Owner Tries To Be Feisty With a Contractor, Ends Up Begging For His Return

Construction contractors do important work. They deal with architects, designers, and other professionals to make sure a building, residence, or industrial space is built correctly. Unfortunately, not everyone values what they do.

Enter the fertile world of storytelling that is Reddit, which often serves as a gold mine for people who want to share horror stories about ego-tripping bosses.

One Redditor did an “as told” thread that garnered so much interest, there were several updates and even a separate thread.

The long and the short of it is that a contractor in the UK had to work for someone difficult, but the client was such tough to work with, they couldn’t continue. Wanting to spare others in the industry, he warned other contractor companies about this person’s behavior. Suddenly, no one wanted to work with this client.

This resulted in some epic karmic justice.

Firstly this didn’t happen to me. I was with the person when they received a phone call about this issue. Then he explained it all to me. He’s not on Reddit so I’m sharing it. It’s priceless.

All names changed to protect personal and company identities

Listed buildings – Important to the story. In the UK there is a system for preserving ancient and important buildings. If a building has historical importance it is known as a “Listed building” and the rules about how it’s developed/maintained/improved are VERY strict.

I need to be vague about the work involved otherwise it’s too easy to identify the parties involved.

My friend David is skilled in a very niche area of construction. He repairs and renovates buildings using a very old construction method that hasn’t been common for several centuries. All his work is on conservation projects and “listed buildings”.

Work was required on a Grade 1 listed property.

The overall building work was being done my the main contractor ACC Ltd. One part of the work is VERY specialized.

The contractors managers didn’t know anyone who did it so the architect gave them a list of qualified people. The contractors chose my friend because he had the earliest availability.

5 days into the work the owner of ACC Ltd, the main contractor company, arrived on site. He was throwing his weight around and being a “noisy gobshite” (David’s words). David was just doing his job and ignored him.

Noisy gobshite told one of his carpenters to get him a coffee. The carpenter disappeared. Noisy gobshite continued wandering and “gobbing off” about delays “costing him a fortune”.

15 minutes after the carpenter had disappeared the Noisy Gobshite asked my friend a question.

Noisy Gobshite : “Where is that f**king chippy with my coffee?” (Chippy=carpenter)

David: “Don’t know”

Noisy Gobshite: “Go and find out”

David: “I’m only here for this job (pointing to the walls) I don’t work for ACC Ltd”

Noisy Gobshite: “I don’t give f**k whether you’re an employee or a subcontractor, you still work for me. Now go and find my f**king coffee”

David: “Firstly, I don’t appreciate being talked to like that and secondly, my contract with you is to do these walls, nothing more. I’m definitely not a gopher”

Noisy Gobshite : “Oh, you don’t appreciate being talked to like that, do you? Which subcontractor do you work for?”

David: “None. I’m self employed. It’s just me”

Noisy Gobshite : “A f**king day labourer? And you’ve got the nerve to talk to like that? Do you know who I am?”

David: “Yep”

Noisy Gobshite : “Well you’re f**king fired. Get off the f**king site NOW!”

David: “Ok, put it in writing”

Noisy Gobshite : “F**k off. Just get off the f**king site”

David pulled his phone out and started recording.

David: “Ok, I’ll go. I just want proof you told me to go”

Noisy Gobshite grabbed David’s hand holding the phone and screamed into the phone

Noisy Gobshite : “GET OFF THE SITE YOU F**KING IDIOT. YOU’RE FIRED. IF YOU’RE STILL HERE IN 10 F**KING MINUTES I’LL HAVE YOU F**KING THROWN OUT”

David: “Cool, no problem”

He picked up all his kit and walked away. As he was leaving the contractors site manager passed him (ironically with a coffee for the boss) and with a smile said.

Site Manager: “You leaving early Dave? Bloody part-timers(joking)”

David: “No, your boss just fired me. Our contract is ended. Sorry mate”

Site Manager: “Noooo. Noo, no. Let me sort this out. Wait, please. Please,wait.”

David left.

The Site Manager was losing his s**t because he knew something that Noisy Gobshite didn’t. Only 7 people in the UK are qualified to do the work. They all have a waiting list and David had been the only one available.

By the time he was home he had 12 missed calls.

That was Thursday. 2 working days missed so far. He said he’ll go back but only if he gets paid for the extra days and has a genuine apology in person from the boss.

I met my friend when he was getting a call from the Site Manager saying the boss apologises but is “out of the country” so can’t apologise f2f.

David also told me he phoned the other specialists to warn them but they’d all been phoned on Friday begging them to do the job. Nobody took the work. They’re all booked solid.

David also phoned the architect to warn him. Situations like this some unscrupulous contractors try to bodge the job and fake the work.

