Relationships are tough, and that goes for ones that are platonic, ones that are romantic, ones that are paternal, and pretty much any other sort you can think of. We’re all coming into them with different origin stories, different insecurities, and unique sets of circumstances that have brought us to the moment we met.
For this OP, those differences came to a head with a good friend, and now she’s wondering if she handled the disagreement all wrong.
There are two couples in this story – one is OP and her boyfriend, who are dating under the agreement that they have different priorities when it comes to work, and OP’s friend, whose longtime boyfriend is a serial cheater.
My (27F) partner “S” (32M) and I have been together for ~3 years. Our relationship has always been a little odd from the outside. S works 80h+/week as a lawyer at a large firm. I work as a policy analyst for the gov and at a nice 37.5h/week in comparison.
Before we dated, he told me that he wants to work up to being a partner and that that would require long hours. I told him that I prioritize work-life balance, even if it means a lower salary. We agreed to date knowing this about each other.
My best friend “V” (27F) and her boyfriend started dating our 1st year of uni and have a rocky relationship. The bf cheated on V in our last year of uni and he’s since been caught cheating again twice. V, against my advice, has chosen to stay with him.
Recently, OP’s boyfriend – a high-powered attorney aiming for partner – has gotten an assistant who they’re all pretty sure is interested in him.
OP isn’t worried, as she doesn’t have any reason to believe her boyfriend would cheat.
S recently got a promotion and, as part of the deal, was assigned an assistant. When I met her I kind of got a vibe that she was crushing on S. She was really flirty and very attentive to S, which he pointed out to me first.
He said that he’d still keep her on as assistant but that he would make sure nothing got out of hand. I wasn’t concerned, because I’ve never had a reason to worry that he would cheat on me.
Things came to a head one night when OP and her friend got dinner together, then stopped to drop off dinner for OP’s boyfriend, who was working late.
He was there with the assistant, though others were also in the office, and there was no funny business going on.
One night V and I got dinner and later decided to go back to my place. S’s office is in between the restaurant we were at and my apartment building, so I offered to go drop off some food for him. I asked V if it was okay if we stopped and she agreed.
When we got to his floor, he was working in a (glass-panelled) room alone with his assistant. I didn’t think much of it, dropped off the food and left. I also want to add that there were lots of other people in the office.
Even so, the friend freaked out, saying that OP’s boyfriend was definitely going to cheat and she needed to force him to get a new assistant before that happened.
Then the friend suggested that OP would even have to let her boyfriend cheat, since he made so much more money.
As soon as we left, V asked if that was the assistant that I thought had a crush on S. I said yes, that they often work late together. V got angry at me, saying that I was treating this like a joke and that if I want to keep my man, I have to stake my claim (or something). I explained to her that I wasn’t worried that he would cheat and that I trusted him. V told me that she was certain that he was cheating and that I should force him to ask for a different assistant.
I was getting kind of annoyed, but it got worse when V said, amongst other things, that S knows he can cheat on me and I’d let him because he makes more money than me so he doesn’t need to respect me bc he pays more.
S’s salary is around 3x mine, although I have an okay salary myself (~85k) and don’t need him for money. We split bills %-wise, so I pay less than he does, but it’s equitable and we agreed on it.
That’s when OP snapped, calling her friend a doormat and assuring her that she would have no trouble leaving if he cheated – unlike her.
Ouch.
I told V that just because she’s okay being treated like a doormat doesn’t mean I am and that if he cheated on me, I would leave him. Respect is essential in a relationship.
I also said that she had no place offering relationship advice considering her bf is a serial-cheater and they fought all the time, and that if she wanted to keep complaining to me I should start charging her.
It was mean and I feel really bad about it now, she hasn’t talked to me since. So, AITA?
Does Reddit think she went too far? Let’s find out in the comments!
The top response says that the friend is projecting and OP shouldn’t have to listen to it.
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This poor friend doesn’t even realize how far gone she is.
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She’s trying to protect herself, but it’s also not OP’s job to prop up her illusions.
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This person thinks some of the comments were a step too far.
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Yay for mature relationships!
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I agree that OP is the one in a good relationship and wasn’t exactly wrong, and good for her for being willing to apologize for her missteps where they were made.
How would you have handled this? Drop some knowledge on us in the comments!
