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Being a flight attendant is a unique job that combines the excitement of meeting people and germs from around the world, and then catching those people and germs boning in the bathroom.
On Reddit, flight attendants (and a few passengers) shared stories of witnessing horny couples perform the ritual necessary to join the Mile High Club, and how that actually goes down in real life.
Here are nine of stories of times passengers decided to “drink an in-flight cocktail.” Also, if reading these stories puts you in the mood to screw at 30,000 feet, there are a few tips and tricks along the way to help you get away with it.
1. Kzzinn is a flight attendant with some hot tips for your hot tips.
Flight attendant here.
Ok so yes, 95% the time it’s very obvious (I mean come on, sex in a public plane?!). On large commercial planes it can go unnoticed, but as soon as people take their time in the toilets it can become a security hazard so we then watch out for those people and it soon becomes obvious what they’ve been up to 😉
2. StarbuckPirate has this probably true story about how witnessing air head changed his life.
Holy fucking shit I can add something. On a flight years and years ago. Had to take a leak (few beers because that’s what I do when I’m living). I open the bathroom door and find…
A woman swallowing her boyfriend/husband as he sits on the toilet. Her entire lower body is up on the sink and she is inverted mouth-banging this dude like one of those oil derricks in Bakersfield. You know the kind you see just after passing Cholame where James Dean crashed? Yeah, thats her, in this short and tight red dress gobbling her man.
My eyes go wide. Yes, she is hot. Yes, they see me. He says, “Oh man, so sorry!” And as I reach for the door handle his girlfriend keeps gobbling and winks at me. Holy shit.
Any way I take a piss in the next empty stall and I can still hear them banging on the plane’s toilet wall. I finish up and go back to my seat.
About 10 minutes later this girl walks up the aisle and asks if she can sit next to me (empty seat in a three-seat row, remember those times?). Turns out it was oil derrick’s sister. This girl sits right next to me in am empty seat. We get to talking. Apparently her sister and her boyfriend were embarrassed, and asked this girl to apologize to me.
She did apologize. I did not fuck this girl on the plane. I did, however, get her phone number. Turns out she also lived in L.A. We went out about two days later and had OLYMPIC sex on the first date.
And that’s how I met my first wife.
3. Appropriately named beef_stewardess warns that if you do want to join the MHC, beware of “salty ass old senior mamas.”
Regional FA here. People sneaking discreetly into the lav happens every now and then, I wouldn’t say it’s a weekly event, or even monthly, but really just every so often. It’s pretty obvious when people disappear one at a time… You see two empty seats where a flirty couple was sitting, and an occupied lav, and assume the guy isn’t in there with the girl to help her through a bout of motion sickness.
I generally don’t care enough to do anything about it as long as they’re discreet and don’t stay in there for a year. If you’re going to do it, make it snappy. Other people need to pee. I’ve had people ask me if they could go to the lav together… I just tell them no because I don’t want to be implicated in any of that. I think you can get into far more trouble fooling around in your seat area. Don’t bother putting a blanket down to hide the handy or finger blasting in progress, we can tell. If you get a salty ass old senior mama she’ll probably call the pilots and have LE meet the plane to bust you for indecent exposure.
Planes are nasty though. I don’t want to join the MHC, though I do understand the mystique for people who aren’t on planes all the time. Just keep in mind that all the surfaces in the lav are cleaned dubiously at best, and the smell from the blue goo can be pretty aggressive.
4. Kh3lid is a passenger who nearly joined the 3 mile high club.
Not a FA, but a passenger. Was once flying from Copenhagen to JFK. I have a tendency that when i take a long haul flight to not sleep the day before, and then just sleep on the whole duration of the flight. So I’m ended up sitting with those two flirting couple, me on the aisle seat, and them in the window and middle. I pull out my earplugs and sleeping mask, and proceed to just go to sleep.
After couple of hours i feel something bumping into me. At first ignore it, but then it just keep going on. I lift my sleep mask to see whats going on. Lo and behold, they actually are doing it right there next to me discreetly under the blanket. They kinda froze and stopped when they realised i was up. Just stared at me giggling thinking i was half asleep, which i wasn’t. Just proceeded to go back to sleep, and they continued. Think that was the closest to a threesome i have participated in as well lol.
5. lifesnotperfect is a flight attendants who learned the importance of a well-timed compliment.
The one experience I’ll probably never forget is on a flight from Australia to Vietnam, a young couple were very frisky with one another since the beginning of the trip. Turns out it was their honey moon trip.
Well some of the flight attendants decided to give the newly weds a banquet full of goodies that we all put together. We included goods that are usually reserved for the flight staff (pre-packed cakes, beers, junk food and other sundries).
Anyway, Debbie goes down to their row with this nice basket with all the goods in it, and we’re all watching from the flight attendant service/wait area, big smiles on our faces.
She reaches their row (at the far end, pretty much at the back), she turns to them, jumps, says something to them, bows a couple of times and walks briskly back towards the rest of us.
Turns out the Mrs was giving the Mr a nice job of blows. We all teared up from having to hold our laughter in so hard, and asked her what her reaction said. Good ole Deb said her brain short circuited and all she managed to say was “Oh! Lovely penis, sir. This is a gift on behalf of the staff for you and your wife, thanksbyeee.”
6. Lalalalaloops confesses she reflects on your Mile high moment regularly.
I can generally tell because the pokerfaced man will exit first to check to see if the coast is clear, followed by a giggly woman. I think about them when I am alone in my hotel room and masturbate in shame while crying.
7. milehighthrowayyyy describes a touching story of a woman going at it “like a pelican with a flounder stuck in its neck.”
Pilot here, 180 seater aircraft, short to medium haul.
Ive only had a couple of occasions where they have been caught:
New girl cabin crew (20 yrs) saw a couple going in, gave a knock, no response, so she opened it from the outside (all doors can be unlocked from the outside, so be warned!) To her shock is a young man who resembled Edgar Prado getting stuffed by a man who could have easily snuck his way into the Russians female weightlifting team.
The other time was a risky couple who decided she would just give oral right there, in their seats. Now that might be legit on a night time long haul flight. This was middle of the day. In summer. 2 hour flight to Greece. Full aircraft. It was the passengers who alerted the staff to the mans dog roll being guzzled by this girl, going at it like a pelican with a flounder stuck in its neck. They were met by security on arrival, who then escorted them off. Not sure what the result was. Being Greeks, they probably patted her on the back and sent them on their merry way.
2 occasions in 5 years of this type of flying. Either it doesn’t happen much, or there are some ninja mother fucking fuckers out there.
This article was first published by our partners at Someecards