David is going to stick to his guns. Pay for all missed days plus f2f apology. He is sure he’ll get it. I’ve said I’ll pay anything to watch the f2f apology.

And… then there’s an update…

Update
Site Manager phoned to say he was told by Noisy Gobshite to threaten legal action if David doesn’t finish the job. Site Manager was very embarrassed and apologetic. David reminded him he didn’t leave and has proof that he was fired.

Site Manager phoned again to say Noisy Gobshite will apologise f2f on Friday. Can David start tomorrow? David said no. Following the threat of legal action the conditions are different.

f2f apology before work restarts.

Added pay for wasted days.

Payment of full contract value upfront before work starts.

All must happen by Thursday.
That’s the last day he can start and still expect to finish before his next booking. If he also works the weekends he has just enough time.

I asked him why he isn’t charging a huge extra amount for the guy being such a wanker. He said it doesn’t look good if you take advantage of companies when they’re under time pressure. “Not the done thing”.
It seems that one of my friends is an eighteenth century gentleman.

Correction

I misunderstood David when he said only seven others do this work. He meant seven other businesses apart from his. They’re small businesses so he says it’s probably about 20 people who can do it. Still a small number but not as comically small as seven. Sorry for misleading you all about the number.

Would you believe there’s another Update?

You do? Well good… because there are TEN.

UPDATE TWO

Unfortunately it seems there will be no apology. David has discovered that the Site Manager was blamed for “not making Noisy Gobshite aware of the situation beforehand” and was fired.

David contacted the operations director for ACC Ltd (Noisy Gobshite’s number two) and informed them that an apology is no longer required as he will not be returning to the job. The Ops Director apologised for everything and offered to renegotiate the money “very generously”. David told him that he had only considered going back to the job as a personal favour to the original Site Manager. Since he isn’t there he feels no obligation to return. Ops Director said he will get back to David but didn’t say why.

I asked why he didn’t say “give him his job back or I won’t come back”. David said “Noisy Gobshite is too petty and weak to be told what to do by a craftsman. It will have to be the company’s idea for the Site Manager to come back. If I tell them to bring him back it won’t happen”. David says the Site Manager is great at his job but is only 4 years from retirement so it’s not easy to find a job at 61.

I’ve decided I like David even more than I did 3 days ago.

UPDATE THREE

It’s 2am here. We’ve just got back from the pub. David got a call while we were out from the sacked Site Manager. David updated the Architect on the situation this afternoon. The Architect contacted the sacked Site Manager to tell him about a company who need a Site Manager.

The sacked Site Manager phoned David just before 9pm. I had to sit through the phone call, only hearing one side. I must have looked childishly excited like I’d got an arseful of sparrows. Then David filled me in. The site manager rang to thank him and to find out his favourite drink so he can send him a bottle. He hasn’t got the new job yet but he is seeing them on Friday. Apparently, the Architect’s recommendation carries some weight so he’s optimistic.

David refused at first. “I didn’t get you a job, the Architect did”. The site manager said “but you set all this s**t in motion and told the Architect that I’d been fired. Because of you, I never need to deal with that obnoxious pillock ever again”. David wasn’t specific about who the obnoxious pillock was. We’ll have to guess.

David said his drink is Cardhu Gold Reserve. He said he will accept a bottle only if (a) the Site Manager gets the new job and (b) if the Site Manager will come over and drink the Cardhu with David.

It looks like the handsome scribe who did the enormously difficult time-consuming job of skilfully writing this saga down on Reddit isn’t included in the whisky consumption. As David poetically put it: “piss off knobhead, you can buy your own f**king drink”.

All good news (hopefully) except that nobody gets to see that tosspot, Noisy Gobshite, eat s**t when he has to apologise. I was so looking forward to that.

Additional information
David and the fired Site Manager know each other outside of work. Each are members of charity organisations in the same town. Two different groups but they work together a lot. Site Manager is in “Rotary Club” and David is in “Round Table”. I don’t think he’s a knight but you never know.

UPDATE FOUR

Operations Director for ACC Ltd phoned David to suggest that they take the Site Manager back and generously renegotiate the money. David says they’ve “missed the boat”. There is no way he can finish the job on his own before he starts his next job. There is an absolute minimum of 11 days work left if everything goes without a hitch. David’s next job starts 4th November. Only 10 days left if he works both weekends. Too late. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when Noisy Gobshite is told.

The Most Common Question

Many are asking what David does. If I said what it was it’s so identifying that I might as well give you his real name and his address. Sorry.

The reason there are very few of them is it takes 5 years to become just competent and at least 9 years to be a master craftsman. The jobs need at least one master present when the work is done.

