As a kid, you’re pretty sure your parents are clueless and you can get away with things as long as you’re smart about it.
As a parent, you realize that there’s nothing your kids even think about doing that you can’t guess a hundred days off, but you also realize that sometimes it’s fun to let them think they’re getting away with something.
Hence, these 15 not-so-secret secrets.
15. You’re going to regret that.
She’s slowly been collecting pens and hiding them in her toys. So far, no coloring outside of paper and coloring books, though.
So I’m letting her get away with it.
14. It’s better than what could have been going on in there.
I just found out that my six-year-old locks the bathroom door so he can get some privacy. Last night I looked across the kitchen to see the door slightly ajar and my son engaging in his private time.
Doing push-ups.
I didn’t say anything, just watched him finish his 5 reps, flex in the mirror and then walk out of the bathroom.
13. I hope she’s got a good system.
My neighbors across the street have an 18 year old daughter.
Most nights at around 9:30 she has a young man crawl in through her window.
I realized this because I’m usually wrapping up our evening dog walk at about that time.
I’m not sure but, I’ve counted at least five different young men based on build and race.
12. It’s important to get things in writing.
My 4 year old ‘wrote’ a letter she keeps in her bottom drawer. When me and my husband die she will come home and get it.
We’re not allowed look at it or touch it but apparently it says that we gave her loads of money and she gave us loads of pictures.
I’m not sure what this says about her or us, but it will be interesting how long she keeps said letter. It’s been a month so far.
11. Not all secrets are bad.
My nine year old step daughter was in her room one day for like hours with markers and papers. I thought she was drawing or making a picture book or something so I let it slide. It turns out she had our calendar and was making cards for everyone for every holiday and birthday coming up. I haven’t asked her about it but I’m honestly super proud of her logic and long term planning abilities.
10. So many feelings.
A few years ago, I was going through my son’s (3rd grade) backpack and found a can of ravioli. That’s all well, except I never bought any ravioli.
When I asked him about it, he burst into tears and and pulled out a box under his bed filled with Ravioli! He then proceeded to tell me how this girl that picks on him and says they are married gives him ravioli everyday and makes him take it.
I can just picture this girl’s mother telling her the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
9. A hoarder in training.
My 3 yo son “lost” his ball.
When asked, he said he didn’t know where it was. We assumed it had been left outside to blow away in a storm or some kid took it.
So we bought him a new ball. As soon as we gave it to him, he said “Thanks! I’ll get my other ball!”
He then ran straight to a bush in the neighbor’s yard and pulled out his ball.
8. Who will crack first…
Son (7) ate half my bag of gummy bears. I know. He knows I know. I know he knows I know. I don’t think he knows i know he knows I know.
So now we wait until he cracks…
7. Get some courage!
Got a 12 year old and I definitely know his Reddit account cause the little turd used my email to sign up.
Must not have thought that one through.
I’m too scared to look at it though.
6. There are worse things.
My kid would get up in the middle of the night and want a snack. He would sneak into the kitchen and eat a whole tomato except the little circle where it connected to the stem.
He hid the little stem circles under whatever was on top of the trash and would go to sleep.
We always made sure there were tomatoes for him.
5. You know damn well.
My two year old dropped out Echo dot and split into two pieces.
She attempted to sandwich it back together and put it back where it was but now says stuff like “alexa play mickey mouse” and then when nothing happens she says “uh oh alexa what happen?”
You know damn well what happen and it’s HAPPENED.
4. She needs a guinea pig.
My daughter throws her lettuce under the table for the dog to eat.
The dog doesn’t like lettuce.
3. Lazy old (sweet) dad.
My daughter is trying to impress me by learning origami.
She’s 7 and doesn’t think that Dad can see all the missing paper and the (messily but improving a lot) paper cranes hidden throughout her room.
I bought 2 more reams of paper and just left them out on accident.
Lazy old dad not putting up his office supplies.
2. Yikes.
Just this morning, a friend of mine told me he saw my 17 yo son picking cigarette butts out of the ash tray at a gas station.
So in one moment, I learned not only that my son is smoking cigarettes, but that he’s a goddamn scrub as well.
Not sure how to handle it, TBH.
1. I’m so glad my toddler isn’t the only one.
Everybody’s kids here are hiding books to read secretly.
Mine’s hiding in his bedroom trying to use a glue stick like lip balm.
I mean, there’s got to be something fun about parenting to get you through the rough days!
Any of these stories feel right on the money? Want to share one of your own?
Tell us ALL about it in the comments! Please and thank you!
