There are more than a few things that couples need to discuss and work through when they’re talking about marrying their lives together, for better or for worse.
One of those conversations revolves around future children, and in this case, OP thought he and his fiancee were clear on what last name they would be given.
For background, his fiancee has not had a relationship with her father since she was a toddler, and has always said she can’t wait to change her name legally.
For OP’s part, it’s important to him to pass down his surname to children, a fact he has shared with her on more than one occasion.
My fiancé (27F) and I (30M) are getting married next year. I’ve pretty much let her run the show when it comes to the wedding and reception.
Her last name is from her biological father who left when she was 2. Her mother remarried and she’s said for years that she can’t wait to get married to change it. For 6 years I’ve heard about what a piece of garbage this guy is.
I am the last male to carry my name. There are only 4 people with the name. So it’s always been important to me to pass it on to my children.
He shares several examples of how he has let her have her way when it comes to big life decisions. He’s easygoing, except about this one important thing.
She wants to get married in a Catholic church. I’m not Catholic but it means a lot to her, so I’m in the process of converting.
She wanted to be close to her mom and sister, so I left a job I loved, found a new job, and we moved 4 hours away from my family to be closer to them.
Her sister is a recovering alcoholic, so we don’t keep liquor in our apartment despite that I like to have a beer after work. I’ve made many changes to accommodate her.
She’s acknowledged it and I always respond that all I care about it passing my name on, and she responds with the number of days until our wedding.
Since they moved to be closer to her family, her dad has expressed a desire to be a part of her life. They’ve been spending time together, she’s ready to forgive him, and he’s even planning to walk her down the aisle.
OP doesn’t agree with the whole thing, but he can see it’s important to her.
Shortly after we arrived, biodad contacted her out of the blue. He heard from relatives she was getting married and decided it was the perfect time to reconnect. All of the sudden, I now hear what a wonderful guy Paul is, how hard he’s trying, and how wonderful it is that he’s back.
Often, I get home from work and she’s gone, only to arrive home past midnight after being out with Paul and her half siblings. I hate that I don’t see her as much, but I know how much it means to her to have a relationship with him.
At the same time, after years of hearing her trash him, I’m not even allowed to think bad thoughts about him. She’s planning on having him walk her down the aisle, which I don’t think is appropriate, but it’s her decision.
Then she comes home and says that not only will she be keeping her father’s name, she wants to also give it to their firstborn son.
This weekend was the bombshell. She told me that her father brought up the importance of their name, that she’s decided to keep it. This stung very badly. I replied that it was her choice, I just wanted to pass my name down.
She smiled uncomfortably and informed me that she wanted the first boy to carry her name because it would mean so much to daddy.
He told her no way, no how and finally kind of lost his cool with her, asking whether she was starting a life with him or her father.
Now a few people are suggesting that he went too far.
I told her that is not happening. She suggested that we hyphenate as a compromise. I told her that there was no negotiation. That I had one thing that was important to me, I’d moved heaven and earth to give her what she needed in everything else but I wouldn’t budge an inch on this.
She told me I was being unreasonable. I responded that I’ve been in her life longer than he has and asked her who it was she was trying to start a life with, me or him? She started crying and accused me of being jealous of her relationship with her father.
My parents and her Mom and stepdad agree with me and think she’s allowing Paul to influence her, her sister thinks I was an ass for asking that question and refusing to compromise.
What does Reddit say? Let’s dive into the comments below!
The top comment says not only is OP not wrong, but his fiancee is acting totally weird.
Image Credit: Reddit
Unfortunately, until she confronts her daddy issues, this argument will likely be recurring.
Image Credit: Reddit
It’s too often the same old story.
Image Credit: Reddit
The fiancee definitely needs some professional support.
Image Credit: Reddit
This isn’t the first person to suggest they postpone the wedding until they can figure this out.
Image Credit: Reddit
There are so many red flags here, I feel like.
What would you tell him, if he was your friend? Let us know in the comments!
