13. “The little victories in this life”
“About 15 years ago I used to go into a Starbucks around the corner from my then-boyfriend’s house. I went in grudgingly because it was very busy and touristy AND there was one particular ‘barista’ that fucking enraged me. He was the most self-righteous, put-out, indignant, huffy little fuck to ever stand behind a coffee machine. Boston is lousy with philosophy-spewing undergrads, and he was their self-appointed king.
So one morning I walk in this Starbucks in a particularly bad mood. As I’m waiting for my tea, the little fucker launches into some overwrought drama with a coworker and I said, ‘listen dude, can I have my drink before this goes any further?’ He loses it on me: yelling, blaming, using big words…the whole victim shebang. In the end, he 86s me and tells me that I’m never to step foot inside his castle of coffee again.
Fast forward a few weeks, in a different Starbucks, and I notice that they’ve begun to use stamp cards (10 stamps and the next coffee is free). So as I’m leaving, I swipe the official Starbucks stamp from the counter… and proceed to stamp HUNDREDS of cards that summer. I was the summer intern for a company and made sure that not one person in that office ever paid for coffee. I stamped so much that I had to purchase a green stamp pad expressly for the Starbucks stamp.
Treat me badly and I’ll steal your fucking stamp. It’s really the little victories in this life.”