Giving birth is not an easy process, physically or mentally. It is utterly exhausting for everyone involved, as well it should be. It is the way we bring new life into the world–it’s good that it isn’t an easy thing to do.
But that is not the same as saying it should be dramatic. When emotions are running high, it’s easy to see how a potentially innocuous remark could get blown out of proportion, but that’s not what we’re talking here. We’re talking cheating, revelations about paternity, babies coming out all sorts of unexpected things, etc.
These 15 AskReddit stories are just about as Jerry Springer as it gets:
1. Vasectomy
It wasn’t at the birth, but: I used to work for a urologist who did vasectomies. He did a vas on a guy, then did the requisite 3-month and 6-month semen analysis follow up tests to make sure it worked. The 6 month test showed no sperm, so the guy was all set to…not father children. Fast forward two years, and he calls my surgeon fuming, ranting and raving about how he fucked up the vasectomy and now his wife is pregnant. So doc orders another semen analysis – of course, it comes back totally negative. A very awkward conversation ensued in the exam room that I’d have paid anything to eavesdrop on. The best part is, the couple left the office pissed off, with the wife sticking to her story that she would never cheat on her husband, and the husband in complete denial that she’d ever lie about that. Last I heard they were gearing up to sue or something, but I don’t work there anymore so I don’t know what happened 🙁
2. Details, details…
A patient asked if both possible fathers could be in her c-section so that neither would miss the birth of his child. They’d figure out the details later.
3. What kind of baby is it?
My friend was a delivery nurse for the hospital that all high risk pregnancies go to. They are extremely busy and she has brought a lot of people into the world. She once delivered a baby in the parking lot by herself. This has come up on a weekly basis, but she shared the best story with us.
A Caucasian couple come in and the mother is in labor. When the dude is filling out paperwork the mother takes the doctor aside. She tells him there is a chance that the baby may a different race than the father and to let her know as soon as the baby is born.
The baby is born. The doctor turns to the mother and announces loudly,”Congratulations on your WHITE baby boy.”
4. Blood Type Tells All
My mom is a labor and delivery nurse. One time she had a patient whose parents were present during her stay at the hospital. The staff there have a white board with some general information about the patients like blood type, time spent in the wing, and like how far along. This information is nameless for HIPAA reasons and instead has a patients number.
So this patient happened to be the only one in the wing at the time. Her father was walking back from the cafeteria at one point, and noticed the board. He stopped one of the nurses and asked if the blood type for the patient on the board was correct (he knew his daughter was the only patient there). It was B+. The nurse confirmed it was correct.
Turns out he knew his and his wife’s blood type. He was O+ and his wife was A-. This combination will never yield a B+ baby. He brings his wife out and just points at the board and this look of shock washes over her.
TL:DR Father of patient in labor finds out his wife cuckolded him 25 years later by knowing his blood type punnit squares.
5. Lucky Guy
I’m not a doctor, but when my godson was born, the nurse told us about this guy who had gotten two girls pregnant at the same time. They both wound up at that hospital just down the hall from each other giving birth hours apart. What a lucky guy.
6. Lucky you!
These stories remind me of something I experienced first hand the day after my son was born:
Nurse: So your baby’s blood type is A- Wife: Like me! Nurse: And daddy! Me: No, I’m A+ Nurse: You must be mistaken, that combination isn’t possible. (…) Nurse: Uh, I’ll leave you guys to it. Me: pulls out phone and frantically Googles “baby blood type combinations”
(the nurse was wrong).
7. Pretty damn “Jerry Springer”
Funny story that reminds me of this. My husband, then boyfriend, was in the process of getting divorced when I found out I was pregnant. His soon to be ex wife found out a month later she was also pregnant from a guy she had a one night stand with (not my husband). Prior to this she was refusing to sign divorce papers because she hoped to reconcile even if he did have a pregnant girlfriend. Obviously it wouldn’t work out since she got knocked up by another guy so she finally signed them.
The similar part is that our due dates were 11 days apart. We had the same obstetrician, and were set to deliver at the same hospital. My company switched insurances a week before I was due and I got to pick a different hospital. Wouldn’t you know it, we went into labor hours apart and delivered on the same day. Our obstetrician had to deliver my son first and then run across town to deliver her son. The OB did a double take when she saw my ex’s family show up to visit her later after visiting us. They were the “he may have divorced her, but we didn’t” mind. His sister even stayed when she delivered to be her support buddy even though she was officially with the one night stand guy and his family was there.
Our OB told us she thought that may have been the most “Jerry Springer” thing she had seen in awhile.
8. Oh, snap!
My friend told me this story of hers. Woman and her husband were having their first child and it was the friends first ever delivery (ob/gyn). When she got the baby out she looked at it, then looked at the parents and asked “OK, which of you has six fingers?” The mother broke down crying yelling I’m sorry to the husband…their neighbor apparently had 6 fingers.
