Most of us are kind at heart, and since humans are largely tribal by nature, we have an instinct to care for people when they need it them most.
Which is why a majority of us would let a friend stay with us for a bit if they were having a hard time – but what if they outstay their welcome? Is there a nice way to give them the boot?
That’s what OP is wondering after her boyfriend’s friend has been staying with them for awhile, because things have gotten completely unbearable for her.
So My (f22) boyfriend (24) has this friend (f25) who moved in 4 months because she had nowhere to go. Now I didn’t mind having her as long as she respects our boundaries and the rules around the house but that’s definitely not it.
OP has several complaints but as a bottom line, the “friend” has no boundaries, respects no boundaries, and definitely seems to have a thing for OP’s boyfriend to boot.
She is very loud, comments on everything and just does inappropriate stuff in general and excuses it for being a Latina and that’s just how they are.
She doesn’t help at all besides maybe cooking sometimes but doesn’t clean up the mess she makes and she invites people over whenever she wants.
She changes in the living room in front of us (literally took off her underwear) and i asked her to change in her room but her excuse is that she was trying to feel like home and then she suggested i should too as it will strengthen my bond with my bf.
I talked to my bf about how im kinda uncomfortable with this whole situation and he told me not to overthink about it and that she’s just very unbotherd and cool.
She always interrupted our time together and would sit BETWEEN me and him during a movie or take my space while I take a toilet break and she cuddles him in the most unfriendly way and when I asked jokingly if she was trying to take my man she would excuse it on her ethnicity and that’s how they grew up so I knew I had to ruin this Friday night they had for them.
OP decided to put things to the test, and when the “friend” behaved just as she anticipated, she pulled her boyfriend into the other room for a chat.
I went up to them and she was all over him as usual, I called my bf and when he was about to get up she said how it was their favorite part and that he could leave later.
With the “friend” banging on the door, OP said she could not take it anymore and the girl had to move out.
I insisted but she kept pulling him so I went and pulled him to our room, discussed how what she’s doing is really upsetting and I no longer want her living with us and he agreed I had the right but that she has no where to go and that i’ll have to wait until she finds a job which she’s not even trying to get, while talking she came and tried to open the door which was locked.
she started knocking and we just ignored her until it got louder and he asked her to leave but she got even louder and then started saying how i ruined the only time they’re she gets with him (which obviously is not the case)
Boyfriend said fine, but he wanted to break the news to her himself. He did, but OP overhead the “friend” insisting they kick her out instead (even though it is her house).
I had enough at that point but my bf suggested he talks to her first so he went and they took too long like almost 2 hours and I went to check on them and heard her telling him he shouldn’t accept someone who ruins a friendship as a partner and that is a big red flag and that he should kick me out.
But this place is actually my property that I inherited from my aunt and at that point I knew I had to kick her out.
She had enough and gave the “friend” two weeks to find a new place and get out.
Her boyfriend is upset, the “friend” is crying and refusing to eat, and OP is wondering if somehow she’s the one in the wrong.
I didn’t even ask with what conclusion they came up with and waited in the living room until they came out and I just told her to look for another place and gave her 2 weeks max.
She’s been crying since yesterday, refusing to eat and not coming out of the room and my boyfriend is saying I went overboard and I just hit a sensitive spot of hers, basically telling her to leave when she has no family or anywhere to go. So AITA?
Reddit, I think, will have some wise words on this one.
They say OP is not in the wrong, but she has a bigger problem than this unwanted roommate…
Image Credit: Reddit
Most people also said they wouldn’t have given her two hours to get out, never mind two weeks.
Image Credit: Reddit
Her boyfriend definitely doesn’t seem like he’s on the right team here.
Image Credit: Reddit
They think it’s pretty obvious the boyfriend is trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Image Credit: Reddit
For most, this is really cut and dried.
Image Credit: Reddit
OP did provide this update, so it sounds as if she’ll be listening to Reddit and taking their advice to get rid of the pair of them in a two-for-one deal!
Thank you everyone for the advice and helping me open an eye on the real issue, It was past midnight when i posted that and my life literally took a 180° in less than 24 hours. It has been overwhelming and i didn’t expect this would reach many people. The comments were like a slap in the face I really needed, Apparently i was too blind. Yeah i guess my boyfriend isn’t who i thought he was.
He has been trying to give her food, try to calm her down and literally took a day off from college and work (he goes on Sunday’s too) which he NEVER did for me and he never even get days off from his classes unless really necessary with proof (nursing) idk how he managed to get a day off. I really wanted to make sure it is what it looks like before deciding my next move.
I prepared lunch way before time and asked him if he was around for lunch and his response? “im trying to get her to have breakfast and you’re talking about lunch, you’re becoming unrecognizable” Yea i didn’t know what to reply so just asked again but he said we can have lunch together if she’s willing to join us as it is rude if we eat without her.
At this point i felt like s*%t tbh and asked him why was she so important that he canceled all his plans just to support her emotionally which he never did when i went through things myself but he just left like that.
I invited my guy friend over which he doesn’t like and i explained to him our situation and just asked him to be comfortable. I didn’t want to do the cuddling stuff like them because we didn’t break up yet at that point and it was weird anyways because we don’t usually.
My boyfriend never realized someone was over until he came to take food and he saw us having lunch together and he just gave me a look, said Hi and was going to take some for themselves until he realized it was a creamy rice casserole (which his friend doesn’t like and yeah i did that on purpose) and chicken roast with some sides and he literally glared at me and said you know she doesn’t eat that and i just replied “well it’s not her who i made this for” then he threw the plate, started shouting asking what the f**k was wrong with me and that he wishes he never dated me.
It was so scary my friend got involved they got aggressive and i just asked him to leave with his other girlfriend which he replied with “oh so you’re replacing me that fast” but i told him he was the one who has replaced me a long time ago but i was too dumb to realize. He actually moved in fully when his friend came and colleges here do provide dorms but of course it’s not like she can live with him and i couldn’t care less anymore.
Also no legal action is required for someone you haven’t signed papers with where i live. They were just guests. I packed his things for him which aren’t alot and left it by the front door. He came crying and apologizing and acknowledging what he did was wrong and just other bullshit i didn’t want to hear because the damage was already done.
My friend was of great support and he dealt with everything else as i cried my eyes out in my room.
And that sums up how i went through my first heartbreak and it was my first relationship and i did love him but i guess i can watch, eat and do anything now without catering to anyone’s needs. Im changing the locks tomorrow morning and we’re ordering fried chicken (apparently a proven heartbreak remedy by my friend).
And although her excuse was bringing up her race, i know better than that. Thank you all for the support~~.
I definitely think she made the right call, but what a slap in the face.
If you were her friend, would you have seen this coming? Tell us down in the comments what red flags you never miss!
