Relationships are complicated, and if you take that already-complicated mess and sprinkle in some kids and some trauma you often get a situation that’s fraught with tension more often than not.
For this stay-at-home mom, the tension is boiling over in reaction to an invitation to HER brother’s wedding.
OP and her husband have three fairly young kids, and because he had a past trauma with a babysitter, OP is not allowed to hire one.
Ever.
So, she mostly stays home or takes the kids with her.
I’m a stahm and my husband works full time. We have 3 kids and one of them is 2 years old. My husband helps alot with the kids.
He’s a committed dad but is absolutely against babysitters due to an awful incident with a babysitter that was the reason his younger male cousin James got disabled years ago.
I don’t go out much since I have to take the kids with me and not every place is suitable for kids.
Then, an invitation arrived to her brother’s child-free wedding, four states away. OP said that she wanted to go, because of obvious reasons, and suggested they ask a trusted friend to watch their children while they’re gone.
We received an invitation for my brother’s (who has been my husband’s friend since college) wedding which we later discovered was child free.
My brother lives states away so the entire trip will take 4 days as well as my brother’s inlaws weekend dinner party (their tradition).
I told my husband I want to go since it’s been a while since I been to a wedding and this one is special and suggested we get a trusted friend as a babysitter.
Her husband absolutely lost it, accusing her of not caring about her children, of thinking a wedding is more important than their safety, and of wanting HIM to miss HIS “best friend’s” wedding if he would be the one to stay behind instead.
Yikes.
He asked if I was serious to consider leaving our 2 year old with a babysitter and suggested that I do what I normally do and stay home with the kids while he goes to the wedding. I refused and said I have as much right to attend as him since we both were invited.
He said it wasn’t his fault my brother wants a child free wedding and I should do this for the kids and sacrifice for their sake. I still refused and said this was unfair and since he’s a parent too then he should also stay for the kids.
He looked at me and said “That’s my best friend’s wedding you’re asking me to skip for Christ’s sake, are you kidding me?”. Then said I was being petty for suggesting this and that I was basically choosing to go and party over keeping our kids safe.
The abusive barrage continued, with OP refusing to back down because she thinks she’s right, and her husband getting more and more angry that she can’t see it his way.
He asked me to consider this a business trip what would I do? Go with him and leave the kids?…. I said I understand his paranoia of babysitters but really all my friends have sitters and at times they’re really needed.
He said I ought to know better than what my friends tell me and this wasn’t even up for discussion and when I kept arguing he called me selfish and said he won’t let me ruin his relationship with his friend because I was being spiteful for not being able to attend and that my brother will understand my situation.
He keeps asking who’s more important a wedding party or my kids and said I was unreasonable for making my attendance the hill to die on.
Am i being selfish for wanting to attend this wedding, my brother’s wedding after 4 years not attending anything?
Now OP wants to know if she’s being selfish, and I have a feeling Reddit has a whole earful for her in return.
The top comment says, as nicely as possible, that her husband is entitled and selfish and doesn’t care about her at all.
Image Credit: Reddit
The consensus seems to be that he’s trapped her, and he’s done it on purpose.
Image Credit: Reddit
And pretty much everyone doubts her initial claim that he’s a good father.
Image Credit: Reddit
Everyone is hoping OP will stand up for herself and not look back.
Image Credit: Reddit
Plenty of people pointed out that the brother and her family wouldn’t probably take too kindly to him coming alone, but who knows?
Image Credit: Reddit
I am aghast at this post, even though I feel like nothing on AITA could really surprise me.
If this was your sister, what would you say? What would you tell her to do? Let us know in the comments!
