A guide to holiday gifting with a romantic interest

There are lights on houses, candy canes are abundant, and people are putting trees inside of their homes, which means the holiday season is truly upon us. With the holidays come a lot of things like cookies and spending time with family, but they also often include giving gifts.

When you’re seeing someone new, however, it’s hard to know what to do around gift-giving.

Shouldn’t Gift-Giving Be Fun?

Giving gifts is a way to show how much we love and appreciate the people in our lives with items that show that we know them well and are thinking of them.

Gifts Can Get Complicated Easily

Gifts often come with the notion of reciprocity—when you give someone a gift, there’s often the expectation that they will also return the favor with a gift of similar value.

Gifting Is Easier When You’ve Been Together For A While

It’s different when you’ve been in a relationship with someone for several years and you have already established a mutual understanding about what kind of gifts you’d get each other.

When Something Is New, It’s Hard To Know What To Give Them

It’s hard to know early into a relationship what is a reasonable amount to spend on a gift for them, or if they’re even expecting a gift at all. It can be uncomfortable if you over- or undershoot on the price or get them a gift but they didn’t get you one.

What To Do, Then?

While there are no hard and fast rules on how to give gifts, there are some general practices to follow to make the process as comfortable as possible for both you and them.

Don’t Splurge On Price

If they haven’t gone out of their way to spoil you with things like extravagant dates and gestures, don’t buy them something expensive. It will be awkward if they didn’t get you a similarly extravagant gift.

Don’t Get Him A Gift If You’re Not Exclusive

If you’ve been on a series of dates or have been seeing each other casually without making any clear agreements on commitments, don’t buy them a gift at all. Not only do you risk coming across as more invested than you’ve agreed upon, but also it’s just a bit much.

Don’t Be Too Sentimental

If you’ve been on the internet before, you’ve seen those cute “things I love about you” sentimental gifts that lean into how you really feel about them. If things are fresh between you, those can be a little overwhelming for the recipient who might not be on that emotional level.

I’m Not Saying Gifts Are Off The Table

I don’t want to come across as the Grinch, because there are in fact some times where giving gifts is an absolutely fine idea. These are the ways to gift when you’re in a new relationship.

Get Something That’s An Inside Joke

This is a cheeky way to get someone a cute gift that will be light-hearted and fun without carrying too much emotional weight behind it. Something inexpensive that leans into an inside joke will give you guys something to laugh about.

Make It An Activity You Can Enjoy Together

Rather than getting them an item (which can be hard), instead, consider buying tickets for an event you can attend together. It’s a very casual present that also is partially a gift to yourself, so it’s easy for them to accept.

Get Something Utilitarian

This one is similar to the inside joke and can be thoughtful without being too expensive. For example, if they mention they don’t own mittens in passing, get them a pair.

Keep It Small/Simple

The best practice when buying a gift for someone new in your life is to make it something small and simple so that it doesn’t carry too much weight, financial or emotional, to make them uncomfortable if they don’t reciprocate with a gift of the same value.

The Truly Best Thing To Do Is Ask

When you’re with the new person, rather than trying to guess where they stand on the gift front, just ask candidly if they are interested in exchanging gifts with you.

Set Boundaries/A Price Range With Them

If you do agree to give each other gifts, set a general price range that you’re both comfortable shopping within and set boundaries about your comfort level (e.g., no jewelry, sticking to activities, etc.).

If You’re Not Comfortable Asking Them, It’s Probably A Sign Not To Do It

If you don’t feel comfortable asking your partner if they want to exchange gifts point blank, there’s a high chance that you’re not at that level of intimacy yet—which is totally okay!—and you should forgo gifts this year.

Perhaps, Rather Than Gifts, Spend Time Together

In lieu of getting each other material gifts, perhaps you could agree to spend a designated time together doing an activity, giving your time and an experience to each other to celebrate the holidays.

At The End Of The Day, Gifts Aren’t What It’s All About

Once again, I might risk coming across as the human embodiment of the Grinch, but as nice as gifts are, they don’t matter as much as how you feel about someone, and they’re not a reason to not respect someone’s boundaries. Simply being happy with your partner and vice versa really is enough—you don’t need gifts to prove it.