Do you ever look around and feel as if everyone else has their life together, or at least certain aspects of it, while those things are a struggle for you every day?
Do you ever think to yourself “what if they’re all just lying?”
If so, you’re not alone – and here are 15 things these people feel like just might be a total hoax.
15. Stop faking it.
“I am not a robot” like come on guys it’s not funny anymore.
I enjoy human emotions, like applause and hunger. Mmm, water.
14. We all have that one thing at work.
I’m a farmer and this is one of my pet peeves.
Crop yields.
It’s expected that every farmer you talk to will lie about how well their crops did. When you meet an honest one who tells you their actual yields it’s a really awkward conversation because you’re taken back by the fact you don’t have to apply the bullshit factor to figure out what his yields really were.
I have a neighbour who always wants to know your yields first and then automatically applies a 10% increase to his. I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it, but it’s always reliably 10% more than yours.
The way crop insurance works in our area is that farmers report their actual yields (they have to show receipts for delivered grain) and those averages are made available to other farmers like us that want to buy insurance. Comparatively our yields are always just a bit higher than average….but I’m always the worst farmer in the area when the “how did your crops do this year?” conversation starts. 🙄
13. We all know.
Steroid abuse in the fitness industry.
There are so many people telling you they’re natural in order to sell their product to you when in fact they got their gains from being juiced out of their f**king mind and not from drinking Super Mega Mass Gainer A$$ F**k S*$t C* m Slurp 9000 priced at 700€ per kg that contains mostly sugar and caffeine.
Steroid use is so incredibly wide spread it’s screwing up the image of what is and isn’t realistically possible for so many vulnerable people out there. Walk into any gym and the biggest guy there is most likely juiced tf up.
12. Dang unicorns.
I feel the same way about “days to maturity” on seed packets.
The seed companies must be growing theirs in a greenhouse full of unicorns or something 🙄
11. Every single one.
As a prior us service member I believe I have met every single navy seal that’s ever existed and then an extra 500 or so. Plus every one that “thought about going into the military”
10. Who flosses every day?
DENTIST: “How often do you floss?”
ME: (avoiding eye contact) “Uh … I think it was a week ago?”
9. Every single day.
“i have read and understood the terms and conditions…”
Think about it later and wonder wtf did I agree to?
8. We wish it was more.
How much their side hustle nets them.
Had a coworker who regularly bragged about his side hustle and how much it made him. Said that he and his girlfriend coded web advertisements for local businesses.
Found out later that his actual side hustle was stealing electronics from the store and reselling them.
7. Parenthood in a nutshell.
I remember first going on the internet as a kid, this was maybe 2000, and having to agree to the terms and conditions of the site before I could register.
It was a kid’s site (Harry Potter, maybe?) so it told me to print it off and hand it to an adult. Me and my mum sat at the kitchen table and read through it, she was trying to teach me “never sign anything you haven’t thoroughly read through”.
The next time I signed up for a site she said “oh, just agree to it, I’m tired”.
6. They didn’t work for their money.
The biggest offender I’ve noticed with this are stock market day/options traders. Used to be in a gc with my friends and they would always post their wins and make it seem like they were 50+% up in a month while arguing their investment/trading style is superior.
Later on 1-2 months later and someone asks what everyone’s all time % gain is and these people who were making “hundreds of dollars today!” are somehow up $50 in the year on an account with 5 figures to invest.
I’m young so it was always the kids who didn’t work for their money and were just given it by their parents.
5. They don’t really want to know.
When you ask them ‘how’s it going’ and they say ‘it’s going good’
“living the dream”
This is White People Speak for “I crave death’s release”.
4. Bless.
“I’m not addicted i can stop whenever I want”
I tell myself that about Reddit…I guess I’m not addicted, but a habitual user. I managed to go a few months without using it and it was nice, but when the chronic boredom sets in, I wind up here.
3. Not actually actually.
“Lol”
The other day I sat at my desk at work, watching another man type the word “lol” in a message to me. He did not laugh. He didn’t even smile.
2. I mean, that is relaxing.
“Any plans for the weekend?”
I’m going to get baked, jerk off, then sit in the shower and think about what sort of person I am, what fucked me up, and what I can do about it going forward.
“Oh you know, probably just relax.”
1. *looks around*
That they don’t pick their nose.
Yeah Sharon, I’m sure blowing your nose does a whole lot when it’s filled to the brim with biological concrete that’s clinging to your nose hairs like superglue.
These made me laugh, but also they might be onto something?
What else belongs on this list? Let us know in the comments!
