Now that J.K. Rowling has alienated a good number of her readers because of her stance on feminism and how it relates to the rights of trans women, we don’t have to pretend that there’s nothing bad about Hogwarts or the rest of the world she created anymore.
If we imagine it to be a real place, of course there are aspects that could be improved and sh*tty people (obviously) – and these 15 fans (or maybe ex-fans, who knows?) have some pretty funny ideas about the less-than-glam things about attending Hogwarts.
15. I never thought about that! Ha!
The size of the place!
Just had potions and now I’ve got to walk for two hours to get to the other side of this huge castle for my next lesson
14. I’m sure they have a magical cleaning crew for that?
Owl shit.
Everywhere.
13. I guess it depends on how kinky you are.
The portraits watching you wank.
And do they enjoy watching?
It’s too much to think about!
12. How will you pay your bills without it?!
Never learning maths, science, technology.
You rely solely on magic, which you can’t do without a wand.
Imagine misplacing that one tiny piece of wood.
11. You have to be on your guard.
Basically anything is hostile.
Like, everything.
The floor, the books, the cups probably, I wouldn’t trust the flying candles either
10. It would be embarrassing but I’m sure they have a plan for that.
Somebody accidentally turning you into a chair during spell practice
9. Whoopsie!
Montague was stuck in limbo between the vanishing cabinets for weeks, and when he reappeared he was in the pipes.
No one cared.
8. This would be so awful as a teenager.
Every student in your 3rd year DADA class knowing what your worst fear is.
(Morbid thought. I wonder how many boggart classes managed to identify abused kids. I mean, I can see a lot of kids’ boggarts turning into their abusers/parents.)
7. It’s hard to argue with that.
They always talk about how superior they are to muggles, yet muggles have telephones and they’re still using birds to communicate.
6. I mean that is a lot.
You just wanna be a kid in school, already dealing with teen life and the shit that happens there; crushes, dates, bullying, your mediocre magic abilities.
Yet before you know it you’re being dragged into some fucking race war and get slaughtered like the cannon fodder you are because you were nowhere near remarkable enough to be worth putting ink to paper for.
5. Do you remember school? That’s not a downside.
I keep thinking about the fact that Quidditch games don’t end until the snitch is caught.
Like the games are pretty short in the books but imagine losing a couple days of classes because your flying around trying to find a flying golden walnut.
4. That would definitely ruin your day.
That you could have three 7th year bullies just jump you and turn you into a hairless rat with malaria puking out slugs every 20 seconds.
3. Harry really is kind of a pain in the a**.
Imagine being an 11-year-old excited that you finally got your letter. You’re ready to be placed into your house and learn magic, just like your parents and their parents before them.
You also happen to be the same age as Harry Potter, so instead of getting to mind your own business and enjoy 7 years of school, you keep being put in harm’s way for a kid who doesn’t even know you exist
2. It really isn’t fair.
The fact that it is the only school Voldemort attacks. I bet the other schools had great years.
1. I hope no one gets detention for being late.
All those moving stairs you have to memorize the patterns of movement of.
It probably takes hours for a new kid to get to class because of those stairs.
These are all pretty spot on, if you ask me!
What would you add to this list? Tack it on in the comments!