UPDATE FIVE

Bad news. The fired Site Manager didn’t get the other job. He met the new company but they’re not taking him on. The reasons aren’t clear. David is meeting him on Sunday to discuss it. I can tell David feels like s**t about it even though it’s not his fault. Site Manager says he’s going to take action for unfair dismissal. I thought this was going to be win-win-win but I suppose life isn’t like that.

UPDATE SIX

News about the sacked Site Manager. The situation isn’t as bad as we first thought. I think we misunderstood what happened on Friday. David talked to him yesterday. The company he saw on Friday are not employing him in the normal way, that part was correct. But they have offered him a fixed term contract for 18 months on a distribution centre build. It’s not perfect but on the bright side it’s slightly better paid than ACC. It’s only 18 months but that’s better than nothing. There is also the chance that the new company might extend the contract if another project comes in.

UPDATE SEVEN

David has heard that they’re getting a Bulgarian to come over to do the job. David was grinning when he told me. He thinks he knows what will happen. There is a similar but different technique that was used on some 19th century buildings in Sofia. David thinks that the guy will use that technique. It looks similar but two very important materials are different.

David has decided to wait. He plans to let the Bulgarian finish the job and get paid. Then David is going to suggest to the planning department and the client that they check the two components. Unless the Bulgarian knows the 17th century English method he will have used the wrong materials. It would mean ripping it out and starting again. They are incredibly strict with this type of work. I shouldn’t want this so much but I really hope this happens. I’m a petty man.

Further information

Many people are asking when will David know if the Bulgarian has done the job right.
David might know fairly soon since there are very few suppliers of one of the materials. If the Bulgarian contacts them David will be told. David’s words “It’s a tiny incestuous part of the industry and they gossip like old women. Correction, WE all gossip like old women”

If he doesn’t go there David is leaving it alone until he is told that the work is finished and the Bulgarian is paid. He doesn’t want to put the guy’s money at risk. In David’s words “I don’t want the Bulgarian to drag his arse over here and go home empty-handed just because I can’t wait to drop silly bollocks in the s**t. The man’s got a living to earn. I’ll wait.”

Just in case of confusion “Silly bollocks” is the same person as “Noisy Gobshite”

It should take the Bulgarian about 3 weeks to finish the job unless he works weekends. David knows plenty of people on site and a few at ACC head office so he’ll know when the job is finished.

So I’ve got to sit on my hands for 3-4 weeks and pretend I’m NOT an excited 7 year-old girl pissing her pants about Christmas coming.

UPDATE EIGHT

David has been told that the Bulgarian got straight to it and started work. He’s had materials delivered but from an ordinary building supplier. The stuff he needs to do the job properly is too bulky for him to bring with him even if they sell it in Bulgaria.

He hasn’t ordered it from the UK supplier. There are 3 but only one has enough for this job because they got it in for David. So, unless it is coming by road and ferry he is not using the right materials.

David wouldn’t allow it to go unreported even if he wasn’t annoyed about Noisy Gobshite. He’s got a genuine passion for looking after all these buildings he works on and he is a purist when it comes to historical accuracy.

So now I have to hold my water for 3-4 weeks. David says that if he’s using more modern materials he might finish sooner. 3 weeks is the time it takes if you stay in the 17th century.

I’ve turned into a bit of a weirdo about this job. When I phoned David earlier on a pretext he realised I was after info again.

David: “F**k me! Do you want me to fit a bodycam so you can see and hear everything as it happens?”
Me:”if it’s not too much trouble and you can link me into your phone calls. That’d be nice”
David after laughing : “You f**king knob cheese. Is it ok if I cover the lens when I’m sh**ting and shagging my wife?”
Me: “Personally, I don’t do those two things at the same time but whatever floats your boat”
David : “You’re telling me you do them separately? When are you shagging my wife?”
Me: “Right after she’s cleaned all the s**t off the sheets from doing you. Some of us are fussy”
David “Piss off. You’re an uptight clean freak” Hangs up.

No goodbye No see you soon. English manners aren’t what they used to be.

I know it doesn’t look like it but, honestly, I do have a life. I promise.

TLDR: Owner of contracting firm fires subcontractor without realising nobody else can do the essential work. Lots of s**t ensues.

And now… on to a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THREAD.

Yes… there’s an UPDATE NINE. And he apparently wrote it when he was drunk, so there’s that.

Lots of news.

The Bulgarian finished the job and went home two weeks ago. According to the people who met him Stefan (the Bulgarian) was a good guy and a very hard worker. He did 12 hour days and weekends so he could cut the cost of staying in the UK.

Based on what he learned about Stefan, David is happy that he waited until Stefan got paid before he reported the work.

David was already fairly sure that Stefan was not doing the job correctly. He had checked the three firms who are the only UK suppliers of the most obscure material involved in the job and none said they’d had an order for the site. Of course, it was possible that Stefan imported it but nobody on site had seen an overseas material order.

