I know that the job of a writer it, to the best of their ability, accurately reflect the truth of the world around them. It’s also nice if they have something to say about it, but the reflecting is one of the more important aspects of putting words that might mean something on a page.
Why, then, do some characters on television and in the movies sound like a caricature of human beings instead of actual people? Why do they use phrases, like these 15, that we’ve never or rarely heard people use in real life?
I don’t know the answer, but the first step to solving any problem is identifying it, so here we go!
15. None of us are really cool enough probably.
answers phone “Talk to me.”
14. Yeah no one in real life is following you.
There’s no time to explain, just follow me
13. Oooh yes the hallmark of bad writing everywhere.
“Wait, let me explain!” followed by whoever they’re talking to refusing to let them explain the comical misunderstanding they got into. It then takes an hour to resolve what would otherwise take a minute of conversation.
12. Everyone is suddenly an improv actor.
“I have an idea. Just follow my lead.”
What?? I can’t follow your lead if I don’t know what the plan is!
11. Please care about my characters!
I’ve noticed this particularly on medical shows like Grey’s Anatomy.
Doctor: walking away
Patient’s relative: “she was making pancakes!1!”
Doctor: “what?”
Patient’s relative: “when she collapsed…she was making pancakes. She made pancakes every morning for me. I never truly appreciated them. They were just pancakes. We had them every morning. Please save her. I need to eat her pancakes again.”
10. If we both know it, why are you saying it all?
“You and I both know that [insert backstory here]”
9. Okay well that solves that.
“How do I know I can trust you?”
“You don’t.”
8. No one with a human brain is going back.
“we have to go back!” (finally escaping an extremely psycho and cursed building or house)
7. Thanks, Captain Obvious.
“Hey, he is finally waking up”
6. I want to try this in real life to see what would happen but I’m guessing cabbies are over it.
“Follow that cab!”
5. Maybe in a world where the waitstaff are psychics.
At a bar ordering, “I’ll have a beer.” Or in a gas station, let me have some smokes/ cigarettes”
They never ask for a specific brand
4. Every. Time.
Hackers saying “I’m in”
3. People use names in dialogue so much more often in scripts.
“Hey, sis.”
“What’s up, bro?”
“Do you remember how our mom died in that car crash 3 years ago?”
“Yeah, that’s the reason why dad has been drinking. But thankfully we have each other.”
“You’re the best sister, sis.”
2. I do this to my son but only because his ADHD usually means he won’t hear me if I don’t say his name first.
“Hey, (name)…”
“What?”
“…Thanks.”
1. Huh. I’m always kind of glad for the dummies version. Ha!
*character says something mildly technical*
“In English, please?”
I’ve never thought too much about some of these but it’s definitely true.
What’s your pet peeve that falls into this category? Crab away in the comments!
