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At the risk of sounding super old, it seems to me that entitlement has become a huge problem over the last several years. I’m not sure whether or not the internet and social media have something to do with it, but it seems likely, right?
This eighteen-year-old girl is about to find out the hard way that you’re not owed a college education – not even by your parents who can afford it.
OP is the father in this scenario. He had his daughter young and his relationship with her mother did not work out.
I (38M) have a 19 year old daughter Ariel with my ex-wife Lauren (39F). We had Ariel too young, and it was a huge struggle. We moved into Lauren’s family’s. I was working multiple jobs. Me and Lauren were best friends thru all this. But things ended when Ariel was 2.
Lauren’s friend Tori (38F) told me that Lauren had been messaging guys and when they went out she would give out her number. I checked Lauren’s phone and found it. I asked for a divorce, Lauren was pissed and wanted to reconcile. I didn’t and got split custody.
Lauren made my life hell. Lauren badmouthed me, would miss pick up times and make decisions without talking to me. Her dad offered money to relinquish custody, I told him off.
Things have been contentious between them ever since, particularly after he married a friend of hers several years down the line, and their daughter has been fed the idea that the friend broke up her parents.
To that end, she has not been willing to form a relationship with her father’s wife or her half-brother to the point where everyone is unhappy and uncomfortable when she is around.
I remarried Tori when Ariel was 6. Tori was a rock during the divorce but we didn’t date till 2 years later. Lauren used this to warp Ariel against Tori and our son (13M). She excludes them. Whenever she spends the night she will just talk to me or go to her room if my family was around. Our son walks to the basement if she comes over.
It hurts me a lot. I’ve spent thousands on therapy before people bring that up. It still is being utilized. But at this point Ariel is being nasty for the sake of it.
Her mom has convinced her I cheated with her friend and had a baby. Which is funny because as I’ve pointed out. The timelines don’t even match up. I’ve done everything at this point including family time, 1 on 1 and therapy.
Ariel is plain rude to them and they are done trying.
OP and his ex had a plan for years to split the costs of a college education, but when the time came for him to pay up, OP found he had reached the end of his patience with his daughter’s rude behavior.
Ariel is now 19 and just started college. The deal was me and her mom would split it.
Ariel graduated from HS in may and hosted a party. I was invited but my family wasn’t. I told Ariel I found that disrespectful. So I’d send a card but wouldn’t be going. She didn’t care and we haven’t spoken since.
I get a call from Lauren saying she paid the first semester and was wondering when I’d be paying.
Since the daughter is basically asking her stepmother and half-brother to help pay for college, OP said she would need to at least attempt a cordial relationship with his family as a stipulation.
I said I was no longer paying. As I’m not pulling money out of my household, when Ariel is disrespectful to 2/3rds of it. My ex went off. Saying we had an agreement.
I reminded her of when her dad tried to buy my custody. And said “you have what you’ve always wanted. Full control and custody. You won. So figure it out”. Then texted her that I’ve been putting up with this long enough. She got her 18 years of child support from me. So until she planned on setting the record straight that I was done with both of them. And blocked her.
I called Ariel and told her the same. Gave the reasons I’m not paying and told her she needed to look into loans. But I would pay for college if she at least tried to form a bond with my family because she created this situation with her attitude. So if she wants my help, she needs to attempt it.
She started crying. But I didn’t fall for it. Told her what my expectations were and to let me know what her plan is so I can move the money around. My wife is on my side here. Saying we’ve been the bad guys for long enough.
But I’m getting s*%t from others. AITA?
His ex and his daughter both think he’s the a$$hole, obviously, but what does Reddit say?
Let’s find out!
The top comment has some words for all of the other commenters who found fault with OP’s reasoning.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person agrees, and thinks it’s high time the daughter start thinking for herself.
Image Credit: Reddit
After all, as this commenter said, he is still giving her a choice.
Image Credit: Reddit
Everyone has the right to set hard boundaries for their own mental health.
Image Credit: Reddit
Not even your parents have to want you around once you’re grown.
Image Credit: Reddit
This is a tough one, because the daughter obviously has had a tough time of it, but it’s high time she starts analyzing for herself.
What advice would you give OP? Should he suck it up? Tell us why or why not in the comments!