So, as planned, David contacted the local authority planning department, the client and the architect and an organisation called Historic England. He explained his concerns and the easiest, least intrusive way of testing.

Then he waited for them to look into it. It only took a couple of days but I can honestly say that I’ve never been so anxious or felt so invested in something that is “none of my pissing business”.

First report came from the architect. WRONG METHOD USED! Wrong method using the wrong materials. He’d used a 19th century Bulgarian technique not the 17th century English that is demanded. The Architect was enormously pissed off. David said he’s never heard the Architect use bad language before, but this phone call was blue. Apparently “Noisy Gobshite” is called “that ignorant f**king cockwomble” by the architect. David asked me what a “cockwomble” is. I had no idea. Suggestions welcome.

The architect said he was going to contact the local authority because he doesn’t want them to think this is anything to do with him.

Most of the rest came to David second or third hand. He knows some of the staff from ACC. I asked if it was difficult to get them to tell him anything. He said they can’t pick the phone up fast enough.

The local authority planning officers visited the site and inspected the work. They told the contractor that the work was entirely wrong and must be cleared and done properly.

Then it got interesting.

The inspectors had a look around the site. They found an “issue”. I can’t be specific about this because it would be too easy to identify the buildings involved.

The contractor has destroyed part of the building.

There was an internal feature that didn’t look particularly important but is part of the roof structure. They removed it and put in a much better modern support. But they are not allowed to. Neither the project manager or the new site manager or staff knew the importance.

Guess who ordered it to be replaced (cheap quick option) instead of repaired (slow expensive option). Of course, it was Noisy Gobshite.

It’s a criminal offence to destroy anything on this type of property. Jail time type of crime. Even if they don’t go to jail it’s a massive fine.

So now everybody in that company is pointing fingers at each other and claiming no responsibility. Noisy Gobshite has claimed that he did not give the order to take out the internal parts of the roof structure. The project manage has email evidence he did.

On Tuesday 19th the client ordered all of the contractors staff off the site. They’re having everything examined. It’s almost certain they’re firing the contractor. They’ve issued instructions for bids from new contractors. They’ll also sue the contractor for the cost of repairing and replacing everything they’ve done wrong. The architects estimate was £800k.

The local authority planning department wrote to the contractor outlining what they’ve done wrong and advising them of their plans to inspect and the possibility of prosecution.

According to the staff Noisy Gobshite disappeared to the lawyers on the day the letter arrived. David had three different people from ACC phone him within an hour when the news of the letter circulated around the staff.

So now we’re waiting for a few things.

Client’s inspection. If that confirms that ACC have damaged the site then the client has the right to fire the contractor. ACC doesn’t get paid and they have a massive repair bill.

Local authority inspection by conservation experts. If they’ve destroyed features in the property the local authority will prosecute ACC as a company and the person who ordered it.

David is very unhappy because the internal structure that has been destroyed can’t be replaced. In his words “That wood has been sitting there doing it’s job for 400 years until that f**king jizz stain comes into the picture. Then it’s gone and that’s it, never again” He seems genuinely sad.

I’m betting that Noisy Gobshite is wishing he’d got his own coffee on that day last month.

Correction and Apology

The letter to ACC (not their real name) DID NOT threaten to prosecute. It only made them aware of the planning department’s intention to send a specialist to inspect the building and in particular the area affected by the change.

Apparently, prosecution, if it happens, takes forever.

My sincere apologies for misleading you all. Like everyone else I was too keen to pick up my pitchfork and believe the worst. A combination of wishful thinking and Chinese whispers meant that by the time the story got to David it was much more serious and advanced.

Noisy Gobshite might actually be prosecuted but if it happens it’s more likely to be six months than six days.

That’s the second correction since I started. I promise to try to be a bit more conscientious on future updates.

My fault not David’s. David warned me. “Everything that goes in your ears doesn’t have to spill straight out of your mouth. You’re too keen to feed the masses. They might think you’re farting rainbows right now but that won’t last if you make a bollocks of the info.” He’s right. As usual. As f**king usual. As annoyingly f**king usual.

Requested information

A few people have asked what happened to the original Site Manager who was fired but I couldn’t answer until tonight. We (me, David, Site Manager and two others) met in the pub.

He definitely has the new job (subject to fidelity insurance checks which he’ll pass) He starts on 9th February.

He got paid off “in lieu of notice” by ACC. It’s standard practice for firing. His contract gave 3 months notice and he was owed 12 holiday/vacation days so they paid him just over 3.5 months pay in one lump. He also gets to keep the car until March.

He said “When he fired me I was shaking like a s**tting dog but the wife reminded me that I could take my pension early and how much I hate that company and especially hate that dodgy pillock. Then (architect) called me about the distribution centre job and I stopped worrying”

He has got Christmas off and he is starting the new job on a slightly higher salary. The only downside is that the job is only guaranteed for 18 months. There is the strong possibility that the company will keep him after that if they have work. It’s just not definite.

