There’s a saying that blood is thicker than water, and while that might be true, money has a way of somehow cutting straight through it.
When one person in a family has or comes into money, there can be an expectation that they will share it freely, but is that always the best way to go?
This man won a considerable amount of money playing the lottery, and because he is an only child and has always been close to his extended family – but did not trust himself to be objective about lending them money – he set up a trust that they can access for emergencies.
A trustee is in charge, putting a barrier between OP and any awkward requests/denials.
Two years ago I won a considerable sum in the lottery. Not a scratch off, the real lottery, to the tune of many millions of dollars. My state does not allow anonymity and I have many relatives who are less than financially responsible.
I knew if I didn’t do something I’d spend the rest of my life being badgered, so I set up a trust for my extended family with a good chunk.
I grew up an only child so I’ve been extremely close with my cousins and consider their children my nieces/nephews and them to be the closest thing I’ve had to brothers and sisters, so I don’t want to see them struggle in life if I know I can prevent it without setting myself on fire.
How it works is if family has an emergency, they call the trustee and ask for funds and they assess the need and gives them the money if it meets the terms set in the trust.
So far his family has used it for real emergencies that have been approved, and he’s happy to be able to help out.
It’s to be used in situations like someone being behind in bills, medical debt, unexpected car repairs, etc. it’s to help them get through tough times or major life events, not for vacations or luxury purchases.
Then his cousin “Dale” asked for $75k to buy a new truck.
The request was denied because it didn’t meet the terms of the trust, but OP did approve lending him a down payment and money for the taxes. Dale accepted.
One of my cousins (let’s call him Dale) applied for $75,000 for a brand new loaded pickup truck. He was denied, this was neither an emergency nor was it necessary as he had a perfectly fine vehicle.
They offered $5,000 to help with Down payment and taxes and he accepted and bought the truck. This was 6 months ago.
Now, though, he’s taking advantage by letting his payments get behind, then applying to the trust for money to catch up so he “doesn’t lose his vehicle.”
The Trustee brought to my attention today that Dale has never made a payment of his own for the truck. He waits 2 months until he’s behind, and then applies for help. The first two times they gave him the benefit of the doubt, but now that it’s happened a 3rd, they’re rightfully suspicious.
OP decided to tell Dale he could no longer get assistance for the payments, but that he could get help selling the truck if he can’t afford it.
I told them to advise Dale that he can no longer get assistance for his truck payment and to get him some information on how to return it if he cannot afford it and that we would help, within reason, get him a much cheaper vehicle that he could afford.
Dale didn’t take this well, making a rude post on Facebook about how he couldn’t wait until OP died so he could get those millions without having to go through a “stingy” cousin, etc etc.
Well this morning his sister, Jessie, sent me a screenshot of a post he made on FB basically bashing me, calling me a selfish prick, and ending with stating he can’t wait until I die so he can inherit millions (not sure why he thinks that, most of the money will go to my parents and then the trust, along with a few charities) and dance on my grave.
OP decided to cut Dale off completely, as he wishes OP was dead and is purposefully taking advantage of his kindness.
Some of the family think he’s overreacted, leaving OP to wonder whether or not they might be right.
I have decided to revoke Dale’s access to the trust completely. I don’t feel comfortable subsidizing the lifestyle of someone who is actively hoping for my death. Jessie feels bad now for sharing the post and is asking me to reconsider.
Dale is fuming, and my Aunt has said some choice words leading me to wonder if I’m an AH. Dale’s father agrees with my decision, but many of our family is split. What do you think?
This has never happened before, as everyone else has been cool, so…did he do the right thing?
Dale is the first one to even attempt to take advantage. The others have requested funds during the pandemic to help with necessities like mortgage payments and food, and so far two of my “nieces” were given some money to help with school.
The fact that he tried scamming and taking advantage of something meant to help the whole family hurt worse than the FB post honestly.
Let’s hear Reddit sound off!
The top comment clarifies that OP is in no way a jerk, and outlines how he can distance himself even further from the trust in the future.
Image Credit: Reddit
OP is not wrong to use the money to think of himself and his future as well.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person thinks OP’s family might all need a quick refresher on how and why things are set up the way that they are.
Image Credit: Reddit
The whole family should be upset with Dale, honestly.
Image Credit: Reddit
The word “trust” is vital, here.
Image Credit: Reddit
I think OP sounds like a soft-hearted man who loves his family and whose feelings were hurt when he realized that at least one of them didn’t love him back.
What a jerk.
Leave your own thoughts in the comments!
