I think the extent of my bad employee choices end with using a file folder for “personal use.” These AskReddit users have a few co workers who took it a tad bit farther AND kept their jobs.
1. Hey everybody, outside there’s a NURRRRRRRSE FIIIIIIIGHT!
A nursing supervisor got into a knock down drag out fight with a nursing assistant in the parking lot. No one was fired. The big boss said what happens during off time is out of his hands.
2. Well, it is a subject with which he is intimately familiar.
Shoved a stick of celery up his ass in the produce cooler, recorded it and put it on Facebook. He is now the produce department assistant manager.
3. No story can end well if it begins with “watch this.”
My former co-worker Timmy says to me “Watch this,” as we were walking back into the warehouse from lunch. He then proceeds to hop onto a pallet rider and drifts it at full speed into a guard rail, setting the alarm off. Setting the alarm off is supposed to be an automatic drug test, and at the time we were smoking pretty tough on our lunch breaks. Thought for sure that was the last I’d see of Timmy as he walked of with LP, but he was back in a little under a half hour.
4. Goddam Kevin
I worked at a Target during my later years of High School and had a lovely coworker named Kevin. His parents were rich and essentially forced him to apply for a job to get a sense for the service industry since he would never have to work a day in his life. The whole “mommy and daddy are rich and I can sue you” cliche is true with this twat-waffle. It was a regular day in the store, but at one point our manager asked Kevin to help stock the shelves for Valentine’s Day. Apparently, Kevin bought some weed with his parent’s money and decided to go to work as high as Snoop Dogg’s bedroom. Kevin and I were stocking the shelves when I looked over at him, and there he was, breaking open the Valentine’s heart-shaped chocolate things and slurping out the cream filling. By the time I saw him doing this, it was too late. He slurped at least twenty hearts dry. At this point I am pretty pissed, so we get the manager over to knock some sense into him. Kevin is still high, but now decides to actually try to stock the shelves, since the manager was here. Kevin is a short little shit nugget, so we needed a ladder for stocking the top layers. In Kevin’s intoxicated waltz, he knocked a bag of candy off the top shelf and went down to get it before tumbling on his ass right off the ladder. The manager never filed a drug report to corporate for some reason, although I highly suspect it was because his family was rich and influential in the area. Needless to say, I quit that day. Fuck Kevin.
5. This story is just like that time Martin Sheen died.
My coworker read a rumour on twitter that a celebrity was dead, didn’t wait for confirmation from their publicist and put the story on the national wire of the country’s largest news chain as breaking news. The celebrity called our office an hour later, very much alive, stating he was just in a dentist appointment. I have no idea how he didn’t get fired.
6. This guy…
Coworker at same company we’ll refer to as “T.” T, in addition to working at the company also owned a failing restaurant with his wife (it’s legit, company knows about it and is cool with it) unfortunately for a while it was totally consuming him and his performance was failing. They decided they had to let T go. When T’s supervisor, who was about 5’7″ and weighed 150lbs tried to fire T, 6’4″ and 300 lbs. T says, “welp, I guess I have nothing left to lose” and then proceeded to flip boss’s desk 1 handed and literally pick boss up and pinned him to the wall before the rest of the guys in the office could pull him off. For some reason they decided to give T a second chance. He still works there.
Underage new employee got caught drinking on shift in front of customers at a retail job. Later had to get bailed out of jail by a manager. Kept their job. How? No clue.
8. A guy even grosser than the food.
Worked at BK, this guy catcalls ladies behind their backs all the time, and as she and her four daughters were leaving, he said: “Man, that ass is just falling out of those jeans…” Lady heard him, turned around, and demanded the person that said it. Eventually, she kept driving around through the drive-thru, and taking pictures of us inside. I thought he was going to get fired for sure, but months after I quit, I checked back in, and sure enough, he was running drive-thru.
9. Because that’s the least anybody has ever charged to their company card in Vegas.
I was at a strip club in vegas with an ad exec who charged THIRTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS on his corporate card over the course of a very long night. Not a damn thing happened to him at work.
10. The “F” in “FCC.”
Worked at a small radio station. Guy who was on air before me would record the local news for me to play at 6pm. It was recorded so if he messed up he would just start over and edit that part out. Well one day he forgets that he messed up so he doesn’t edit it. I play the news on-air at 6 and in the middle I hear “GOD DAMNIT NOW I HAVE TO DO THIS FUCKING THING AGAIN…(then in his pleasant radio voice) Hi I’m Jim Thomas with your 6 o’clock news update”. Not sure why he didn’t get fired.
11. Just testing out the merchandise for the sake of the customers. It’s all for the customers.
A guy I worked with got a dui in a company owned car with used car dealer plates on it, doing 75 in a 35 with 5 people in the car. He’s is now the used car manager.
12. Something not very Excel-ent.
Accidentally emailed the salaries of about 1,000 employees to those employees, so everyone got to see how much more money the new guy who was worse than them made. Cost a lot of money to level all those salaries.
13. A less-than-magical tale
Co-worker would read erotic Harry Potter fan fiction on her workstation for at least 6 hours a day at 40+pt font size.
14. We normally don’t condone punching teenagers
Back when I was doing my student teaching, a teacher punched a student in the face and did not get fired. In his defense, the kid was 17 and thought it would be funny to rip the wig off of a female teacher who was going through chemo. The teacher who did the punching was right there and it was pretty much an immediate reaction. Not a single person in that school blamed that teacher for what he did.
15. Failing upward
Facilities maintenance company I worked for got taken over by a new company. The new company was shit to work for. One of the guys was getting really stressed out and since his wife made big bucks she told him to quit. Instead of quitting he decided to just come and go as he pleased, stole whatever he wanted, used the shop area and company supplies to work on personal projects for his house. This went on for over a year. They promoted him out of his position into management.
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