Initially he was planning to take Noisy Gobshite to an industrial tribunal for unfair dismissal. Now he can’t because he isn’t going to suffer financially. He said “obviously I’m glad I’m not losing money but I was looking forward to beating that wazzock in court”.

Right now he is using the extra time to build a better sleigh and some reindeer. Yep, a sleigh. It’s to go on the back of a truck. His group walk around the area dressed as elves and snowmen, with Father Christmas on the sleigh, playing Christmas carols at window-rattling volume collecting donations for a charity. I’ve been roped into it many times.

He brought David the whisky he promised. David said he shouldn’t but Site Manager said “Yorkshiremen keep their word. Even to a shower of soft shandy-sipping southerners like you lot. Besides, I’m not risking breaking this lucky streak. Even the whisky was half price”. Both me and David pointed at him simultaneously and said “a real Yorkshireman!”. For the unaware, Yorkshire folk have a reputation for two things. Very straight talking and being “careful” with their money.

So, after bollocking him for suggesting that I was a southerner* we left the pub and went to Site Manager’s garage so we could drink the whisky and admire his work on the sleigh. If I tell you all how good Cardhu Gold Reserve tastes will they send me some freebies?

(* I’m Welsh. Born near Caernarfon. Saesneg yw fy ail iaith. Cymru am Byth. That’s why you’ve probably noticed some poor grammar.)

I’m waffling now because I’m full of whisky. It’s 1 a.m. so it’s past my bedtime. Bye for now.

And, wouldn’t you know it… there’s an UPDATE TEN

I think there might be some karmic justice on its way.

Noisy Gobshite has been “interviewed under caution”. It doesn’t mean they’re definitely taking legal action against him but it means they are preparing for the possibility.

They also did the same with the Project Manager and they’re going to do it with the fired Site Manager next week.

The Site Manager is confident he has nothing to worry about. The decision to remove the roof support sections was made after he was fired. He said he was confident that if he’d been there at the time of the illegal alteration the Noisy Gobshite would have tried to pass responsibility. Or as Site Manager put it “that cowardly slope-shouldered turd would have shat all over me to save his own skin”.

Can turds s**t?

Luckily, the Project manager has proof, in the form of an email, that Noisy Gobshite ordered the work. Noisy Gobshite tried to persuade/bribe him not to pass it on to the people investigating this for the local authority planning department. When that didn’t work he tried to threaten him. That backfired because not only did Project Manager ignore the threats, but he told the investigators that Noisy Gobshite told him to “lose” the email.

I have a lawyer friend who tells me that interfering with a witness and destruction of evidence are offences in themselves. Noisy Gobshite won’t stop digging himself a deeper hole. I am going to be so disappointed if he gets away without legal consequences.

He is definitely suffering though. The big news of the week.
Noisy Gobshite has been fired.

David announced it yesterday (Saturday) after he was told by no less than four different employees of ACC. He said they couldn’t wait to tell him. Then the conversation went like this:

Me: “How is that f**king possible? How does the owner get fired? Did he walk up to a mirror and say You’re as much use as Anne Frank’s drum kit, you’re fired”.

David: “Nope. You know he inherited the business from his Dad and Uncle?”

Me: “Yep”.

David: “You know his brother and cousin own a slice each?”

Me: “Yep”

David: “Well, their combined share is over 50%. So they fired him. According to Louise, the Accounts Manager, they are pissing their pants. They were happy to leave Noisy Gobshite in charge as long as the money rolled in but now their golden goose looks very sick.

They’re terrified that losing this contract and the penalties and fines will finish the business. So, they’re appealing to the client/property owner to take ACC back to finish the contract. Part of that involves convincing the building owner that Noisy Gobshite will never have anything to do with the company. Obviously, they’re throwing Noisy Gobshite under the bus.

Louise said there was screaming and threats of violence from Noisy Gobshite when they fired him. He had to be “escorted” off the premises. He’s been phoning employees asking questions and seems surprised when people don’t want to help him. According to Louise he actually thinks the employees like him and want to be loyal to him. She said the man is in cloud cuckoo land”

Me: “He’s going to be so pissed off, I wish I could see that numpty’s face as it was happening”.

David: “It’s nothing that the scrote doesn’t deserve. There is something else, but I can’t tell you because I promised the person who told me that I wouldn’t tell anyone yet”

Me: “You f**king tease. How important is it?”

