There are some seriously messed up people in this world. Put them in serious relationships, and shit can get real weird real quick. After reading what these people revealed about their crazy exes in an AskReddit thread, your most recent “What was I thinking?!!” nightmare will instantly seem like more of an “I guess that wasn’t so bad…” candy-coated daydream.

#18. I’m going to fucking murder you.

“Two years after I ending things, she attempted to contact me again. I wasn’t having it. After a few failed attempts, she sent another message that said, ‘You better find your God now because I’m going to fucking murder you’

Okay.”

#17. Thanks, Google!

“My girlfriend told me the week before I went to college that I got her pregnant knowing that we were not going to date long distance. She sent me a picture of a stock photo pregnancy test she cropped that was positive I literally just Google searched ‘Positive Pregnancy Tests’ and it was one of the first ones. I made her come over and take another one. It was negative, she left.”

#16. Somebody’s Eyes Are Watching

“After 2 years of dating I found out my (ex) bf had being cheating on me, so obviously I ended it, but he couldn’t deal with that. He started harassing me, hacking into my FB, emails, messaging my friends saying I’m a whore, etc, etc. I mean, that totally makes sense! Had to move from where I was born/brought up just to be rid of the hassle! Put me off dating for a few years.”

#15. The Cancer Faker

“My high school ‘girlfriend’ told me she had cancer after our first date. She asked me not to tell anyone and that her parents got really upset if it was mentioned so to not talk about it with anyone. I dated her for six months. She turned herself anorexic to appear ‘sickly’. Once I started making friends, no one understood why I was with her and I kept her secret. Well, I finally put two and two together after she told me she was going in for chemo on a Monday. She said she wasn’t going to be at school for at least a week. I caught her trying to hide from me before the first class and asked her how her chemo went. She said it went so well and that all her hair fell out but they sewed it all together and sewed the wig to her head. Yeah… She was a special one.”

#14. This Was Only The First…

“My first boyfriend stalked me… Followed me Everywhere, spray painted threats on the road (on my way to school and back). We saw the movie Saw together so there were lines with ‘Anne I wanna play a game’ and Many more written on the road

Tried to kill, and he set my house on fire… All Because I broke up after 4 months

I was 14… He was 15…I’ve always dates psychos…This was only the first one…”

#13. Warning: The dog dies…

“A few years ago I was on the outs with a very dependent girlfriend. What started out as just casual dating turned into her practically living at my house, needing to constantly be in contact with me, and always trying to spy on my social media accounts. She was extremely depressed and used my sympathy as a weapon to keep pulling me back whenever one of her crazy actions would push me away. It took my stupid younger self a long time to see the pattern. When I finally did and she realized that she was losing me, SHE RAN OVER MY DOG thinking that the grieving process would bring us back together. The worst part is, it kind of did. The pain of having to drive my dog to the vet and put him down was too much for me to handle on my own and for once, she was there for me instead of the other way around… until a few weeks later when she drunkenly admitted what she had done. I have NEVER been so mad about anything. I was raised never to raise my hand to women, but my morals were seriously tested at that point. I couldn’t get the trip to the vet to put the little guy down out of my head. How could this person that I loved have done something so psychopathic? I threw all her shit out and had to physically remove her from my house. I filed a restraining order, but before it went through, I had to threaten to press charges just to keep her away. I haven’t talked to her since. I feel bad for anyone that gets caught up in her psycho shit. I thought she loved me, but that really led me to wonder if she was some kind of psycho/sociopath who had been playing me for a fool the whole time.”

#12. Dude, your guidance counselor sucked…

“I had a boyfriend in high school who was abusive verbally. So I broke up with him thinking we’d just go our separate ways. Boy was I wrong. He went and cried, literally cried, to the guidance counselor. She hauled us both out of class and me and Bradley had to talk it out. I told her I didn’t want to be with him because he yelled at me all the time and freaked out when I did something that he deemed wrong. Which was pretty much everything. (He was the one who punched a hole in the wall of our economics class.) But she didn’t care. We couldn’t leave until it was ‘resolved’ which meant us getting back together. I got out of that relationship when we went to different schools then he ended up in rehab and would have people sneak me letters. Looking back it was nuts and I was dumb for not doing more to be rid of him earlier and permanently.”

#11. Liar, Liar

“My ex was a pathological liar – he lied about everything. I once was at his apartment waiting for him to finish work – he had invited me over. Well I am texting him all night trying to figure out why he wasn’t there yet. He finally arrives at around midnight, saying he has to leave right away to go fix something. The next day he is tagged in tons of pictures at a bar with coworkers. Another time I showed up and my toothbrush was missing. He said my dog ate it and he threw it out, but it ended up being in his closet. I would try to figure out why he was lying, and he would make me think everything was in my head. He ended up sending me into severe depression where I was doubting everything about myself. I was sick to my stomach for weeks. Lost a bunch of weight from puking and not being able to eat anything. Worst relationship ever.”

