Parents keep secrets from their kids all the time. I have 2 kids, and they definitely don’y need to know everything. So that begs the question, what are you keeping from you children? 27 AskReddit users share their answers. Some are kinky, some sad, and others are just plain funny. Take a peek:

1. Birds and the bees

The things we do as married adults.

My wife explained the birds and the bees to my mortified 9 year-old daughter. The next day she asked me “Did you and mommy do that so I would be born?”

Looking down at my sweet daughter, I had to soften the blow. I couldn’t destroy her little world with the knowledge that daddy had willingly done these disgusting things to her mother. So I said the first thing that came to my mind: “Mommy made me do it.”

2. Batman

That “Batman”, who calls them when they’re misbehaving, is actually my Arabic co-worker cussing them out in Arabic.

3. Rough ages

Pretty much anything I did between the ages of 16 and 22.

4. Same person

That I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m literally just them, but a few decades on.

At no point did I suddenly transform into an adult. I love naps, candy, rolling around on the couch mumbling to myself, being warm and cosy. I’m still not keen on the dark, don’t like going to the dentist, forget stuff all the time.

Everything has been a conscious effort to act like some hypothetical adult figure OR a massive effort not to think too hard about stuff like mortgage payments, responsibility, duties in case it overwhelms me and I find myself paralyzed by fear.

Basically we are the same. I am you with a lot of life on my shoulders. You are me before it all happened.

5. Love wins

Alternatively, what I do want my daughter to know is I still love her and I didn’t cheat on her mom and leave her, it was her cheating on me and taking my daughter away from me. She’s only 4 but she knows enough to hate me and not even look at me. It breaks my heart.

6. Cuz you can’t

That I dropped out of High School and got my GED.

I want her to graduate, not one day say to me, “Well you dropped out, why can’t I?”

7. TMI

That I spank their mom all the time.

8. Hahaha

That I met her father on a BDSM dating site and that we normally don’t have sex with out some sort of roughness or kink. Or about our drawer of fun.

9. Selfish

That I don’t like being a parent.

I love my kids, but I miss being able to be selfish once and a while without feeling like an enormous piece of crap.