Warning: Spoilers ahead.
1. Don’t chop up your house with an ax.
Obviously you want to hit your wall with an ax, but don’t. Even if you think your son is trapped inside the wall, don’t. That’s not how alternate universes work. Maybe if you opened up a science fiction book instead of your ax cabinet, you’d know that. You’ll never ever get your security deposit back. Landlords DGAF about your wall son.
2. Hoes before Bros (aka Barbs before Steves.)
Don’t have sex with the hot popular boy and leave your nerd friend hanging in the breeze. I don’t care how sick his hair looks, ditching your bestie is not cool. She’ll be bummed and get sucked in “The Upside Down” to painfully die alone. Do you really want that on your conscience?
3. It’s never too early to start decorating for Christmas.
Are you someone who starts humming Christmas songs in August? Stop feeling ashamed. If there’s one thing I learned from Stranger Things, it’s that Christmas lights are dope AF, any time of year. Electricity bills be damned, string those bad boys up everywhere.
Go ahead and make a Ouija board on your living room wall out of Christmas lights and craft paint. How else is Santa (or your missing son) gonna communicate with you?
4. A.B.K. (Always bring Kleenex)
You never know when you’re going to meet a quirky friend who suffers from persistent nosebleeds.
Give this girl a tissue!
That feeling when you never have Kleenex for your chronic superpower-related nosebleeds.
Not even a shred of toilet paper? COME ON BOYS, WTF!
5. The Buddy System ain’t no joke.
Utilize the buddy system in your everyday life. It’s great for when there’s a weirdo hitting on you, when there’s a public bathroom door that won’t lock, or when a Demogorgon wants to kidnap and murder you.
6. Don’t live in Indiana.
Ever notice scary weird shit always seems to go down in some random small town in the Midwest? That’s why I moved from one of those towns to a big city where demons are the least of your problems.
This would never happen in Soho.
If a monster walked into my apartment right now, I’d be like, “Um, I’d totally love to get sucked into your bizarro underworld, but my rent’s $9,000 a month, a homeless man just exposed himself to me, and I’ve got bed bugs.
Kinda dealing with lot of shit right now monster demon, but thanks.”
He’d totally blend in on the subway.
7. Be nice to girls.
If you can’t be nice to girls because of basic human decency, then at least do it because there’s a chance they’ll wreck your life with their magical brain powers.
Show some respect or you might get killed. At the very least you might pee your pants in public, which is almost as bad.
Be nice to women, especially ones with chronic persistent nosebleeds.
AND GET THEM A FREAKIN’ TISSUE!
This article was first published by our partners at Someecards