13. “The little victories in this life”

“About 15 years ago I used to go into a Starbucks around the corner from my then-boyfriend’s house. I went in grudgingly because it was very busy and touristy AND there was one particular ‘barista’ that fucking enraged me. He was the most self-righteous, put-out, indignant, huffy little fuck to ever stand behind a coffee machine. Boston is lousy with philosophy-spewing undergrads, and he was their self-appointed king.

So one morning I walk in this Starbucks in a particularly bad mood. As I’m waiting for my tea, the little fucker launches into some overwrought drama with a coworker and I said, ‘listen dude, can I have my drink before this goes any further?’ He loses it on me: yelling, blaming, using big words…the whole victim shebang. In the end, he 86s me and tells me that I’m never to step foot inside his castle of coffee again.

Fast forward a few weeks, in a different Starbucks, and I notice that they’ve begun to use stamp cards (10 stamps and the next coffee is free). So as I’m leaving, I swipe the official Starbucks stamp from the counter… and proceed to stamp HUNDREDS of cards that summer. I was the summer intern for a company and made sure that not one person in that office ever paid for coffee. I stamped so much that I had to purchase a green stamp pad expressly for the Starbucks stamp.

Treat me badly and I’ll steal your fucking stamp. It’s really the little victories in this life.”

14. “We both just knew what had to be done”