Motherhood is not for the weak, and some days, it seems like no matter what parenting choice we make, our kids are going to bring it up in therapy one day.
That said, there are some specific words and sayings that we know now are harmful to some or a majority of children, with the effects lasting well into adulthood.
So, if you’re going for raising the most mentally-healthy kids possible, you may want to avoid these 6 anxiety-producing comments.
6. You’re going to fall and break your neck
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We all want our kids to be safe, but going overboard in telling them about all of the nasty things that could (but probably won’t) result from their antics won’t do anything positive, either. According to Parents, it’s best to use smaller and more realistic terms when warning your kiddos about danger.
“Imagining the best outcome rather than the worst one is one way to manage negative anticipations and control tendencies to catastrophize.”
5. Stop crying
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Sure, you know in your head that telling your child to stop crying is the opposite of helpful, but sometimes you just can’t help yourself. Still, according to experts, you should try.
“Statements like ‘stop crying’ convey to a child that sad feelings are unacceptable. As a result, when these feelings invariably resurface, the child may become an anxious adult.”
4. Let me do that for you
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It can be anxiety-producing for you to watch your kid struggle to eat cereal or tie their shoes or do anything, basically, when you’re running late, but psychologist Graham C.L. Davey says you should definitely rein yourself in.
“Such over-involvement is likely to increase the child’s perception of threat, reduce the child’s perceived control over threat, increase avoidance of threat, and lead to worrying about potential threats.”
3. Calm down
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Clinical psychologist Scott Bea says that even if you’re just trying to help, these words will kick your kid’s anxiety into high gear.
“So many of the things you might say end up having a paradoxical effect and make the anxiety worse. Anxiety can be like quicksand: the more you do to try to diffuse the situation immediately, the deeper you sink. By telling people things like ‘stay calm,’ they can actually increase their sense of panic.”
2. You’re okay
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Your kid is technically okay – and perhaps you’re even just trying to reassure yourself in the moment.
But… they don’t feel okay. And you telling them they are says their emotions are wrong, or don’t count as much as yours do.
1. It’s no big deal
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If your child is upset about something, it’s a big deal to them in the moment.
Telling them otherwise says that not only do you not understand how they feel, you’re not taking it into consideration.
Good luck out there, mamas!
