Full disclosure: I am the undisputed king of talking in my sleep. It has caused me derision and ridicule since I started going to sleepovers as a young lad…and it hasn’t gotten any better.
The good news is: I’m not alone. In this article, AskReddit users share the strangest/funniest things their significant others have said in their sleep. Enjoy!
1. Creepy
“I was up all night because my girlfriend was viciously jolting in the night. When I got fed up with it I tried to wake her up and she quietly said “who dis?” And then replied to her own question in a really creepy voice, “It danger.” She’s weird.”
2. LOL
“My girlfriend did a thing early one morning. I asked her what she was doing because she was throwing elbows at the sky and she calmly and simply said: “punching hamburgers.”
I haven’t laughed so hard in ages.”
3. Raise the roof
“Mine did the “raise the roof” motion with her arms and said “hells to the yeah” while giggling.
**Added Bonus ** She can occasionally say some _”blonde” _things and while her, myself and her three kids were sitting in our living room, she randomly says _”you know, it’s crazy to think that you’ve all been inside me.” She didn’t mean to include me but the kids all stopped talking and got very confused looks on their faces and started looking at me.”
4. Okay…
“I forgive you for your dark Chinese past.”
5. Perfect data
“When my wife was writing her PhD thesis, I woke up one night at like 3 AM to her stroking the duvet and smiling. I asked her what she was doing. She said, “Shh, don’t disturb my data. It’s finally perfect,” still smiling.
I said, “Hon, that’s not your data. That’s the duvet.”
The smile drained from her face and she started sobbing uncontrollably. For about five seconds, at which point she passed out mid-sob and was fast asleep again.”
6. Slabs
“I often try to have conversations with my SO when he starts sleep-talking… I transcribed the most recent one we had.
SO: No?
Me: Yeah?
SO: We can go if you want to.
Me: Where are we going?
SO: The… dollar slab bacon at Costco.
Me: Oh yeah? Why?
SO: Yeah, dollar for dollar it’s the best… slabs.”
7. That wasn’t nice
“Apparently my girlfriend sneezed and I yelled “Shut the f**k up!!” in my sleep…”
8. Gives me the creeps…
“For me it’s what she hasn’t said. Usually if she talks in her sleep it’s unintelligible gibberish but said in a manner that sounds like it’s supposed to make sense.
Its weird given it’s not just random words but sounds that are trying to be words.
Always gives me the creeps.”
9. Go back to sleep
“My girlfriend woke up at like 4am to go to the bathroom. When she came back I was sat on the edge of the bed, looked at her and said ‘i’m breaking out of here.’ She was obviously freaked out and asked me wtf I was on about and if I was awake. To which I replied ‘i’m getting a Chinese’ then laid back down and resumed sleeping.”
10. Katie
“Late to the party but here you go:
Woke up one night because my boyfriend was talking in his sleep and I’m generally a light sleeper. I listen for a moment while he just talks jibberish and then hear him say, “yeah, Katie! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”
My name isn’t Katie.
So being the moderately unstable woman I am I sat on that one for a couple days and stewed silently. Who is Katie? Why is he dreaming about Katie? What did she do in his dream that was so awesome?
About a week later I’m at his work having a drink (he’s a bartender) after I got off work when his coworker/our mutual friend walks up to him and asks if he wants to go out to her car and smoke a bowl. He says, “yeah, Katie! That’s what I’m talking about!”
I forgot we both knew a Katie. Katie is a lesbian.”
11. The important stuff
“We gotta get the elusive passwords…..for Mario kart!”
12. Dangerous sleeper
“I’ll tell this one for my wife.
One night, I kicked her in the back, when she turned round and said”what the f**k?” i apparently said “What? Don’t you like it?” and tried to push her off the bed.
Recollection. I wish I did because thats funny as hell.”
13. Do they?
“Don’t trust the penguins, they have fake ID’s!”
14. Spider!
“One night he full on screamed at me to turn the light on, because he had caught a spider in the bed. He was crouched over it and had his hands cupped around it. I turned on the light and he gave me the weirdest look then looked down at his hands planted firmly on the mattress. He lifted them really carefully one at a time and … no spider.”
15. That is sexy
“I thought she was having a sexy dream because she was saying: “oh oh oh.” The. She followed up with “O’Reily auto parts!” “
