Pride is a strong emotion, but not as strong as embarrassment. Is it cool that you can blow bubbles of spit? Maybe. Is that something you should tell your co-workers? No. No matter how much you may want to. Even though you think your boss might think it’s funny, and then consider you a cooler guy, easier to relate to, and potentially management material…
Seriously, it’s not a good idea.
That’s what these 20 AskReddit users figured out. Even though some of these accomplishments are legit impressive, not all of them are worth bringing up. Cause, you know. Reasons.
1. Crimestopper
I led to the capture of a murderer by recognizing things that were being sold to me as things that I had sold to the guy who was killed.
Basically, I found who killed our best customer and didn’t even get a raise.
So, basically, I was the low level retail slave in this little video game shop that specialized in retro stuff. I was doing my thing one day when this dude comes in, looking high outta his gourd and twitchy as hell, asking if we would buy a large number of games and systems from him. I tell him yes, and he goes out to his car to grab some stuff. Alarms go off in my head when he brings in multiple NES systems and an SNES in the packages that I put them in when I was getting them ready for sale. When he goes out to his car for the second load, I page my boss in the back, and tell him “Yo. Dude. Something fishy here. Call this guy to make sure he’s okay.”
Sure enough, sketchy guy walks back in with his second load, which includes games with our sales labels on them that we had only had in the store twice and sold both copies of to the same collector.
My boss couldn’t reach the other guy, so he sent his brother, the owner of the shop, to his house to check up on him.
He found the guy dead.
Sketchy ended up pleading guilty, I believe, and is serving a sweet bit of time in lockup.
2. Master Bowler
I bowled a perfect game in my junior league when I was 16. Don’t brag because no one takes bowling seriously. Also, it means I peaked 23 years ago.
3. Well, I’m impressed
When I was younger, I got really into Minesweeper. Like, really into it. I would play it over and over, just trying to beat my best times. After countless games, I managed to beat the small mode in three seconds. It was my crowning achievement.
One time I actually did try to brag about it. It was in middle school and we were working in the computer lab. I got done with my assignment, and I decided to play a bit of Minesweeper to pass the time. The girl next to me noticed and was like, “Oh, you actually know how to play that?” Me being the suave ladykiller that I am, responded with “Yeah, my best time is three seconds!” I was met with a blank stare, and then she turned back to her screen without a word.
I haven’t brought it up since.
4. Prolific
I’ve written over a thousand songs for complete strangers on the internet. Most people in my life don’t even know I own a guitar. I don’t think they would appreciate how much songwriting means to me. And I don’t need my coworkers to hear some of these songs, which sometimes are super dark and vulgar.
5. I don’t know what that is, but it sure sounds impressive
I achieved the #1 highest melee kills in the first year of Destiny across all consoles and classes.
6. Dude!
When I first got together with my wife I would go down on her for like 20-25 minutes before she got off.
Now 7 years later I can get her off in less than 3 minutes.
Most people just don’t wanna hear about that, but I’m pretty proud of myself. And every time she seems amazed.
7. Seriously, you’re a good person
In 2007 I got a new girlfriend with a 9-year-old daughter who was abused by two different people and had a deadbeat father. She had all kinds of emotional problems, but was a great kid. I stayed with the girlfriend for a 6 years longer than I should have because her daughter was like my daughter. Poor kid received every type of counselling there was for years. Fast forward a few years and she’s 16 and stable–they moved to another state but we keep in touch. On Father’s Day she e-mailed me and told me that after all the counselling and medications the reason she was able to trust men again was because of me. I never felt like a more worthwhile person than that moment, but I’ve never shared it with anyone before.