David: “It’s huge. Life changing for the subject. I wish I could tell you because it nearly gave me a hard-on”

Me: “F**king hell, it must be big if it can get that ugly appendage to do anything except hang there like the last chicken in the shop. Your wife must have been pleased”

David: “What a drama. She thinks I should tell her this thing I was told in confidence. She thinks I should be able to tell her everything because we’re married. I explained it’s not my secret to share. I was hoping I’d get I appreciate you have integrity dear husband but no, I’ve got an angry Mrs who thinks I’m a knobhead”.

(Louise and her job title have been changed to protect the innocent)

It seems like it will be a couple of months before he can give me this awesome news so I don’t want any of you holding your breath.

The client/building owner has done their inspection. Two areas are unacceptable as expected. The damaged area and the part that David should have done but was done by Stefan. They are very unhappy.

When listed buildings are damaged the local authority normally assumes it’s the owner taking shortcuts but in this case the owner is a crusty old institution dedicated to preserving important buildings. They’re not used to being accused of anything shady so they did not like having to prove they had nothing to do with the damage to the building.

David said “It looks like they’ve written off ACC because they’ve issued a type of request for tenders to several other contractors who specialise in conservation”

He then spilled a lot of jargon I neither understood or remembered

Me: “in simple English they have asked a few companies to quote a price for the job”

David: “That’s a very simplistic way of describing it but i don’t have the time or the crayons to explain it to you, so ok, let’s say they’re asking for prices for the job”.

“Condescending twat!”

So I was hoping this story would build up to a crescendo with Noisy Gobshite suffering something horrible but it’s just sort of fizzled out with a whimper while we wait to see what legal action is going to be taken.

Real life is inconveniently slow.

So… after all of that… we find out Mark isn’t updating any longer.

And then… Mark’s wife steps in…

21/1/2020. Hi, this is Mark’s wife. The idiot asked me to apologise to the internet for his silence. He was hurt in a car accident on 7th January. We’re sure he’s going to make a full recovery but he won’t be online for a while. I said it’s just Reddit but he’s an obsessive lunatic about not letting people down so I promised I would add Reddit to the list. So here I am telling all the people that he doesn’t know why he hasn’t finished telling them something they’re probably not reading anyway.

3/2/2020. Hi, Mark’s wife again.
There were over 200 direct messages. Thank you all for your comments and for wishing him well. I’ve read them all to him.
I’m going to answer the three most common questions.

What happened to Mark? He was stationary in his car in a queue to leave the motorway when a large lorry drove straight into the back of him. His car was crushed between that lorry and the lorry in front of Mark. He has several broken bones. Nose and Left orbital and cheekbone, left radius and ulna (forearm), 4 bones in left hand, Right tibia and fibula(lower leg), 4 ribs, one of which punctured his left lung. There is some damage to the central vision of his left eye which we hope is temporary. He has some damage to the tendons in his right hand which need more surgery. Lots of cuts. Total of 112 stitches. He looks like a mess but there is a chance that he might recover without any permanent damage. If it was me I wouldn’t cope but he has always been as tough as nails for as long as I’ve known him. When I first got to the hospital and he was lying there covered in blood and wires and tubes and he couldn’t speak properly I went to pieces. He had me laughing within minutes. He’s always been good at knowing the right thing to say. The thing that is bothering him most right now is not being able to use his hands.

When will he update the story? It could be a while. I could ask the friend he has called “David” for an update but I definitely can’t tell a story like Mark can. Obviously I’m biased, but I think Mark is the funniest man I’ve ever met. When he and “David” get started I laugh so much I can hardly breathe. For now, I’ve told him to forget about everything except getting well but if it starts to bother him I’ve told him I’ll do some secretary roleplay and he can dictate the story to me. I know he will finish it. He always finishes what he starts. I wish I had a tenth of his self-discipline.

A few have asked if they can send him cards or gifts or money to help with medical bills or lost earnings. Thank you so much for offering but it’s not necessary. We’re in the UK so, thankfully, healthcare is free. He doesn’t want anyone’s money. If anyone feels the need to do something there is a charity that we have supported for a long time called Macmillan Cancer Support. You can donate at https://www.macmillan.org.uk/donate. They are always grateful for any amount big or small.

Oh… did I say there were only TEN updates?

I lied.

In May 2020… Mark’s wife posted THIS update… and the news is not good.

22/05/2020 – This username /u/MostlyGruntled belonged to my husband Mark.

He wrote the story about his friend “David” and a business owner he called “Noisy Gobshite”. Mark had been updating the story until he was involved in a car accident in January. At that time he asked me to let everyone know that he was injured and he would update the story when he had recovered.

Unfortunately, just over a week after my last comment Mark passed away. Everyone thought he was recovering but without warning he suddenly became unconscious and died very quickly. The staff tried everything they could to save him but he had suffered a “ruptured aorta”. They said it had probably been damaged during the accident and isn’t uncommon in car crashes. I’m sorry I didn’t update this sooner but to be honest I completely forgot about this website. It was only when I came back to read Mark’s words again that I saw how many people were waiting for Mark to finish the story. I don’t know how many people will see this update but if you know anyone who was waiting for Mark to reply would you please pass this news to them. Thank you.

