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#11. T-rex
My ex and I pretended to be dinosaurs a lot, lots of arms t-rexxin and weird noises. It wasn’t all that different from the sex, now that I think about it.
#12. Stuffed
My boyfriend makes our stuffed animals (Mr. Reindeer, Mr. Bear, etc) talk on a regular basis. Each one has a different voice. They generally act stupid and at times say sexually inappropriate things to me. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it gets annoying but it’s our thing. I can’t imagine any normal person understanding this behavior at all.
#13. Emergency groping
My husband (a manly-man firefighter) sometimes ties a towel around his neck after showers and runs around saying he’s “Naked Man” and then gropes me vigorously.
#14. Normal
We run around the house naked making animal sounds sometimes. It’s not sexual, we just do.
#15. A cut above
My boyfriend has three scars from a surgery that look like little centipedes. I have given them all names and backstories about their bug lives.
#16. Splash down!
If I’m washing my hands and my husband starts tickling me, I’ll splash handfuls of water onto him and it turns into a huge watery mess by the time we declare truce.
#17. Handsy!
When we’re in the car, one of us will reach over to hold the other’s hand, but instead of it being romantic, we will start to imitate our hands having sex with each other through humping motions, finishing with jerky hand twitches.
#18. CHOMP!
My girlfriend very often will bite random parts of me (usually my arms or hands), while going “Angangangang” in rhythm with the pressure of her teeth. I do the same back – it’s a show of affection for us.
#19. Do this!
Sometimes, when we’re kissing, we just leave our lips pressed against each other with our mouths open like a romantic pair of donuts.
#20. Secrets…
We have a secret handshake. The last part we pretend to shoot guns at each other and then give a little nod. I should mention, we’re 32 years old.
#21. Gentle weeping?
When my boyfriend is grumpy I jump on him and hold his legs in the air. I like to add gentle weeping. He cracks up every time.
#22. Sucker!
My husband does this thing where he grabs and massages the top of my head (in a motion similar to a claw machine) then flattens his hand out suddenly. Then he says, “It was a brain sucker and it starved to death.” Silly, should be offensive, but always makes me laugh.
#23. The right way to have belly injections
My husband requires injections into his abdomen twice a day. He hates it, for obvious reasons, so to make it slightly more pleasant I decided to give them to him topless. He pretends to be really scared and hold onto my breasts. I am an RN and I would DIE of embarrassment if any of my colleagues and his physicians knew THAT was the reason he always says I give the best injections.
#24. Oh boy…
All our sexual organs have their own personalities/voices. For example, I speak daily to his penis and his little brother testicles (who have MIT degrees btw), and my boyfriend does their voices when I talk to them. Also, all our body parts are all in a polygamous relationship with each other (i.e. his penis and my vagina are married, but his penis always gets it on with my mouth and butt, etc).
#25. What the hell is wrong with these people?!
Me and my ex-boyfriend used to create a seal over the others nose with our mouth, and blow into it, forcing air through their nose and out of their mouth. It was miserable, and kind of turned into a punishment after a while. Also it would occasionally result in a bloody nose…
#26. Fight!
My girlfriend and I will often act out the fight scenes in kung fu movies.
This usually entails us jumping on the bed and throwing punches in stuff. This devolves into grappling, which later devolves to making out and lots of sex.
#27. Oh no. Oh no no no…
My gf hunts in my bellybutton for fluff every night when we get into bed. While she’s rooting around in there I yell out stuff about how I’m not a piece of meat and need to be romanced.
#28. No. Just no.
I guess all I have is my girlfriend holds my penis while I pee sometimes, in a completely non sexual way. Also her aim is terrible.
#29. Bullshit!
He stands at the other side of the room like an angry bull ready to charge. He makes horns with his hands, and paws the ground with his feet ready to lunge. I become the matador, waving my pretend red flag and ready to accept the challenge.
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