10. No one should have to do this

The meals my wife and skipped out on so he could have food.

11. 8 hard years

I was a heroin addict for many years and on methadone for several more before I got clean. My son was 8 when I was finally done with it.

12. Yikes

My dad probably doesn’t want me to know that he had a penis enlargement. I went into hospital once for a lump on my balls and the doctor looked at my medical records and said something about a penis enlargement.

Then when I told him I hadn’t had one, he showed me the records, which clearly stated the procedure. I then noticed that the DoB was wrong and I went on tell him. He clearly hadn’t looked at the age and just gone on name and address. (we have the same name, my dad and I).

13. Paper chaser

That I was a Stripper in my early 20s.

14. Private person

As a dad, I’m not really a huge fan of the idea that any aspect of my life should be a secret. I really didn’t know a lot about my own dad before he died (he was in my life, just a very private person).

I learned more about his past in the week it took to clear out his apartment than I did in the 27 years I knew him.

15. Threes company

My wife and I are good people, college graduates, decent jobs, take care of our family.

Things got carried away one night with one my wife’s friends and we had a threesome while my son was in his crib in our room.

16. No secrets

That I was boring as heck. I Never did anything or have a secret sex life that I’d want to hide. Guess that’s something I wouldn’t want the kids to know, who wants to be known for being boring.

17. Lots to tell

All the partying and drugs I did in college. The random sex, skipping class, going to Mexico with some guy I met two days before. Drinking ALL.THE.TIME.

Getting a DUI, abusing Rx drugs, going to psych wards (twice). I’ll try to keep most of my past the past.

18. Superman Juice

That V8 isn’t colloquially known as “superman juice” and that it doesn’t actually make you immediately grow and run faster.

I demonstrate the effects of it by standing behind the kitchen counter as they sit and watch me drink it myself, then I slightly go on my tiptoes as their eyes widen and their jaws drop to the floor.

Meanwhile I pretend to not notice if anything happened and ask them if I grew at all… then with wide-eyes they squeal that I did and furiously chug the V8. Then they ask me if they grew and I tell them their arms got juuuust a little longer… or their ears grew juuuuust a little… etc… then they sprint across the house to see if they feel faster.

Good way of getting them to drink some liquid veggies and get some exercise.