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Let’s start this post off saying that whether you’re single or attached, there are people who envy your situation. Being single can be great, as can being attached, but when it comes down to it, the right thing is what feels best to you at a certain time in your life.
These 18 people are still single, and as they share their reasons, you’ll see they run the gamut – just like the people who are sharing them.
18. Maybe time for therapy.
Self-sabotaging tendencies when things are going too smooth.
I’m 100% considering putting this in my dating apps.
Maybe another dismissive avoidant attachment style person will see it and we change chill without depending on each other.
17. They’re working on themselves.
I don’t think I’m in a position to add to someone’s life as of this moment. I’d like to address a few things in my life before looking for someone to attach it to.
Some people start doing this and find that they really don’t even need a relationship. They start finding that they can fulfill a lot of their own needs just fine without.
My former ideas of what I was taught I should like and what I actually like are different. Boundaries were never taught to me growing up and at nearly 40 years old I am having to undo and reconstruct a lot of things. It is very difficult to even consider what a relationship could be like at this point.
I don’t have the bandwidth for it and that is enough for me to not try and mess anyone else up if I feel lonely (which passes like a mood or emotion.)
16. They want to be themselves.
I love myself. I love my hobbies, I’m kind of content with the way I look, I can have normal conversations, I love my own world views and my own interests.
I just realize most of them don’t fit into a “””normal””” social environment. It’s enough for friends that can come and go, and I’m fine for those few hours I’m among people, but I don’t want to keep up an act around a person I potentially want to live with.
15. They feel unsure.
I don’t know how to date. I don’t know where to look, how to talk, what to do. Each time I like someone and I tell them I end up being so awkward and butcher the whole thing and regret putting myself in that vulnerable position.
Right now I’m just trying to start up therapy and hopefully I can go from there.
14. They don’t love themselves.
I’ve actually come up with excuses when I was invited to go out for a drink with a woman I find hugely attractive just because I don’t think I’m a worthwhile person. Which is a really weird thing to think if you stop for a minute, because she wouldn’t be inviting me if she actually thought that.
We’ll be spending a lot of time together this weekend though, so maybe things will finally change.
13. They’re trying to break the cycle.
Because the patterns of behaviour I learned when young aren’t conducive to a healthy relationship.
And at the moment I’m single because I’m focused on healing and letting go of old patterns of behaviour.
12. Some people love those.
I’m on the menu, but no one wants to take a bite. I am a gas station hotdog.
11. As simple as that.
It’s a peaceful life.
I found peace and comfort in being a single. There’s more pros than cons of living by my own. Anyway, I am not planning to have family (children), and never did so what’s the point to be in relationship?
10. They’re a homebody.
Because I rarely go out to meet new people. And even when I do, I feel too anxious to even talk to strangers.
9. They’re comfortable.
I’m so comfortable in my singleness, I do not want to disrupt the peace by adding another person.
Edit: have to make a clarification, peace may have been the wrong word more like “full”. I have a pretty fulfilling life with my friends and family and adding another person to share that time seems like I would have to reorganize my time and I really don’t want to do that currently.
8. Therapy is in order.
My attachment style needs some work. I end up losing my sense of self in pursuit of relationship happiness, counter-intuitively.
All my past relationships have had an unbalanced level of attachment/perceived attachment on one side—either I’m more attached and miserable or she’s more attached and I’m not caring, making her miserable.
There are more underlying issues but hoping to work it out and eventually find a better match.
7. You have to make a move.
One of the hardest parts of effective dating is that learning the dating game is an iterative process.
It is one of those things in life – like ballroom dancing – that you have to push through the “I suck” part in order to get to the “I got this” part.
Best advice I got was “You already have her ‘no’. Work on perfecting how to get a ‘yes’. ”
And just to be clear: this doesn’t mean badgering people. It means going out there & playing the dating game with an open mind and a free spirit until you get the hang of it. Be kind, agreeable, and start collecting those rejections until you start earning those interests.
6. There’s a lot to learn.
Because I realized there’s a lot about myself I need to work on and while I want to be with someone I feel like i need to reach the best/ideal version of myself.
Gotta learn to really love myself before I try to love someone else if that makes sense.
5. They’re grieving.
My last partner, fiance passed away suddenly, 37 years old. Years later I struggle to find good relationships so I’ve just given up 🙁
I’m OK, I plod on in the hope that better things happen, I know there are people far worse off than myself too. My thoughts and best wishes go out to anyone who’s lost a partner too. Thanks again, much love to everyone.
4. They’re bogged down in their own issues.
It really sucks to date when you’re bogged down in your own issues.
For example, when I was younger, I was really depressed and I sought out some kind of person to be with because I didn’t see value in myself unless someone else was in love with me. I felt that if I wasn’t in a relationship, that no one loved me and thus I wasn’t worthy of love. So I got in some pretty terrible relationships with terrible people. I got used a lot. But I stuck it out for way longer than I should have because I placed so much of my self worth on being loved.
After getting out of one particularly terrible relationship, I fell into a really deep hole mentally. It was the worst I’ve ever felt. After that, I really focused in on trying to get better. I saw therapists, I got on meds, I got to fixing my other issues. And most importantly, I stopped caring about dating. I put myself off the market until I felt like I was in a good place.
And you know what? When I finally was in a good place and was just doing what I wanted to do with my life, I ran into someone who I really clicked with. I only found my person once I stopped caring about finding a person and just focused on being the best version of myself I could be. Now it’s 2 years later and we’re engaged.
That was a bit rambling, but I think you get what I’m going for here. This is a great attitude to have. You can’t love someone else if you aren’t in a good place yourself. When you work on yourself and get to a good place and just live your life for yourself, you’ll bump into someone.
3. They’re happy with one.
I lost my husband last year. I’ve had my soul mate. No one else could ever love me as much as he did. I’d rather be happy in the afterglow of love.
I think it just might hold me ’til death us do reunite.
2. They’re fine the way they are.
Also, I’m not saying I want to be single forever but at the moment, I’m not looking for it ’cause I don’t really need a relationship right now. I like alone time. Also, I’m moving out of my parents house soon and I don’t need to have them replaced by someone else walking in my way all the time haha… Sure, the other doesn’t have to move in right away but it would still be someone that’s in your life all the time and I just really want to be on my own for a while, you know? With my only obligation being my job and I can do whatever I feel like at all times outside of that.
The only downside to this is that my friends and family are giving me shit for it, as if it’s a failure even though it doesn’t feel that way at all to me. I genuinely think I’m happier this way for now.
1. Anxiety is a beast.
Because I stress about many things.
I love my partner and I’m happy with my life, but there are for sure days I miss being single!
If you’re single, tell us in the comments whether it’s a choice or just where you’re at now, and how you feel about it, too!
