9. ​Ha!

A lady in prison in my state tried to sue the state Department of Corrections for “holding her against her will.”
Her lawyer wouldn’t touch it.

10. LOL

​I had a teacher that worked for a major video game publisher (one of the top10 ones).
He told me that when people tried to sue them for small amounts due to some game being bad, they would just pay whatever the person wanted, it was cheaper than dealing with the country terrible justice system. Except one day a guy sued them because a game was bad, he was a law student, self representing, and tried to throw the book at the company.

They decided to make a exception for this guy, they instead ‘threw the book back’ at him, the lawsuit kept escalating until both sides wasted lots of time and money. Then as final stroke, they offered to settle in front of a judge. There in front of the judge… they put the price of the game on the table in cash, and told the guy to just take it and stop bothering them.

The judge thought it was very fair, and told the guy that if he refused that settlement he would be fined. Guy was very unhappy… he spent like $5000 USD on bureaucracy and airplane fares to get $60 USD.

11. ​That voodoo you do

A lady once called asking us to sue her neighbors.
They were using voodoo on her. Fortunately, she had psychic powers and thus knew what they were doing. I respectfully declined.

12. ​wut

Client wanted to sue because there were no strawberries in her fruit salad which she bought from a supermarket.
Thankfully a secretary was able to screen the call. She asked if the package said it had strawberries, and the response was, “No, but I thought it would have.”

I don’t know how these people manage to make it through life.

13. Crooked Dick

I had a guy that wanted to bring a class action against the company that made his underwear, he was convinced his underwear was the reason he had a crooked penis.
He assured us that as soon as the jury saw his dick, they’d side with him.

No, we didn’t take it.

14. Damn cat

I took a call from a potential client that had fallen down the stairs in her own home.
She had tripped over her own cat. She told me that she wanted to sue her local authority as her home was owned by the council and she was not allowed to keep pets as part of her lease. She claimed that when the house was inspected she was not told to get rid of the cat. It was therefore the council’s fault that she fell down the stairs.

We didn’t take the case on.

15. DUMBDUMBDUMBDUMB

​Not really stupid but unbelievable. My friend at work, his girlfriend filed for divorce a few weeks ago.
That’s right. They aren’t married and common law doesn’t apply in WA state. They lived together for 5 years. She has a job. She isn’t on the mortgage. And she left him a few months ago. There are no kids involved. They were never engaged.

In the “divorce” she wants him to leave his house and she wants to move back in. She wants him to pay her 2800 a month for some reason. I referred him to my divorce attorney and now that attorney is probably going to represent him. She has already tried to get a restraining order against him that was dismissed.

16. Yoruba

​I dealt with a guy once who wanted me to take on his road traffic accident PI claim.
He had written a poem, in Yoruba, about the accident. He refused to tell me anything about his case until he’s read the whole thing, in Yoruba.

Among other problems, I can’t speak any Yoruba. As in, not one word. As in, that day was the first time I had ever heard of the Yoruba language. I’m not even from a part of the world where I might readily be mistaken for someone who speaks Yoruba. It’s a West African language, and I am not from a West African background.

I try to explain this to the guy who becomes very agitated and insists that he must read out his poem in Yoruba. I give up and tell him to get on with it so we can talk about his claim. He does. It takes him nearly 20 minutes to finish.

Anyway, after he’s done, he finishes and sits back with a big smile and says that he’s certain I’ll take his case on now. I begin to ask him some questions about his case, but he refuses to answer. He says that this poem (in Yoruba) is everything I need to know about his case.

Basically, I tell him to leave and stop wasting my time. He does, but not before standing around outside my office for an hour or so, reading out his poem, to no-one in particular, over and over again.

In Yoruba.

17. Seems legit to me

A guy found a rock in the middle of Melbourne CBD that he believed came from an underground volcano.
Therefore he discovered the volcano and he owned the volcano and that the Melbourne city council and indeed the Victorian government should pay him rent to live on top of his underground volcano.

No no I did not take on the case.