Ahhhh, the dreaded walk of shame.
Walk-of-shamers are people who’ve clearly just had a one night stand and are now trying to get home or to work or to a breakfast for recovery fries. Sometimes they’re even missing a shoe…it can be rough. Or, you know, reclaim the narrative! Make it a Walk of Joy!
Or whatever. Anyway, here are walk of shame stories from AskReddit users that you will enjoy. Share yours in the comments if you’re brave enough!
1. Where am I?
“One of like 3 times I blacked out drinking. Woke up in a nice bedroom with the sun shining in my eyes, rolled over and had zero clue who the girl was. Quietly put on my clothes and tried to sneak down the stairs. Was obvious this was someone’s parent’s house, the hall was wall to wall family photos etc. I have no clue how to get out of the house, I take a turn and there is the whole family, mom dad, 2 sisters, and grandma and grandpa eating waffles.
I mumble something about being sorry for interrupting their breakfast and sheepishly walk out the back door. I go outside and look for my car, I have zero clue where it is parked. I walk around the block for 10 minutes searching for it. I have no cellphone cause this is like 1998, and since this is obviously suburbia, there are no payphones in site.
I muster up every last bit of pride that I have to knock on their door and ask to speak to their daughter. I can’t even conjure up her name at this point. One of the sisters answers the door, laughing her butt off. Her sister is upstairs getting yelled at by pretty much everyone but grandpa, who is still eating his waffles. I ask the sister to use the phone, of course it is in the kitchen.
I call my roommate and tell him to come pick me up at the intersection down the road. Whole time the grandfather is giving me the stinkeye and the sisters are like in tears laughing. Roommate picks me up 45 minutes later because I am about as far across town as in physically possible. Brings me back to the club where my car was parked. At least my dumb butt didn’t drive there.”
2. Miserable and ashamed
“Many years ago, I hooked up with a friend who lived downtown. I had parked my car on the street before going to the bar the night before. We had gotten pretty intoxicated that night – hence the hookup. We slept fairly late the next morning, both of us pretty hungover.
I had entirely forgotten that there was an event that morning where they blocked off the streets, despite there being signs posted everywhere. So midmorning I dodge my way through crowded streets to get back to where I parked my car, only to find it fenced in by temporary fences to block off the street for the kid’s bike race that was about to start. My car was literally the only one left on the block. I asked a police officer when I could get it out, and was told I’d have to wait until after the race.
So, there I sat on a bench on the sidewalk, visibly hungover, miserable, and surely ashamed, while a bunch of kids rode their bikes around downtown with their parents shooting me odd looks.”
3. A different kind
“One time when I was around 13 I was at a bible study at a relatives house and I was super gassy. I felt a big gut buster coming on and I decided the polite thing to do would be to excuse myself and go to the restroom and blow that fog horn. Well I stood up and made it about 3 steps before I let out a quick pop and then preceded to chainsaw fart my way across this quite room with about 12-15 people reading the Bible.
I stayed in the bathroom mortified until my aunt came and got me.”
4. On fire
“Went on a first date with a girl from an online dating app. Things went well. Making out in a small pub, I accidentally set fire to my shirt on a candle. Wasted, we didn’t care. Ended up staying at hers. Had to walk to work through central London the next morning in a half burnt shirt until I could find a clothing shop and buy a t shirt.”
5. Sounds like a blast
“Nothing beats waking up in the house of a twenty-something guy who supposedly had his own place but then him expecting you to join him at the breakfast table with his stern looking parents.”
6. Old-timer
“A friend of mine recently hooked up from a club, issue is he is in his 40’s, she was barely 21, they went back to her place which just happened to be her parent’s house, the best part walking out the next day, and a conversation ensues that he is older than her parents by a few years.”
7. In the snow
“Woke up on my prom date’s parent’s basement pool table, still wearing the top half of my tux. Nothing below the waist. My date was asleep on the basement couch. Jolted upright and bashed my head on the light fixture hanging above the pool table, cutting my forehead open. Could not find my underwear or socks.
Walked home in snow and cold with a bleeding wound. Date’s mom called my (parent’s) house later that day, only to leave a message on the answering machine saying that she’d found my socks and underwear, and that she’d send them to school with my date.”