#10. I forget, but I never forgive!

“My ex and I were arguing once. Now, she had a tendency to bring up old issues into the current argument, and I was finally fed up with it. I said, ‘You ever heard of forgive and forget?!’. ‘I forget, but I never forgive!’ So, wait, does this mean she’s mad at me but has no idea why. That would explain so much about our relationship.”

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#9. Knock, knock? Who’s- WTF?!!!!

“Broke it off with an ex because all we did was fight. I moved on. She didn’t. One time she showed up to my door wearing a long coat and nothing but stockings and heels underneath. I laughed and closed the door.”

#8. Fake STDs are the beSTDs

“Dated casually for a few weeks, decided she wasn’t for me so I called it off. Get a call a week of so later saying I gave her gonorrhea. WTF? Go to the doc, get tested with a thing down Mr. Peehole. Ow! Results come back, I’m clean. It then comes back to me that it was just revenge for breaking up with her. She was going to tell me she was pregnant and make me pay for the ‘abortion’ but was talked out of that by her best friend. I would have rather paid the money.”

#7. Keepin’ it in the family…

“One of my exes was convinced that I was cheating on her with both my mother and sister, so whenever I spent time alone with either of them I was bombarded with text messages and phone calls. When my mother, sister, and I went on a family vacation to New York City, she was insistent that I sleep in the hotel’s fire escape because she thought I was going to have sex with them.”

#6. Crying Psycho Ex: Drive-By Edition

“So I was sitting on my front porch with this girl who lived down the block. We were hooking up after I had recently broken up with my psychotic drug addicted ex girlfriend for cheating on me. So this silver car rolls by that I recognize as her (the ex’s) friends vehicle, and WHILE ITS ROLLING BY MY HOUSE the back door opens up and out rolls my screaming crying psycho ex. The bitch hits the concrete at 10 mph and then jumps up with a baseball bat and starts screaming that she’s gonna kill the other chick. I put the other girl in my house and tried to calm her down. Only a threat of a police call got her to leave.”

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#5. I see myself spitting in your face, too.

“Mine e-mailed me last night, over a year after our breakup and one day after his ‘heartfelt apology’: ‘In my dreams, I see myself spitting in your face and crushing your esophagus with my bare hands.'”

#4. I’mma run you over, but you sexy…

“Ex girlfriend tried to hit me with her car. Chased me down an alley in which a fence too high to jump was on one side and condos on the other. Proceeded to call me next day at work and tell me that I looked like a sexy cheetah running away from her car.”

#3. Nyquil, plz. K byeeeeee…

“I started going out with this girl, within a week of talking to her, she started sending me pictures of wedding cakes and wedding stuff… I was immediately turned off, and wrote her off as overly obsessive, but I was still attracted to her and continued the relationship. Later on in the relationship we both got really sick with the flu & sinus infections…I have health insurance because I have an awesome job with benefits, I quickly got better and she was still sick. I dropped off some of my extra medicine off to her, and the next thing I know she starts talking with her ex, breaks it off with me and says that I was the obsessive one. I’m still trying to figure that one out. That’s about as crazy as it got. One moment she was talking getting married, the next she would no longer talk.”

#2. Friends first ONLY.

“I dated this guy my junior year of high school and he was really obsessive, never wanted me to hang out with ANY of my friends, always wanted to go through my phone, and got mad when the screensaver on my phone wasn’t a picture of us. One time we had an argument at his house and I was just not interested in him anymore at that point and wasn’t sticking around for the argument and was leaving when he ran out of his house, to my car, and jumped into the passenger seat and started crying and refused to get out of my car until we had ‘talked about things’. We broke up soon after, and he started telling people that I was an Atheist, a whore, and even made a Twitter so he could stalk me and also harass me. I had been in a serious accident where a motorcycle was involved and the man that was driving the motorcycle didn’t survive, and he went as far as to make hateful comments about that as well, which is a fucking low blow. This is why I make sure I’m friends with someone for a while now before I start dating them. Gotta make sure they aren’t fucking crazy.”

#1. Careful, that’s not sugar in your coffee… 

“I was 21 she was 24 and had a boy about 2 years old. She was basically normal, had a good job, took care of the kid ok. She was kind of a dim bulb though, not very bright. I was bored in the relationship and really didn’t want to become step-dad to the kid so I ended it. No prob. Run into her a month or so later at a bar and we end up going back to her place for a night of ex-sex. Next morning she makes coffee and breakfast, I go to school, she goes to work. I get incredibly sick on the way to school, throw up multiple times, make it to school still puking find the nurse/medical office and vaguely recall being loaded into an ambulance. Come to in the hospital. A doc tells me I OD’d on an enormous amount of meth and had about five minutes left to live before they figured it out. Oh by the way there are some federal agents here to talk to you. Turns out she had planned this whole thing and decided that if she couldn’t have me, no one could. She went to jail but got a reduced sentence for turning on the family member that was making and distributing the meth.”