Kids can say the darnedest things. And sometimes those things make you jerk your head in shock and awe, scared to say a word in response.
These 20 stories are times like that:
#1. I Did What?!
My friend’s 7 year old kid pretended to put me in jail. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: “What did I do? Forget to brush my teeth? Didn’t do my homework?”
Her: “You murdered a 23 year old woman while she was jogging in the early morning.”
#2. A Terrifying Question
I can’t remember if she was 3 or 4, but our little daughter’s voice peeped up from the back seat one morning:
“Dad, do babies bathe in blood?”
#3. That Thought Process…
My son said that Christians are obviously the worst drivers. When I asked why, he said because all you ever see are crosses on the sides of the road.
#4. A 2-Year-Old’s View of Death
When our dog died, without us yet having properly attempted to explain death, our then two year old said, “All her thoughts left her body”.
When my son was small, I was talking to him about growing potatoes. I described how you bank up the earth around them as they grow, and he said “I used to do that when I was an old man”.
#6. Sad Prediction 1
Not my child, but a child I was working with in preschool said to me, “You have a baby inside you, but you won’t be a mommy.”
I found out I was pregnant that day and miscarried the next week.
#7. A 5-Year-Old’s View of Death
When my son was 5, one of his former preschool teachers died, and my son found it very disturbing to contemplate.
One of the things he said was, “His point-of-view is gone.”
#8. “I Wouldn’t Love You Anymore”
My 3 year old daughter was in the bath playing with her toys with me and laughing.
Suddenly her face deadpans, she looks me in the eye and tells me in a serious little voice “Mummy, if you bit and ate all my fingers off I wouldn’t love you anymore”
#9. A Rick and Morty fan?
My four-year-old son said, “Daddy, I want to drill into your tummy, crawl inside and eat your dinner.”
The food was OK but I didn’t think it was worth that much effort.
Maybe the little dude just wanted some Strawberry Smiggles:
#10. “No, wait. When I’m eight.”
My 6 year old daughter in the passenger seat a few days ago looked at me and said “Dad. When I’m seven I’m going to kill you. No, wait. When I’m eight.”
I had to ask, “How are you going to do that?”
She smiled and said, “I’m gonna drive over your head with this car.”