I’ve heard people who have been to prison talk about how there are some things that you never forget from your time on the inside: the smells, the noise…and the fear.
And I hope and pray that you and I will never have to learn what it’s like to be incarcerated.
What’s the most interesting thing you saw behind bars?
AskReddit users shared their stories.
1. All kinds of stories.
“I worked in a prison for a few years.
The most interesting story was two inmates busted a hole in the (cinder block) wall in the middle of the night. The room on the other side of the wall was the commissary storage. So they ate their fill of chips and cookies and whatever else then crawled back in to their cell. The damage was discovered the next morning during head count.
The funniest is probably me and another guard chasing away a bear cub who got into the prison dumpsters and the other guard stepped in a big pile of bear p**p. Scary was when an Inmate d**d in his cell.
Gross was the same inmate who d**d was caught eating his own feces a few days before. He had bad mental issues.”
2. Young and scared.
“I went to county jail for a few months right after I turned 18.
I was young and scared and had no idea what I was in for. The jail was extremely over crowded at the time, so they just kinda stuck you wherever. I got put in a cell with this women that was on a 12 day psych lock down. I was not prepared…
The second I get in there she starts talking about the Bible. I hop on the top bunk and act like I’m sleeping, hoping she’ll shut up. Didn’t work. She just keeps pacing around the cell talking about the devil and government, and she’s naked.
Then I hear her peeing, but it doesn’t sound right. She was peeing standing up, getting p**s all over the toliet seat and floor. At that point I really started questioning my life choices that got me there.
I was locked in that cell with her 23 hrs a day for 11 days. She only put clothes on when we were allowed out for showers. It was an experience.”
3. Jeez…
“Saw a dude s**t in the middle of the day room for a bag of coffee (he never got paid).
Saw a dude suck on another dude’s toes for a Snickers bar.
Hell I’ve even seen people snort a Benadryl then pass out walking to their bunk.”
4. I know you!
“Went in to county for two days due to a DUI.
I’m getting escorted to my block, then to my cell. As I’m approaching my cell, I see the top of someone’s head pop around the corner of the cell next to mine.
“Alan, what, what are you doing here?” “Oh, hey doc, uh, just some past stuff”
It was one of our group’s bar buddies, had no idea he was in there. It was just surreal and caught me off guard. Gotta love small towns
This was 6 years ago, he’s since got his act together and living sober life. I moved out of that state and will never get another DUI. Just call an Uber.”
5. Wow.
“My mom taught 4 Hells Angels members make cinnamon rolls.
They taught her how to make napalm. Mind you, this was before internet was what it is today.
She was also allowed to try on an HA vest. (which is a big no-no) All while she worked at a prison in Sweden.”
6. Oklahoma.
“I worked at a county jail in Oklahoma.
I was 19, scared to d**th of inmates (although I did play checkers with a m**derer), and I ha**d the job. However, one night we had a dude come in on s**cide watch. I was in the “tower,” watching him on camera, and I noticed he started taking off all his clothes.
Naked, my dude climbed to the top bunk and stood on it. I hit the panic button, all guards to the cell asap, he’s gonna jump, let’s go.
Three folks run in just as he jumps. He was aiming headfirst, but got the angle wrong and his shoulders hit first, essentially pulling off an incredible tuck and roll that only knocked the wind out of him. However, when the guards started trying to put a straight jacket on him, he came alive.
He starts flopping around and going nuts, and one poor sumb**ch had the gross misfortune to be down by his cash and prizes. The guy sunfishes and flips over, and when he did, just the tip of his broadsword grazed the tip of the poor guard’s nose. The guard recoiled like he’d been s**t in the face, and scrambled back against the wall slapping at his face like he’s stepped into a horde of mosquitoes.
If one day Alzheimer’s chooses to take me, rob me of my memories, I would want that 45 seconds to survive more than the memories of seeing my first born swaddled in my wife’s arms. We rewound and played that tape back so much it eventually screwed up the film.”
