9. Mouth Glass
When I was much younger I used to bite down a bit on a glass when I was drinking it and one day I bit through it and cut my mouth.
A few weeks later I was out with my parents for dinner and they were telling some friends about what I did and I said “it was like this” and bit down on the glass breaking it and cutting my mouth again!
10. Three times?!
Got drunk, punched a window for fun (because they do it in the movies), shattered my wrist, mangled my hand so severely you could see my tendons through the cuts. Arterial spray was so bad that I got blood on the celling.
2 years later, got drunk, punched the same window, because somehow I decided the new glass I had put up was weaker than the previous (it was simply modern, thinner glass). The underbelly of my hand (karate chop area) was practically cut off, severed my thumb tendon and cut up my radial nerve so badly that I lost all feeling from under my palm up to the middle of my forearm.
You’d think that was the end of it… fast forward 6 months later, messing around with thick working gloves made for handling barbed wire. I spotted a panel of glass leaning against a wall, and figured I’d get my revenge, because no way anything can cut through this armored gauntlet looking glove. Punched said glass, ended up with a 6cm shard of glass stuck to my wrist.
11. “Within half an hour.”
Broke 6,000 USD high pressure mercury penetrometer. Two of them. Within half an hour. The lab had to shut the porosimetry section because they didn’t have enough penetrometers to keep processing samples.
12. “There are no once-in-a-lifetime mess ups in my world.”
Oh man, there are no once-in-a-lifetime mess ups in my world. In the past two months I’ve blown the tires on two rental cars immediately after pulling out of the lot. Last night I had to break into my own apartment after forgetting my keys but it’s cool, I’ve done this before. Earlier this summer I dropped my phone in water, got it replaced, and dropped my new phone in water in a span of about 48 hours. I accidentally put ear medicine in my eye twice (the bottle looks like a bottle of eye drops) before I decided to throw out the bottle. I’ve broken two lemon juicers by pressing them two hard. I’ve missed… several flights after writing down the wrong date or time.
13. Ex
Trust my cheating boyfriend.
14. Clipped
I was at a shooting range and managed to hit the clip holding the target and it broke. The range manager guy came and replaced the clip, replaced the target and gave me the go ahead to start shooting again.
I aimed, pulled the trigger and hit the brand new clip and broke it again.
15. “Oh god I’m sorry; I meant…”
My friend’s dad was dying of terminal cancer, and decided to marry his girlfriend before he died. When talking to said friend, to her extreme distress, I accidentally called the wedding a funeral. Realizing my mistake, I tried to correct myself by saying “Oh god I’m sorry; I meant funeral!” I called it a funeral twice. Not good.
16. Not a Bartender
One time I tried to make a mixed drink in a martini shaker, and said drink had soda in it… The lid blew off and sprayed soda and vodka everywhere, it was a huge mess and I vowed to learn my lesson.
Then somewhere down the road several years later I found myself doing it again, and I realized what I had done with the clarity of a Vietnam flashback only moments before the lid popped off and sprayed soda everywhere.
