Dad’s decision to put a lock on his daughter’s door causes a family rift
Our home is our sanctuary. It’s the one place where we can truly be ourselves and are guaranteed a right to privacy. At least that’s how it’s supposed to be.
A father on Reddit recently shared his experience of buying his teenage daughter a lock for her bedroom door after visiting relatives kept invading her privacy, and now it’s sparking a conversation on the importance of teenagers and their right to privacy.
A Lack Of Respect (And Privacy)
User OnlyInQuebec9 recently took to Reddit to get some clarity on a situation that’s affected his family. The father explained that his brother-in-law, Sammy, lost his home after getting divorced nearly a year ago. He and his twin 18-year-old daughters Olivia and Sloane moved in with him, his wife, and his 16-year-old daughter Zoey.
“Olivia and Sloane have no respect for Zoey’s privacy, none,” he explained. “They used to walk into her room and take everything they get their hands on. Makeup, phone accessories, clothes, school laptop, etc.”
The Conflict Escalates
The conflict between families reached a boiling point when Zoey had spent a month saving up money in order to splurge on a $60 MAC makeup kit. Sloane then took it without permission and “ruined it” by mixing shades together.
Zoey later found the destroyed makeup kit on her bed and started crying.
Protecting His Daughter
Furious, the father spoke to his wife and she said she’d ask Sloane to apologize. Zoey had previously complained about her cousins’ disrespect, and her father had already warned the girls multiple times, all of which had fallen on deaf ears.
He explained that his wife and Sammy didn’t see a problem, and argued that they’re girls and this is simply typical teenage girls’ behavior. Instead, the father found a more permanent solution to Zoey’s problem.
An Ultimatum
In order to prevent her cousins from bursting unannounced into her bedroom and taking her belongings without permission, the father bought Zoey a lock for her bedroom door.
The decision was not well-received. He explained that his wife shamed him and argued that it was preventing Zoey’s cousins from “spending time” with her and that he was supposed to treat his nieces like his own daughters. The wife demanded that he remove the lock, but he stood his ground and said, “This lock does not get removed [until] her brother and his daughters are out of our house.”
Feuding Families
Much like his wife, the father explained that Sammy and his daughters were very upset when they saw the lock. Sammy claimed that his daughters weren’t thieves and that it’s normal teenage behavior to borrow each other’s stuff, pointing out that Zoey could buy another makeup kit from Walmart for only $15.
He then took things a step further and criticized the father and Zoey for her decision to buy “expensive” and “adult” makeup in the first place. He suggested the father and his wife address the “defect” in Zoey’s personality, later accusing the father of being overprotective and enabling/babying Zoey.
Silent Treatment
The wife warned that this decision would cause a rift in the family. The father countered back and reminded her that he welcomed his brother-in-law and nieces into their home when other family members apparently refused to do the same.
He says, “Everyone’s been giving me and Zoey silent treatment and my wife is very much upset over this.” He then adds, “it’s making Zoey feel like she did something wrong by having a lock for her room.”
“Am I Wrong?”
Overwhelmingly, Reddit found the father to not be at fault for buying a lock for Zoey’s door, and that out of the entire family, he was the only person looking out for his daughter. The thread opened an important discussion on autonomy and the right to privacy—especially for teenagers.
“[Original poster] you are [not the jerk] and you’re being a really good Dad here. When Zoey is an adult and gets to choose what kind of relationship she has with her parents—she’s going to remember her Dad taking her feelings seriously and protecting her,” one user wrote.
Motherly Love
Many users shifted attention to Zoey’s mother and wondered how—out of all people—she isn’t protecting her own daughter.
“This is some relationship-ruining [stuff] because teenagers need privacy and want to know they are safe in their own home,” one user wrote. “OP you need to talk to your daughter and also let her know if her mother says anything that makes her upset she can come to you and trust you. [You’re] the only one she has!”
Rescind The Invitation
Many users shifted their attention and criticized Sammy and his adult daughters for not only stealing from a minor and ignoring her boundaries, but giving Zoey and her father the silent treatment.
They pointed out that instead of being grateful for their generosity, they’ve created a hostile environment and disrespected the family inside their own home. They said that the invitation should be rescinded and that Sammy and his daughters should be kicked out the front door.
Who’s In The Right?
So now that you have all the facts, what do you think? Did the father do right by his daughter despite the rest of the family thinking they were overreacting? Is the mom failing her daughter by not seeing she needs privacy and autonomy in her own home? Or should the dad just spare everyone more drama and kick his brother-in-law and nieces out of his home?