8. Puke party
“After a wild night partying at my friend’s dorm, I woke up at her place to the beanbag, carpet, and my clothing covered in vomit. I had to change clothes, gather everything in a trash bag, and carry it back to my dorm which was a fifteen minute walk away, hungover. And did I mention that my friends stayed with me the entire time, laughing at me and pointing?
Man, those were the days.”
9. Yikes
“Maybe not the walk of shame you are asking about, but a few years ago I accidentally pooped my self at the very crowded Iamstersam sign. I had a very sudden bout with gastro, with almost no warning. I had to do the walk of shame through the crowded streets of Amsterdam, in a poop soaked pair of chambray short shorts.”
10. Toga! Toga!
“I temporarily lived in a hotel in a smallish town (~7000) for construction work for about 6 months. It was Halloween on a weeknight and lots of the construction folks went out partying. A woman friend and I made impromptu togas out of my bedsheets before heading out on the town. I crashed at her hotel that night, overslept a little, and walked back to my hotel along the commuter highway at 8am in only a toga.”
11. The travelodge
“I was going to a fancy dress party where you wear anything but clothes, so bags boxes wrapping paper, anything but clothes. I had work the next day so I thought I planned it out spectacularly, I took clothes for the next day into work because I knew I’d be staying at one of my many friends houses where I could then get into work, put the suit on and away with the day.
I ended up getting with this girl who was staying in the travelodge in the middle of town, right next to my workplace! Waw how convenient and amazing this was. Anyway skip to the morning where I look to the floor and all that I have is a short pair of shorts and some trainers next to a pile of black bin bags. She was tiny so there was no chance I was fitting in her clothes to get into work. I phoned by friend to tell him what had happened and asked if he could bring my clothes out. I told him I’d meet him down the side of the building by the bins.
Clearly I was still shitfaced because I strolled out of the front of the travelodge in my shorts, walked round the corner and sort of squatted behind the bins while I waited for my friend.
This wasn’t a dead end though, what I didn’t realise was this was a shortcut from the train station through onto the main street so there were hundreds of people walking through, many of who were working in the same building as me. Eventually he turned up, I threw my shirt and trousers on, went into work cleaned up and carried on with my day.
I think more than half of the people on my floor probably saw me and it was only awkward because no one would ever ask or say anything.”
12. Dad!
“My husband and I have been married for 23 years and have 4 sons in their late teens. For as long as we’ve been married my husband goes and gets me a glass of ice water after sex. It wasn’t a problem before, but now the boys stay up later than we do. He tries to avoid them when he goes for the water because he feels like they know. Our house is small. There’s no avoiding them. He calls his water run the walk of shame.
I don’t know if that counts but it makes me laugh!”
13. Hostel shame
“Not many worse feelings than waking up in someone else’s hostel room, sleeping 10, stark naked on a bottom bunk with no covers over you. Then trying to find your underwear amongst about 5 peoples piles of clothes.”
14. Injured
“Was at a University residence partying. Went back to a girl’s room… Ended up vomiting. Went to the laundry room at the end of the hall and threw my vomit soaked wool sweater in the washer then dryer. Passed out sitting on the dryer and fell sideways banging my head on the shelf beside.
Woke up with blood on my face and pants, a shrunken, vomit stained sweater, was unsure how to exit the building and walked back to my parents house. Took an hour through a busy enough area. Thank God they just put me to bed without asking questions.”
15. Barefoot
“I was dating this girl early freshman year of high school and we were at her place when her parents were supposed to be out of town. She had this garage with a room above it that’s about 50 feet from where I parked my car, all gravel in between. So her Dad comes home without us noticing and figures out what’s up. Unbeknownst to me he takes my flip flops.
Later when I’m leaving (feeling pretty good about myself no less) I can’t find my shoes, think oh weird, proceed to start the very painful walk to my car. Then BAM floodlights from the main house (think like a mini version of stadium lights) blind me and I hear “yeah keep walking you little shit, I see you!” The mother fucker had stolen my shoes and turned on his motion activated flood lights he uses to scare away deer, all so he could taunt me and teach me the definition of a walk of shame.
Honestly a great guy though we had dinner with her parents a month later (took me that long to be able to face him) and we laughed about it. But Jesus first and last time I’ve done barefoot on gravel.”
Okay, so those were some toe-curling stories, right? Walking back after a hook up shouldn’t be so funny… but there they are.
Do you have any stories like this? Find any of those tales particularly funny?
Let us know in the comments!
