14. Birth Control

I worked at an OB/GYN clinic for 7 years. One day a girl called and said she had a broken shot glass up her vagina. Upon asking how it got there, she said she was using it as birth control. Thankfully, it worked, because no one that stupid should have children.

15. Wrong End

While working in the ER, an older woman came in and complained of a headache and rectal pain. Nothing too out of the ordinary by themselves, but an odd combination of complaints. A few questions in, we find out that patient has been attempting to treat her headache with over the counter ibuprofen… Rectally. She was pretty embarrassed when we told her over the counter meds can’t be taken rectally unless specified.

16. Round Down

Had an old farmer come in to the ED one day with a severely infected wound on his head. Turned out he had a growth developing on his head for the past few weeks (which turned out to be a tumour). He had been treating it with RoundUp (a potent weed killer) because “that shit kills everything”…

17. Shattered

My Uncle had a rotten tooth, and was scheduled to get a proper surgical removal the next day, but it was just too painful. In the middle of the night he attempted to remove the rotten tooth himself with a pair of needle nose pliers. He didn’t realize that the rotten tooth was very weak, so when he attempted the removal, the tooth shattered. This made him have to get in his car and drive himself to the hospital (while biting down on a blood-soaked cloth) to get much more expensive emergency surgery to remove the shards of tooth. That was truly idiotic.

18. Splen-don’t

Responded to a nursing home for diabetic patient, unresponsive.

The nurse didn’t keep up with the insulin and gave a tad bit too much, decreasing the pt’s blood sugar. Ok, this is fixable. I walk in to see another nurse pouring Splenda down this lady’s mouth.

She has snoring restorations and the Splenda is just being inhaled into her lungs. It also isn’t doing shit for this poor lady because it isn’t fucking sugar.

After give this lady some D50 (IV sugar water) she came to, but felt like she couldn’t get enough air.

She ended up being treated for a few days for pneumonia.

I swear, some people get their medical licenses from the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.

19. Nothing can be even worse.

Urologist here. Sometimes doing nothing is the worst thing. I’ve seen plenty of patients with advanced penile cancer to the point where identifying anything that resembles a penis is impossible. How some people let it get to that stage still surprises me.