You only get one shot, people. Whether you’re meeting a stranger, potential boss, or a blind date, you only get one opportunity to make a first impression. So don’t blow it!
People on AskReddit shared the best ways to make a bad impression, so do the exact opposite of that, okay?
1. That’s odd
“Correct someone when they tell you their name.
“Hi! I’m Joseph”
“Ohh you mean Jonathon!”
“… No..”
2. I know
“Reply with “Yeah, I know.” when they say “Nice to meet you.”
Yes, personal experience. I was the a**hole.”
3. Not a good way to start
“Create a dumb pet name for that person and let them know.
“And you are?”
“Vicky”
“I’m going to call you Vickers.” “
4. Sup bro?
“Turn up high on mad drugs.”
5. Never a good idea
“Simultaneously poop yourself and vomit. Does it every time.”
6. Sniff sniff
“Shake their hand, and hold onto it for a just little longer than usual. Then bring it up to your nose and take a goooood long sniff. Let out a little moan after. Then carry on like usual.”
7. “This looks boring”
“My company is currently interviewing for a couple of positions. Sometimes, during the second round of interviews, they bring candidates in to the office where they’ll be working, partly so they can see it, and partly so the rest of the team can give their first impressions after they’re gone.
The candidate who was the strongest on paper comes in, and the first thing he says is: “This looks boring.” I don’t think he’ll get the job.”
8. That is very specific
“Wear Oakleys and a backwards hat, have yourself delivered in a large box, then explode out of it to do a dabbing pose with fidget spinners in each hand and vape smoke clouding out of your nostrils.”
9. Passionate fans
“Well the other day i went to my girlfriends house. Mexican soccer final was on.
Her dad asks me “So, which team of the two do you like?”
“Eh, i dont watch soccer much anymore but Las Aguilas del America are okay.”
He turns over and looks at me. Felt like 30 min. Then he finally says “Theyre the only team I can’t f*cking stand.”
So that way.”
10. Detailed instructions
“Here is my comprehensive breakdown.
0 Disengage your sense of empathy
1 Don’t let the other person talk about things they care about, but encourage them to go on at length about things that make them uncomfortable. Interupt or divert conversation whenever they look like they might be moving to a topic they find interesting, or even engaging in a non-positive way.
2 Make your physical presence as unpleasant as possible. You want to smell, but not just ‘I don’t wash’ smell, I’m talking hospital smells, post sex smell, wet dog and cheap perfume, vegtable rot all blended together. Make it so that if they try to figure out how those smells got there they would think you had been doing deeply unpleasant things for the day. You want your handshakes, to be limp and strangely damp- always shake hands with the hand you hold your drink, and linger too close. Lean in and whisper. Have bad breath. Make sure your movements are bereft of elegance and grace- preferably jerky or awkward in ways that people instantly think ‘isn’t that uncomfortable’, which in turn makes them uncomfortable. Lopsided, S-spine posture is a must. Make sure your hands are dirty, skin rough, and with jagged nails. Don’t use clippers for those nails, just teeth, and preferably just as you meet someone while going for a handshake with the other hand.
3 Dress with clothes that tell an unpleasant story. Ill fitting is a must, but also things that make it look like you’ve come from somewhere unpleasant and are bringing it with you. Hated subcultures are a must, but be careful. If you are too divisive, you might encourage people of that subculture to engage positively with you- a good trick is to combine things like militant pro-vegan slogan tees with a real fur jacket. Try to make sure your clothes have damage and unfortunate stains.
4 Attitude. You can make a lot of attitudes work, but one thing is your enemy-consistancy. Be loud, be quiet, use big expressive language, use small body language and gestures, be uncomfortably friendly then unreasonably angry. The more moods and emotions you can display in those first moments of meeting, the more unsettling it is.
5 Defy expectations. If there are boundaries, even things as simple as when and where to be, cross them. If there is a list of good ettiquite for where you meet someone, breach every part of it.
6 Last, but certainly not least, practice. Like with any skill, practice makes perfect. Fortunately, most cities have places where you will make a first impression on thousands of people in a day- go out into the world and see what works. Rush hour traffic or christmas shopping, you can practice first impressions anywhere, until people will avoid eye contact and cross the street at a glance.”
11. Now I’m sad
“Be yourself..?”
12. Very true
“If on a date- treating service industry people poorly.”
13. No
“Lick their face.”
14. Shrug
“Show up late without a good excuse.”
15. A lot of that going around
“Talk about yourself 24/7 and interrupt people.”
