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8. A better reason needed
This girl had a crush on me once, I told her I wasn’t a lesbian and she didn’t think that was a good enough reason.
9. Astrology
Lunatic customer started stalking me. Really. I had a helluva time keeping her away since I had to deal with her professionally. Years later, someone lent me some books on astrology, and for a laugh, I made my chart.
Turns out, according to astrology, I’m a sexual T-Rex. God’s Gift To Women: ME! I don’t mean some measly top 2% Mensa shit, I’m talking one in hundreds-of-thousands. And that’s when I realized that the point in time when that crazy bitch started stalking me, that was just after she’d asked me when and where I was born — I particularly found it odd that she asked what exact hour and minute (I ended up calling my mother to find out).
Astrology. People are fucking insane.
(And oh yeah, I am NOT a sexual T-Rex. I’m sort of a walking, talking, living bit of evidence that astrology is hokum. Although I do admit, while I don’t believe in astrology, I believe in chicks who believe in astrology.)
10. Pet Project
I was getting over a stint in the hospital and dropped a lot of weight and muscle mass during the stay. I needed to monitor my health and diet carefully so I was signed up for a program for personal fitness training and meal planning. It helped immensely and I ended up feeling better than ever down the road. However, my PT halfway through became a bit too observant with my progress.
He’d make breathless observations about my legs and hips, then stomach. I thought it might have been crossing a line of some sort when he starting becoming more “detail oriented” in measurements. He told me the truth one day that he felt like I was his project and that he became seriously fond of where I was going physically. I really could have ended his job right then and there and save myself some dignity, but like the raunchy fool I am it just turned me on. I didn’t indulge in it however, but backed out of the program quietly before I got myself into a mess.
11. Fake Illness
This one girl in high school faked a seizure because i told her I already had a girlfriend. The gym teacher called 911 and when the paramedics got there she just got up and ran off… I guess she got in some pretty big trouble for doing that.
12. Thanks, Mom
I was 17 and working at a summer camp with the “seniors” age group (between 10-14). At that age the girls have a crush on you no matter what you look like, just because you are their counselor. Anyways this one was more.. assertive about it than the others. She asked for my phone number many times and tried to add me on facebook many times as well. On the last day of the summer her mom comes up to me and tells me that she had a crush on me. I said I know and she said you don’t understand.. I caught her masturbating to a picture of you two she took last week.
Couldn’t look at her that day, luckily it was the last day.
13. Family Relations
My cousin. “So, how are we related?” is never a good pickup line.
14. Jail Bait
So, just to start this off, I was 17 at the time. My dad’s friend’s daughter, who was 10, adds me on Facebook. I’m like ‘ok, she’s nice enough.’ She then proceeds to Facebook Chat me to tell me that i’m handsome. I’m thinking ‘Ok, this is a little weird, but maybe she’s just being nice, so i’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.’ A few days later, she Facebook Chats me again and asks what time I went to bed; when I replied, she simply said ‘Same time as me ;)’
I was all like NOPE NOPE NOPE and tried to let her down gently, knowing that if i did anything to upset her she could tell her mum who could tell my dad, or she could tell my dad directly – let me tell you, the level of awkward would be UNBEARABLE. So I dropped hints every time she tried to chat on Facebook Chat (every single time I was online) and she got the message eventually, but my god is it awkward now…
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