I don’t know if this has been your experience, but when I was in college and in the years right after I graduated, I thought that I’d always have a big group of friends around and there would never be a shortage of friends to hang out with.
Boy, was I wrong.
Not that I’m mad about it, things just change. People get married, have kids, move away, etc. And it can be hard to make plans with friends even a month in advance sometimes because everyone is so busy.
Throw in the fact that you don’t drink and it can be really hard to meet new people as you get older.
So what are some good ways to do it?
AskReddit users shared their thoughts.
1. Nerds unite!
“Dungeon and dragons!
The first couple of times bring some goodies, if you want to grease the wheels.
Best way to find friends, went from two to twenty in a couple of months.”
2. Looking forward to it.
“I met a ton of friends in VR Chat.
Joined a couple discords and now there’s events every night to go to.
It doesn’t exactly get me out of the house but it gives me social interaction to look forward to every night.”
3. You’ll make friends this way.
“Work on solving a problem in your community wether it’s your building, neighborhood or society, and request the help of people to do so.
From an evolutionary standpoint, that’s the whole point of our ability to make friends anyway.”
4. Check the app.
“Nextdoor.com is a great way to meet people in your area.
And to see the hot gossip in the neighborhood about who’s leaving dog p**p in the yard.”
5. Fun activities.
“You do activities that you find fun or interesting. Be it to take a dance course, building model trains or training related.
Then you talk to the people you meet there. Group based stuff such as courses or “try-it” sessions can be helpful if you are not comfortable starting conversations with strangers.
A course will offer natural points to initiate conversation. It is also likely that these people also enjoy the activity in question, which offers you some common ground.”
6. Hit the links.
“Here’s a specific one: golf.
If you golf, you can go to a golf course, and they will match you up with 1-3 other people. You will then spend the next 4 hours in a mutually enjoyed hobby, plenty to talk about as you already have golf in common.
People who have anxiety when in a group and asked to ‘pair up’ or ‘form teams’ will especially appreciate this, as the golf course picks the teams for you. You can go every day for a week, and meet 10-20 people.”
7. Take a class.
“School.
If you have the time to fit it into your schedule, take a course of some kind.
Not only do you broaden your horizons, knowledge, and skills, it’s someplace that is filled with other people.”
8. Gotta be brave.
“I’ve learned you have to be brave.
You have to accept that some people are just going to think you’re an utter moron for the things you like, cherish, and think are adorable or clever, and you have to share them anyway. The people that get just as happy about what you’re sharing with them are the people you want to be friends with.
There may not be a lot of them, but there’s no point in trying to be friends with people that just don’t get you.”
9. Focus on work.
“My advice to people in this situation in their 20s is to throw yourself into your work. In your 30s your career will have advanced and people will chill out with the partying.
At that point, you will be socializing with people who did the same. The nondrinker and moderate drinker crowd at least doubles at that point.
Meanwhile, while all the cool kids who worked as bartenders, DJ’s, influencers, etc… are starting to lowkey panic because they are still renting with no savings and know they are on the verge of getting pushed out of their jobs for the new kids on the block.
You can still keep trying to make friends doing activities but just know that it does get better later.”
10. No politics, please.
“I’ve been to a bar once in my life, it was not my thing.
I’m into reading, writing, MMA, D&D, comics, games, guns, & LEGO, and apparently I have a great sense of humor, so making friends isn’t hard for me because my hobbies are wide-ranging.
It helps that I’m a ‘listener’, and I can find something interesting in whatever someone wants to talk about.
The main thing you have to do is NOT talk about politics. People that center their lives on that are insufferable.”
11. Break the ice.
“Find people with shared hobbies.
Video games, art, yoga, literally whatever. Bond over that, have any initial hangouts centered around said hobby.
That should help “break the ice” and make it easier to talk to them and get to know them so you can become friends.”
12. Good idea.
“Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
All you need. It solves a lot of problems everyone has as an adult:
You meet a lot of people. Whether in your own club, competitions, BJJ camps. Any relatively big city should have a BJJ gym, so you can meet people anywhere.
It keeps you fit. Each training session involves sparring and it is similar to a HIIT workout (although you still see lots of examples of typical dad bod veterans who will destroy you).
You join a community which you can be a part of for life. It’s like a church with traditions, but where everyone is trying to choke each other in stylish pajamas.
It’s great for the mind. BJJ gives you confidence, but at the same time it is a good ego-killer, and it seriously teaches discipline, consistency, comradery, and for some, it’s also a good outlet 2-3x times a week.
You learn some actual self-defense. Jiu-Jitsu is one of the main martial arts in MMA. It revolves around grappling and taking people to the ground, where striking becomes way less effective. Of course, it’s not going to save your a** from a group fight or someone with a knife, but it helps.
It gives you something to strive for, for a very long time / for life. A black belt takes 10+ years. And even if you get it, there is still an almost limitless amount of things you can still learn (and teach!).”
Do you have any ideas in this department?
If so, please share them with us in the comments.
We’d love to hear from you!