Thank you to the hundreds of people who left get well messages for Mark. I’m so sorry that I ignored you all for so long but I’ve been dazed for the last three months. Mark would most definitely have disapproved of my leaving everyone in limbo and would have told me off.

Many thanks to the people who made donations to Macmillan Cancer Support although it seems strange to see money “donated in the name of MostlyGruntled”.

Finally, thank you to the moderators, particularly /u/Merari01 for helping me by explaining how I could inform everyone.

24/05/2020 – I can’t thank you all enough for the lovely words and virtual hugs that I have seen over the last day. I have cried for hours . It’s hard to explain what “good crying” is when you lose someone. Anyone who has lost a loved one will probably understand. Because of your posts and messages most of today has been “good crying”. Your words have made me think about all of Mark’s wonderful qualities and all the reasons I loved him so much.
I started writing the update and then abandoned it about 8 times before finally finding some bravery. I’m so glad I did it. Thank you again to the moderator /u/Merari01 for the last little push I needed.
It’s also made me realise that I want to do one more thing that Mark would have wanted. He always finished what he started. I’m going to speak to his friends and find out what has happened. I know some of it already but I’ll try to get myself up to date with everyone’s outcomes. I warn you in advance it will NOT be like Mark’s writing. It will just be the facts. I haven’t got an ounce of Mark’s flair for telling a story but its obvious from the comments that a lot of people were waiting for a conclusion. The plain facts will have to do. Please be forgiving. I’m going to speak to the person he called “David” (who has been an absolute rock for me this year). Hopefully he will be able to tell me everything. I’ll enter the update as soon as I can.
Thank you all SO much. You have no idea how much this has helped.

25/05/2020- Yesterday I was having a better day, mainly because of what you all wrote. Today I woke up angry and I can’t shake it. Today is a public holiday in England and I keep thinking about what we would be doing if Mark was here. He never wasted a holiday. I’m angry because I have lost the best person I have ever known in my life just because some selfish idiot couldn’t wait to reply to a text message. I can’t get over the stupidity and the unfairness. He will go to prison, but only for a few years, but nothing will bring my Mark back. Sorry people, I just needed to vent. Please, please, please don’t use your phone when you’re driving and don’t tolerate it if you see others doing it.

3/6/2020 – I would like to mention two things.
Firstly, may I thank everyone who has made a comment. The beautiful things you have all said about Mark have lifted my spirits. I didn’t imagine they would, which is why I took so long to inform you that Mark had passed away. But you did help. Even when what you said was so touching that I broke down, which I have done dozens of times reading the wonderful words.
Secondly, May I apologise for not yet responding to every comment. On some days I feel I could talk about Mark all day. On others I can’t even think about him without going to pieces. If I haven’t responded to your individual comment it’s not that I haven’t read it, I’ve read all of them. It’s just that I have been in a bad place some of the time and I can’t reply. I will eventually reply to everyone, just as I did, very slowly, with the cards at the time of his funeral and since. I didn’t think I would get through them all. It seemed that I was climbing a mountain that wouldn’t stop growing but I eventually replied to them all. All 322 of them. Finishing what I start is one of several good habits I caught from Mark.

I just want to hear him call me cariad again

(Cariad isn’t my name. It’s a Welsh word for love)

27/07/2020. 3.10 a.m.

Wow. I haven’t been online for a few days and suddenly there are hundreds of messages.
I can’t sleep again and it occurred to me that I could update what happened to each of the people Mark had written about. It’s just the facts. It won’t have Mark’s humour or style. Just plain information but it’s the best I can do and better than nothing.

Site Manager.

He started as planned in the new position on a building project for a distribution centre. Mark had already said what Site Manager and David were unhappy about. Being on a fixed 18 month contract as a self employed person was a disadvantage compared to being an employee. But that was before the coronavirus. After the virus hit most of the employees were laid off, some were furloughed, but because of the contract the company had to keep paying the Site Manager in full. What he thought was a bad thing turned out to be his saviour.

Noisy Gobshite.

