Ever call the cops on your neighbors because they are being obnoxious, loud, or something just doesn’t seem right? Cops of Reddit share stores of just that sort of thing – and the craziness they can lead to.
A neighbor called me saying that they heard endless screaming coming from their neighbor’s residence. I got there, knocked on the door and was completely shocked to see a pair of dismembered testicles on the ground. I was quickly withdrew my handcuffs and asked what was going on.
It turns out that the wife found the husband on the list of members on Ashley Madison. Witnesses outside the home said they heard screams such as “Oh no! Get away from me! Please! Stop unreasonably castrating me!” Still one of the strangest calls I’ve ever been dispatched on.
Got a call for a noise complaint at a frequent flyer’s house so we cruised out figuring the guy was drunk and we’d pick him up on a parole violation. We got to his house and he had literally blown off half of his garage and half of his arm trying to make dabs. Turns out the guy thought he just had to burn a bunch of weed and it would melt down into oil so he gathered up a dozen propane tanks and somehow managed to turn his garage into a bomb. The best part was he swore up and down (while he’s screaming in pain) that we only came out to “steal his stuff”
Ex cop, NSW Australia
Got sent to a street out the back of our sleepy little town. Someone was using a chainsaw at 2am. Not unusual because the properties are really big but this was being done next to another house (in a garage).
Turned out to be a lady chasing her husband around the room trying to jab him in the penis with the chainsaw.
4. “…hugging it like Tom Hanks hugged Wilson”
I got dispatched to loud music one night at an apartment complex. I arrived and could clearly hear Snoop Dog being played while I was standing in the parking lot. I banged on the door for well over a minute to no avail. I open the door to find two stoners high out of their minds. Guy was laying on the couch while his friend was laying on the floor. I see clear as day a pound of weed on the floor next to the guy. He was hugging it like Tom Hanks hugged Wilson. He looks up at me with a look of pure disgust and says “No, don’t take the cush”. Alright pal.
5. Lady Gaga
Received a noise complaint at 230 AM. We went to make contact with the individual and when we arrived, the house was shaking to music that was so loud, you couldn’t understand the lyrics. We knock repeatedly with no response. After shining our flashlights into the window, he sees our lights and walks past the front door into the garage. At this point, we are concerned for our safety because we have no idea why, or what, he went into the garage for. He opens the door slowly, steps into the door way revealing this 60ish yr old man in nothing but his tighty whities looking like Walter White. He begins to apologize and follows up with “the Lady Gaga program is almost over anyways.” Myself and the other officer can’t control our laughter, we ask him to turn it down and leave in tears.
6. A lot of overtime
Cop for over twenty years in one of the largest cities in the U.S. Neighbor called to report loud music and yelling in the apartment above his. The tweaker inside shot at us through the door then shot himself in the head. He blew his jaw into pieces and the bullet went through the roof of his mouth and took out his eye before going through the ceiling. He survived. I got paid a lot of of overtime.