Is It Wrong To Take Control Of A Partner's Finances If They Won't Do It Themselves?

If you’re ever wondering whether or not your relationship has any red flags, Reddit is obviously the place to go to hear the hard truth…or to just make yourself feel better about your own situation.

OP has found herself in a weird sort of pickle, as she’s dating a man who completely financially supports what appear to be the excessive spending of his sister.

The sister doesn’t care for OP because OP kicked her out after an issue respecting the apartment.

My boyfriend grew up in a poor family. He makes decent money nowadays, but he is the only one with stable income in his family.

His sister (23) is a leech but he has a blind spot for her. She is irresponsible, totally anti-work (“why waste time working when you have to live your life”) and she despises me for kicking her out a year ago.

During Covid I let her move into my apartment and while my boyfriend and I went camping for a weekend she threw a huge party and trashed my place. Of course my boyfriend took her side but he didn’t have any say in it – it was my apartment.

Nowadays she is straight up rude to me, she’s always saying “can’t wait till he breaks up with you”, she puts his whole family against me.

Apparently my boyfriend still funds everything in her life. She just has his card info and uses it without the limits.

Recently, OP fell pregnant and, since money began to get tight as they prepared for the baby, asked her boyfriend to begin contributing more to the household finances.

Because of the money he allows his sister to use, he had to work overtime to make ends meet – which now means OP is upset about the money and the fact that he is never home.

So I got pregnant and money got tight, I can’t work as much anymore due to my health so I started counting money and it turned out I covered 70% of expenses of our joint life.

I had a talk with my boyfriend and we agreed we will go more 50/50. Turns out to meet the 50% he has to take overtime, he basically lives at work now.

I had to renovate my spare room into a nursery on my own, but my boyfriend gave me his bank info so we can share the expense.

She found herself preparing for the baby on her own, and when she checked his account a couple of different times to see if she could buy some necessities, found it nearly depleted due to his sister’s spendig.

OP froze the card, taking the hold off when she needed to use it.

I couldn’t buy a thing with his card. Logged in into his account and it turns out his little sister spent over 3k on her stuff during one week! Talked about it with my boyfriend, he got annoyed with his sister but told me to hold on a few days till his next paycheck comes (I basically had to pay for everything for that time again).

So the day of his paycheck came and since day one I could see money spent by his sister. I got annoyed and froze his card only to unfreeze it when I needed to pay for some baby things.

When the sister called, upset about being “hungry” and unable to afford food, OP’s boyfriend realized what she had done and was livid about it.

They got into a huge argument in which he took his sister’s side over OP’s (again) and called her selfish and horrible.

My boyfriend didn’t even notice it for a few days till his sister called crying.” She is broke, she can’t afford food, she’s hungry etc.” He told her to just use his card and she said it doesn’t work. He checked his account and saw I froze it. He made a massive argument about it and I told him if I didn’t do it he would run out of money again. I also told him he works all the time so I didn’t have a chance to have a conversation about it and instead of sponsoring the life of a brat he should think about his own kid. I told him I don’t want a husband who leaves me to do everything on my own without any help because he has to work for someone who never worked a day in her life. He told me then he would never be a husband of someone as selfish as I am.

OP is wondering now if she might be selfish and horrible, so she’s wanting an unbiased opinion from Reddit.

I told him if he wants to see my selfish side then I want him to give me back all the money I spent on him, even though he earns more than me, because I would like to go on a shopping spree like his sister does all the time. He called me pathetic and hasn’t spoken to me since. I don’t think I am in the wrong but I might be blindsided, so I would like to hear the opinion of the strangers. AITA?

Reddit, of course, is set to deliver!

The top comment (and many that followed) were fairly judgmental about the pregnancy.