Society has a lot of ideas when it comes to the “right” way to date and how to decide within a couple of hours if the person on the other side of the table from you is waving a bunch of red flags or not.
But here’s the thing: people are all different. While some folks – or even most folks – might buy into the idea that there are some things you just can’t overlook, there will also be people who are the opposite, and see green lights instead of red ones.
Here are 16 people who say they don’t agree with what society has deemed a red flag for dating.
16. If it’s mutual.
When a woman approaches me first, texts me first and calls me first sometimes.
I don’t like feeling like I’m chasing a woman. I need it to be mutual.
15. Mutual weirdness is where it’s it.
Honestly weirdness, I need someone interesting.
Mutual weirdness is the way to go.
14. Cats are cool!
Liking cats. I know how this sounds, but hear me out.
People who like cats usually know how to respect boundaries, have secure attachment styles and are overall good at respecting you as an independent entity. (Which is important especially if you are a woman, sadly)
Moreover, any pet guardian is generally good at nourishing relationships. This is of course a huge simplification, but more often than not it is a good indicator.
13. Not being on social media.
This may seem creepy to the general populace, but if someone tells me they don’t have social media I see that as a HUGE green flag.
It usually means they’re less concerned about what their peers and society expects of them.
12. Honesty is the best policy.
Being honest about your feelings and telling another person you really like them, not ‘waiting’ a certain amount of time if you want to talk/meet/have sex.
Sharing your values, beliefs and future plans in the beginning to know if you’re actually compatible.
11. Probably not a serial killer.
Being off of social media apps or limiting phone use.
Most women I was interested in would ask me for my instagram or facebook and when I replied I had neither they looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo, one girl even asked if I was a serial killer.
10. Actually a relief.
One of the coolest things I’ve seen was when I met up with a group of friends and there was a new girl. We hit it off super well, but alcohol had something to do with that.
The next day, we were texting and she basically said, “Hey, I want you to know that I sent mixed messaged yesterday but I am not interested in anything other than friendship.”
With all the nonsense of being lead on, it was such a nice relief.
9. It’s too soon.
Being honest about one’s feelings because some people think it’s ‘too soon’.
8. You never know.
Lack of longterm relationships.
Could mean a fear of commitment, or could mean that they don’t waste their time when they know it’s not working.
7. You don’t want to waste your time.
Talking about love and marriage early. That’s… Why I’m here.
For real. In the long run, you either get married/become life partners or break up.
6. Being a mama’s boy (or girl).
Being close with your mother. I knew a girl who made fun of me because I liked to go over to my mom’s house and hang out. She’s my mom. I love her. And she’s f**king rad…so…yeah?
“Oh you’re a mama’s boy!” People get this weird Norman Bates idea when a grown man doesn’t mind going over to see his mom who is excited to make chili for him and watch TV lol
I’d actually consider this a reverse red flag on the other person. You think me hanging out with my mom is weird? Yeesh.
5. It’s just how some people are.
Being shy and awkward… when someone truly likes someone they might be extra shy.
However, learning more constructive ways of approaching someone you like also has a much higher chance of success, and so is worth trying to get good at.
4. The older you are, the greener the light.
Bringing up whether or not you want to have kids on a first date.
Maybe a red flag if you’re in your early 20s or younger, but in your 30s, expectations about kids and family (among other things) is something I want to be on the same page about before getting too invested.
3. Nerds for the win.
Hardcore hobbies. Nerds make great lovers.
I’ve met my favorite lovers through medieval reenactment.
2. They do matter.
Talking about your political and religious position. Those do matter if you want a partner who really matches to you.
It’s funny that we have no problem filling these items out for our public dating profile, but they’re somehow taboo to talk about in person. Like… WTF, people?
1. Being too keen.
People are very into taking it slow and consider someone being quite committed and interested early on as a huge red flag.
I know too many people who spend months in talking stage purgatory to think someone showing a lot of commitment and being up front about being keen is a bad thing.
I totally agree with some of these, because some people’s red flags are another person’s worthless games.
What red flag do you think is nothing of the sort? If it’s not on this list, lay it on us in the comments!
