Does your office even do holiday parties anymore?
A lot of them stopped doing them or stopped serving liquor.
And, if you’re wondering why, all you need to do is scroll through the following 18 recollections of parties gone awry from AskReddit:
1. Hey, Diddle, Diddle…
My coworker basically diddled herself in the middle of my boss’s wedding reception.
In front of most of my boss’s extended family.
Good times.
2. Memories…
Our payroll manager got blackout drunk at a christmas party a few years ago and started insulting people and telling them that they weren’t worth how much they were getting paid (while quoting the actual salaries).
She was fired the next day, but didn’t even remember what she’d done.
3. “Awkward AF”
First year at the company. Married CEO all over an employee pretty much in front of the whole company. Awkward AF. Both really drunk. The fact that they didn’t start making out in front of everyone was a Christmas miracle.
4. Day Tripper
My coworker (who is also my friend before we started working there) trying to have sex with his gf in a river, while the whole company was around, along with their significant others and family.
P.S. this was on a canoe day trip
5. “Not super wild”
There was a co worker who arrived in a giant baby diaper with nothing else on except sneakers. And someone smeared chocolate frosting on his diaper at some point.
Not super wild, but this was a dry party.
6. “White-girl-wasted”
A bunch of people from the office decided to get together and head to a foam party, one of the girls got white-girl-wasted and stripped down to nothing but her panties and danced on one of the tables. Made for an interesting night!
7. Red, Red Wine
When I used to work for a large corporate law firm – a guy and a girl who both worked in the accounts team got in an argument. One thing led to another, and the girl threw her glass of red wine over his white shirt. Without missing a beat he just grabbed her by the throat and started choking her.
This was just off the side of the dance floor, in front of 300+ staff.
8. Never Cool
We had a “Mardi Gras” themed holiday party. One guy decided to bring his saxophone and be a “jazz man”. Normal enough, right?
Well, he also thought that to be a “jazz man,” he needed to show up in blackface.
9. “I was a manager, so I got to see the camera footage…”
I worked at Maccas and we had a work party. Some of the crew volunteered to run the night shift while the rest of us went 10pin bowling and drank scrumpies. I was a manager, so I got to see the camera footage the next day…
It was of me, walking around the restaurant and kitchen with my pants down, shaping my balls to look like a brain and making people look at my taught scrote. There were also brown-eyes and squashed-rats, which is where you press your dick and balls up against the glass. That was me in the drive-through window. I woke up horrified and knew I was in trouble.
There was a small fallout. I miraculously didn’t get fired; no one formally complained. My punishment was to wash car windows as they went through drive thru on my day off and donate the tips to the Ronald McDonald House charity.
10. Keg Stands
Just recently had my office christmas party, the location we went to was BYOB, so a bunch of us went in on a keg.
The head of HR was chanting for keg stands by the end of the night.
11. “No Big Deal”
Coworker and his wife show up to our black tie xmas party and she is wearing a slutty santa’s helper outfit. Not a huge deal, but then she proceeded to get hammered drunk, flashed all of us lucky enough to be at her table, and then took pics of her ass and tits in the photobooth at the back of the room.
I guess she didn’t realize or care that we could all see on the screen what she was doing in there. The whole time the husband was just laughing and acting like it was no big deal.
12. Turkeys
Thanksgiving at my shop, we all drew hand turkeys on the white board.
13. “The management didn’t last, but I did.”
I joined a company and was hired by the new boss. Most of the tenured employees were against new boss and his new-hires. Every conversation was dependent on who was present and how private it was: bad environment.
Cue the team-builder! The majority of the team had worked together for a while and partied hard; the new people, including management, had no idea how bad of an idea a bar setting was.
We all got a meal and two drinks on the company’s dime. People were asking right away if they could trade their meal for more booze. After the budget was spent, you could see the managers trying to be fun and participate and just accept that it was a shitshow in the making. They excused themselves and left.
I was new and didn’t wanna ride the sinking ship, but I stayed for a while. The crew was great and fun. They obviously had a work relationship, and the bar setting brought out the intimacies that never had an opportunity to blossom completely.Two people ended up hooking up, a bunch of people smoked weed in a car and the crazy thing was a girl showed her fake tits to everyone at the bar.
There was a stronger bond after that. The management didn’t last, but I did. Better management came in after that and cleaned house, but that team-builder was the most ridiculous work thing I’ve ever been to.
14. “Beer! Strippers at someone’s house! Crazy!”
When I was in my early 20s, I was working at a restaurant with the world’s nicest and most innocent group of guys. One weekend, we threw a bachelor party for one of the waiters who was marrying his HS sweetheart.
Beer! Strippers at someone’s house! Crazy!
We all hooted and hollered when the strippers tore off their clothes and walked around the room to each guy. We whistled and giggled when the bachelor got a personal show with whip cream. Good times!
As the girls were ending the show, they asked if anyone had any requests before they packed up. One of the cooks, who was at least 20 years older than most of us, walked over and had a serious, five-minute conversation with the girls. He then turned to us and said that we all had to cough up $300 if we wanted to see something special. Without hesitation, we handed the money to the girls and sat back in anticipation for what was sure to be a lovely show!
He laid down on the floor and both girls pissed and shit on him for the next five minutes. Guys were gagging. The bachelor started crying. I screamed in terror. One guy walked over to them and yelled, “Why, Why, Why???” It was if the devil himself, in mere seconds, had snatched the innocent souls of 15 naive idiots.
The show ended in silence. The girls freshened up and left with their “ride”. The cook slid on his jacket over his soiled clothes, walked out into the cold night and never returned for his shifts.
15. “I was thoroughly enraged.”
CEO slapped my ass in front of my boyfriend and kissed a coworker in front of her husband.
His slapping my ass was not invited, and I was thoroughly enraged. I don’t know about his kissing my coworker though.
Photo Credit: Pixabay/CC0
16. Literally NSFW
At our Christmas party recently I put a coworker on my shoulders and carried him along so he could attach some tinsel to the beams in the roof.
That was pretty unsafe; someone did offer a ladder halfway through, but we were already on a roll
17. “Lets just say I sobered up real quick.”
Just recently went to my girlfriend’s vet office xmas party at the owner’s very nice house. The party is known for everyone getting extremely wasted.
I’m driving so i stayed relatively sober, my gf on the other hand did not. She was already quite tipsy off of all kinds of mixed drinks. I head to the bathroom down the hall for 5 min, come back to realize she had taken 3 shots (2 is her total drinking limit). Fast forward about 10 minutes and she’s absolutely sloshed.
She requests to go to the bathroom and starts asking everyone the quickest way to get there like we’re about to go on a road trip or something. I escort her carefully and let her do the business. While waiting i got caught up talking to a bunch of coworkers and kinda forgot she was in the bathroom.
About 15 min later she comes rushing out saying we have to leave because she does NOT feel good. I inform everyone we are going to head out when i hear someone yell, “Oh Fuck” from the bathroom hall.
Turns out in that 15 min, my girlfriend managed to completely break the toilet in half causing the plumbing pipe from the wall to explode as well which started flooding the room. As an added bonus she decided to start throwing up at the front door as well.
Lets just say i sobered up real quick.
Anyways, the folks were super supportive of it, even though they had to replace the flooring plumbing, and the toilet. Didn’t even make her pay anything. The owner also posted pictures on facebook of his broken toilet and said it was the best party they’ve had in awhile.
18. Good Plan
My Christmas party is on Friday.
Guess I should just stick to beer…
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