The last that David could tell me about Noisy Gobshite was that he has been forced to divest his share of the business so he no longer owns a third. He had to sign a personal liability agreement regarding his assets in the event of total liabilities being greater than the value of the company. The way I understand that is that if, for example, the total bills for Noisy Gobshite’s mistakes are more than the company can pay, then Noisy Gobshite must pay the extra even if that means he loses his house. He had to give up his share of the business because they couldn’t keep trading if he was involved. He needs them to keep going to pay the lawyers. He hasn’t been charged with a crime yet but it’s certain that he will. They take a long time investigating and preparing before they charge him. Something to do with needing to be ready to go to court once he is charged. It also came to light that he had a warning for similar but much more minor damage to a listed building in 2011. David has been told that during the investigation some “irregularities” we’re discovered by the local authority and were referred to HMRC (the tax man) and Noisy is also being investigated for VAT fraud. One of the earliest comments on Mark’s story said “expensive cup of coffee”. An understatement if ever I’ve seen one. The big news was going to be about Noisy Gobshite and the s*xual assault/rape of one of the P.A.s in the ACC offices in 2017 and s*xual harassment of other staff too. The rape/assault did happen but wasn’t Noisy Gobshite. It was a former Finance Director. Stories about s*xual harassment of female staff have not developed and turned out to be just rumour.

David.

Financially and workwise he is probably one of the few people who were not affected by the covid19 outbreak. Because he works on his own and has no social distancing issues he has continued almost as usual. He said work is easier because, in his words “the usual plonkers are not there to trip on my equipment or stick plank ends into my finished work”. Personally, David is not doing so well. Outside of family David took Mark’s death worse than anybody. He tries not to show it in front of me. When he is with me he is a rock. He has saved me from myself. He is one of three people where I feel I can really let go about Mark. Or so I thought. I spoke to David’s wife last week and she was so sweet and sympathetic about it but she had to tell me to hold back a little with David. He looks strong to me but his wife says it’s shattering him. I knew he and Mark were good friends. She says he has taken Mark’s death very badly. She says in all their marriage she only saw him cry once when their dog died. She didn’t see him cry when his parents passed. She says he seems lost now and has cried quite a few times. The worst thing to hear is that the time he cries is after he has been to see me. I feel terrible. It’s obvious that he was grieving but I didn’t know I was putting so much on him. I’m going to be more careful and stop using him to vent all my pain. I wish she had spoken sooner. Or maybe I should have been aware of it instead of being so selfishly focussed on my own grief. That’s as much as I know about the updates. They are waiting to see what Noisy gets charged with. If he is guilty of damage to listed buildings he might go to prison. If he is guilty of VAT fraud he’ll almost definitely go to prison. Either way the fine will e six figures. David said he wondered if he’d like prison coffee. He’s got evil sense of humour.

27/07/2020 5.30 a.m.

When I came online earlier there were notifications for 512 private messages and comments. I don’t know where to start. If you’ve written PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t think I’m ungrateful because I haven’t replied. At 3.10 a.m. I felt able to write so I did the update. Right now I don’t think I can do it.

I have been looking at the video of our wedding. I thought it would make me feel better but I feel like I’ve been knocked over by a bus. Mark’s speech has crushed me. He talked about when we met and when he went back to the house he shared with other Royal Marines. One of them asked Mark “what’s the joke?” Then again “you’re grinning about something, come on, what’s so funny?” Mark said he couldn’t and wouldn’t explain it to them. He just couldn’t stop smiling every time he thought about our date. He said he felt like that every time he thought about me. On our wedding day it made me smile and brought a tear to my eyes but this morning it broke me. I don’t think the pain is getting easier. I think it’s getting worse. I can’t stand it. I feel it all through me and I can’t stop it. All I can think lately is that if I can’t have him back I wish I had been in the car with him. He was an atheist and he always said “this is all you get so don’t dare waste any of it” so he wouldn’t approve of me hurting myself so I don’t think I can. It’s just so hard to carry on with this pain. I just want it to stop. I’m sorry to carry on like this. I daren’t say this to people I know because they worry but writing here is like screaming into a diary. My apologies to everyone. Ill try to get a hold on things but I miss him SO much and I can’t stop it hurting.

I don’t know what to do. Nos Da Cariad

31/08/2020 17.25

Since I last updated this submission I’ve replied to quite a lot of messages. Hundreds. But I didn’t get through them all. I can’t read/see any more of the messages in chat but the screen says I still have 92 waiting. If you didn’t get an answer you’re in the 92.

It was our anniversary yesterday 30th August. I was dreading it but then when it came it was sort of empty. I watched our wedding video. I cried. I answered some messages. Half way through one message I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realisation that all the happiness I will ever have in my life has already happened. And finished. Everything I try to do in the future is just going to be overwritten with “Mark should be here but he isn’t”. Everything from here until I die is just going to be existence. Just breathing and watching the days pass. It seems so pointless without Mark. I don’t know if I can write any more. Thank you to everyone who offered their help. You’re lovely people. Hold on to the people you love like you might lose them tomorrow. Don’t do what I did and assume you can carry on in your own little heavenly bubble forever. Some careless idiot can snuff out everything you love in the blink of an eye leaving you with nothing ahead of you.

Bye.