7. Conversion

I have had three separate dates, with three separate women who all turned out to be Christian evangelicals trying to convert me.

8. Mobbed up

We had just moved to a new area, and we wanted to check out the local shops and restaurants. While we were wandering, we stumbled into a tiny Italian place. Back home, the small hole-in-the-wall restaurants always have the best food, so we were excited to give it a shot. Big curtains were covering the entry windows, so we had no idea what was inside until we trudged through the door.

Inside, we were met with emptiness and silence. We both immediately thought the store was closed, and I spun around and searched for the store hours posted somewhere on the door. While I was looking, we heard a heavy thud.

A woman’s voice barked “I’ll be right with you!”

She appeared, greeted us, and asked “what she could do for us.” Which, looking back, was probably a red flag. But we were naive and hungry, so we said we were there for dinner. She looked puzzled, but motioned us to follow her to a booth right by the entrance.

She then disappeared into the back, and we heard a muffled conversation between our hostess and a man. I asked my date if she wanted to split, but she insisted we stay until we figured out what exactly was going on.

Suddenly, a square-shaped balding man burst through the kitchen door with two glasses of water for us. In a very deep voice he explained that it was his birthday, and we would eat what he felt like making us. We whole-heartedly agreed.

We waited around thirty minutes, and he again returned with three large bowls of spaghetti and meat sauce. He placed two bowls in front of us, and one next to me for himself. He sat with us and ate. We made light and awkward conversation with him throughout, and he kept asking us jokingly if we were cops or with the health board. He was incredibly nervous about us, so my date kept cracking corny jokes because the man would foricbly laugh at anything he took for humor.

He decided we were good people, and didn’t change us for the meal. We wished him a happy birthday, he hugged us, and we went on our way. Easily the best spaghetti I’ve ever had in my life. The restaurant, unfortunately, no longer exists. Also… it was definitely a mob front.