7. Locked up.
“I was locked up 9 days after my 18th birthday and did a total of 12 years. There are too many gross stories to pick from and I really don’t remember any funny memories, but I’ll give you an interesting one.
I was in a Medium security and the setup was mostly huge dorms. This consisted of 2 floors with hundreds of bunkbeds all within 3 feet of each other and a few cleaning supply closets on both floors. There was one guard per block and their desk was on the first floor.
At this time I had been locked up about 7yrs and my bunk was on the 2nd floor. It was late at night and I was on my bunk reading and drinking something while most people were asleep. I ended up spilling my drink and had to go downstairs to the only unlocked supply closet to get a mop.
I did notice the female 3rd shift guard wasn’t at her desk and assumed she was doing her rounds. When I got to the supply closet I opened the door and immediately saw the guard having full on s** with an inmate. I had taken a step or two inside before my brain registered what was going on. The guard and inmate looked at me and froze.
I backed out, shut the door and went back to my bunk without saying a word. A day passes by and then another. On the 3rd day the inmate I had seen came up to me and out of the blue gave me a quarter oz of weed while telling me how cool I was to keep my mouth shut.
That guard worked there for another 2yrs and I was in the same dorm as the inmate for another 4yrs. During that time I never brought up the subject with the guard or inmate and I was never without weed or a 3rd shift guard that would look the other way when I needed it.
On a similar note, a while later another inmate busted a woman guard having s** and the inmate threatened to tell if he couldn’t get some. The guard immediately called for backup and had him sent to the hole for threatening her with r**e.
He hollered at the top of his lungs that he had seen her having s** while he was being dragged to the hole. It didn’t matter, none of the other guards believed him.”
8. No way.
“I went for a job interview at a prison if it counts, any the worst thing I saw was a guy who had serious psychiatric issues, anyway he’d carved a hole into his own tummy that wouldn’t heal properly as he was always hiding stuff in there.
One day he tried to hide a little towel or something in there and apparently bits of it had started fusing to him inside. Pretty much noped out of that job.”
9. My God…
“Worked in a prison kitchen in U.K.
It’s a bit of a long story, but the short version is, one of the inmates managed to smuggle his own s**t in his hand and dropped it onto the soup urn going to the VP wing (s** offender and grass wing basically). The s**t floated to the top, so he grabbed a hand blender and blended the s**t into the soup.
At least 25 p**ophiles ate the s**t soup before they stopped giving it out because of the suspiciously rank smell. I won’t lie I found it f**king hilarious as well as absolutely disgusting.
No I didn’t know what he had done until after the soup came back, I just got on with the lads well enough to get a confession out of them afterwards. The guy in question was sacked from the kitchen the next day.”
10. Infamous.
“My hubby was a state prison guard for 10 years and had Danny Rolling (The Gainville Ripper) on his block.
He said the man was an absolute nutcase, always on his knees singing and screaming things out loud that made no sense, he was put in the hole many times before being put to d**th.
He was the man that k**led the young college kids in Gainesville, Florida.”
11. Politics.
“I did weekends in a jail at the same time a Virginia state senator was serving a 6 months suspended / work release program.
He got re-elected from jail in a special election where they tried to vote him out.”
12. Like a depressing summer camp.
“I spent a night and a morning in the Hennepin County Jail, lotta interesting characters.
They had a bunch of us all locked in big room/cell that had a handful of bunks, like a depressing summer camp.
Come morning they bring us food and everyone lines up to grab a tray and a drink, I sit down at a table and right away people are talking to me about how old I am and what I did to get in there, I was 19-20 so I’m sure they were curious what a young guy like myself did to end up in there.
So I’m talking to a guy and as I go to open up the milk the guy tells me not to drink it, why I ask? He says because they put peter softener in the milk, it makes it so your d**k can’t get hard luckily for him that was ok with me… Still have no clue if that was true or not hahaha.”
Now we want to hear from you.
If you have any stories from behind bars, please share them with us in the comments.
We’d love to hear from you!
