22. Zing!

For context this was at a Catholic school, and the teacher (a very stern fire and brimstone nun) and the student (an extremely liberal anglican) had been at each others nerves all year. After correcting the teacher on something she had gotten wrong, the nun said something along the lines of “I hope you learn to enjoy the heat because it’s going to be very hot when you end up in the deepest level of hell.”

And entirely unruffled, without a moment’s hesitation she responded “Actually, according to Dante’s inferno the deepest level of hell is made of ice, but don’t worry I’ll bring a jacket.”

23. This could get ugly

I went to a Catholic high school. One day in religion class, a girl asked if dogs went to heaven. Our teacher said “no.” The girl said, “But it happened in some movie” (I can’t remember what movie she said. The teacher said “You can’t believe what you see in movies.” A guy in the back of the class jumped in and said “Passion of Christ was a movie.”

24. Burn!

I’m a diving coach and I have 4 divers I’m responsible for so I don’t usually get swimmers contact info. We were on our way to a meet and one of the swimmers was not on the bus. I said, “Who has [redacted]’s number?”

No one.

So obviously I got mad. “This is your teammate and not one of you girls has her phone number to text her?” So one of my divers chimed in, “Why don’t you coach?”

I said, “I have 4 divers, I don’t need another 30 high school girls numbers in my phone.”

She replied, “Hahaha, you wish!”

Easily the best burn of my coaching career.