9. Big birthday blowout

21st birthday. The week leading up to it my (now ex) boyfriend had been ignoring me, typical stuff. So the day comes, we take a boat ride (not my idea but hey, who cares it’s only my birthday). Naturally after we end up at the bars, working our way back home and surely enough I’m drunk off my butt by the time we get there.

So seeing this, he decides that now would be a good time to pick a huge argument with me in the middle of the bar, followed by a dramatic exit so he could smoke a cigarette, or so I assumed. It wasn’t until I realized it had been like 20 or so minutes that I walked outside to realize he had left me there.

Yeah. That one definitely takes the cake for me.

10. Whose birthday was it again?

My fifteenth birthday, was on holiday with my bio-dad and step mum who despised me and my sister. My dad wished me a happy birthday and asked me what I would like to do, before I could answer my step mother insisted she needed a new pair of shoes.

I spent my fifteenth birthday sitting quietly in the corner of a shoe shop while somebody who hated me and wanted to alienate me from my father tried on endless pairs of shoes, that he would buy for her.

11. Super!

My Birthday is at the very end of January. So often this coincides with the Super Bowl.

16th birthday was going to be a Super Bowl party. Gave out a ton of invites, paper and verbal. Had a bunch of people say they would swing by either for the whole thing or for the first half. Blah Blah Blah.

Put out snacks, had the game on the big screen. Only had two people show up and they didn’t even come inside. They just dropped off a small cake on their way to a different Super Bowl party.

At halftime I finally gave up hope that anyone else was showing up and told my mom to put the snacks away as I was going to bed.

12. Oh, get over it

It was my 19th birthday. I was living in the dorms, and my friends got together and decided to give me a surprise party. This included them going out of their way to not see me all day, to avoid telling me happy birthday. All of my friends ignored me for the entire day, only to call me down to one of their rooms at 11:00 PM. I was getting ready for bed, ready to put the whole crappy day behind me. Instead I have to go down there to find them all drinking. They didn’t understand why that was not exactly a fun experience.

13. Ouch

Worst birthday was the 23rd for me.

Invited small friend circle only, to spent some time at my apartment with food, cake and drinks … later on we would make a local pub tour.

One friend arrived with some booze as present. The two of us spent most time alone because only 3 hours later the other invited guests arrived. The later guests were all drunk – really drunk – but they were all close friends of me. Nevertheless all the drunks did was eating the cake and vomit into the bathroom. After they were done with their exorcism, they left due to their conditions.

I was left with 2 friends which I invited to an all you can drink for free local pub tour.

14. V-day

My birthday is on Valentine’s day. The day before my 23rd birthday my (now ex) boyfriend of 5 years gave me this hideous Swarovski necklace and then dumped me. I was a server at the time, and spent my actual birthday trying not to cry my eyes out/slobber into everyone’s food as I spent my night serving lovey-dovey couples. I threw the necklace in the trash. (I would have sold it, but it was going for less than store value on eBay & amazon.)

15. Face plant

I don’t remember exactly which birthday it was, I think 9th or 10th, we were all set to go to Chuck E Cheese with some friends and their parents for my birthday. I was out in the yard with my friends playing with skate boards until it was time to leave for the pizza party. One of my shoe laces came undone, went under the wheel of the skateboard I was riding on and it pulled me down and I face planted into the sidewalk and took a good chunk if not all of the skin off my nose. Bloodied and crying, we still went to Chuck E Cheese. I felt so insecure with this big bloodied scar of a nose while we were out in public.

16. Get better friends

For my 19th birthday, I organized a party at a friend’s house with tons of booze and tons of snacks. My ARMY buddy whose house it was at even procured Everclear for the Jungle Juice. I invited pretty much everyone I knew and told them to invite their friends.

One friend showed up.

Six years later, I tried again. I organized a “taste tripping” party where you take these Miracle Berry tablets that change the way your tongue tastes food (sour tastes sweet). I had a bunch of different foods on a platter for people to try tasting. Again, I invited everyone I knew. Only one friend and his girlfriend showed up.

I’ve decided to stop throwing birthday parties.