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If you’re an office manager or a boss, and you’re thinking of throwing a party for your employees, might I suggest you take a look at these 16 recollections of parties gone bad from the annals of AskReddit.
I’m not saying that you don’t throw the party, or even that you don’t serve alcohol. But, you might want to have a plan going in, lest you don’t end up on the next list I make:
1. “The highlight of the party”
My ex girlfriend’s parents own a restaurant, and every year they throw a huge christmas party. The party is always great and is open bar with a great band playing.
One year when i was walking into the kitchen to restock the beer, i open the door to see a dishwasher and a waitress having sex on the dishwasher counter.
I quietly walked out and got a group of people together to walk in and embarrass them, and it was the highlight of the party.
2. “Good times, good times”
Summer clerk event. Clerk has brought his GF (who was very attractive, moreso that you would have thought this clerk capable), and everyone is having a good time.
Dinner ends and people are deciding where to go out drinking, when server shows up with a tray full of tequila shots. Partner’s wife has ordered about 15-20 shots for the maybe 10 people still standing there. Anyway, we start to get to work on the shots and now partner’s wife (who we are realizing is really, really drunk) wants to do body shots!
Long story short, a minute later, partner’s wife is sucking salt of the nape of clerk’s GF’s neck while everyone (but mostly the clerk) is nervously laughing.
We all head to the bar, except partner and wife apparently go home rather than join us. Clerk and GF don’t last much longer as the wheels come flying off her wagon at the bar about 15 minutes later.
Good times, good times.
FYI, clerk is now a 4th year associate, and I don’t believe I’ve seen the partner’s wife at a firm function in quite some time.
3. Demon Porn
My supervisor and I somehow ended up on the couch in the basement of another coworker’s Christmas party, watching demon porn.
4. Madman
An exec looked at a picture of my wife and did a little nod and wink while we drank gin and tonics, the absolute madman.
5. Just the highlights
Pretty late, but I work in a restaurant and we end up with some wild parties at staff events. About three times a year we hold these staff parties. Usually around Christmas, around the end of our restaurants fiscal year, and a summer party on the patio.
Working in a restaurant we have a strange group of people. Lots of younger staff (think 16-23) and then a group of much older people (mothers who are serving part time, life long servers, experienced grill cooks, management, etc.), so the contrast in age always leads to unexpected, wild parties.Things that happen almost every party:
- All the ladies and a few lucky guys end up drunk dancing on the bar and tables.
- Someone gets caught (and ignored) doing lines in the bathrooms.
- Lap dances are had and filmed.
- Someone ends up passed out at a booth table,
- People lose their clothing (usually guys shirts, sometimes women go home in just bras covered up by a nice guys hoodie),
- Anything else you expect at a house party.
Things that stood out to me (starting less NSFW and going more NSFW):
I’d offered to DD the first year I got my car and was still a year underage. One of our older kitchen staff puked out my window, and then I sat in my car as he zig-zagged back and forth across his yard (literally the entire yard, like, 15 feet left then 15 feet right) and finally made it to his front door, spent maybe 2-3 minutes trying to unlock the door before finally getting inside, and me immediately seeing him fall down on his face trying to get up his stairs. I saw his wife at the top of the stairs and figured he was in fine hands, so I continued my way home.
Our previous kitchen manager slurring through a conversation with one of our young grill cooks (who was drinking heavily daily, definitely showing alc*holic tenancies but has since cut WAY down on the drinking) about the dangers of alcohol and how he needs to slow down on the partying… While buying him shot after shot of tequila. (This was one of the managers who we found passed out at a booth when his wife came to drive him home)Me excitedly jumping in the air after winning a game of beer pong! Unfortunately my young female beer pong partner was about two inches off my shoulder when I jumped and I ended up smashing her face with my shoulder giving her a really bad nose bleed… I still feel bad about that one… I bought her a few more drinks to make up for it.
We don’t encourage underage drinking, but basically we ‘can’t’ stop anything that doesn’t happen in our restaurant. Normally, the underage kids have a few drinks in their car before coming in and then enjoy the night as usual, then call a cab or have someone DD them home. This one night, the ‘city redneck’ boys decided they needed to bring a keg and two 24’s in their truck to the party. Throughout the night, them and a few other people would slip out for a “cigarette break” and would presumably crush a few beers.
This was fine, until one underage lady (who was taking ‘cigarette breaks’ with the other people) projectile vomited across the hallway leading towards the washrooms, then proceeded to pass out on the booth. Once we woke her up, she was found by our GM giving head to one of our other under age coworkers in the mens bathroom. That was a fun party.
The stories go on, but those are definitely the highlights of the largest staff parties.
6. You load 16 kegs, and whaddya get?
I worked in southern Louisiana for an internship for a semester, and to celebrate a year of no injuries in the workplace, our lead supervisor decided to throw a keg party in the back parking lot of the plant.
The outrageous part was that she ended up ordering 16 kegs of beer for probably around 100 people. Needless to say, there were some stumblin’, grumblin cajuns that almost didn’t make it home that afternoon. Never seen that before in my life, on company property in the daylight.
7. “I didn’t quit”
I was working for a large Canadian ‘t‘elecom company about 6 years ago. Our office was downtown in a major city and we liked to go for drinks or food after work. One night I ended up with a group that included three of my bosses, a new assistant, and two colleagues who had the same position as myself. After hours of clubbing we realised the last busses were gone and it was cold out. The girls were wearing dresses, the guys suits. Not the best attire for Canadian winters at night.
One of the managers suggested we go back to our office and keep the party going. I was pretty drunk, so I laid down on one of the lobby couches when we arrived at the office and fell asleep. I was woken up shorty by a sobbing receptionist. She had started dating one of the managers and came by the office because a friend of hers told her he was still at the office. I looked up to see what she was so upset about.
And right through the floor-to-ceiling glass walls are two of the managers (one of which was her boyfriend) double teaming the new assistant on the conference table. Literally ON the table, in full sight of us. I did the only appropriate thing, went right back to sleep. Left in the morning before staff came in and never went back.
I didn’t quit, didn’t tell anyone what happened either. I just stopped answering my phone and emails and found another job. I didn’t want to get caught up in the impending HR shit show.
8. Intern
Was interning at a Fortune 500 Insurance company in college. New (<month) underwriting intern decided it’d be a good idea to get shit faced at the company’s summer party, where all the spouses and kids show up. He kept it together until he saw the wine bottles, opened one up, started drinking directly from the bottle.
Gets blasted, the two highest in command people see where this is going, they stay LATER than intended to make sure he’s ok, order him an expensive Uber ride back to his place (they paid for it), dude loses it, yells at the Uber driver to tell him to take him back. No one knows how he got home. Three days later, (Monday) super awkward hellos and he was kindly given the chance to resign instead of being fired.
TLDR: don’t do stupid shit when you’re an intern.
9. Calling the bluff
A friend of mine who passed away too young from too much partying did this at a company picnic.
A group of us were sitting at a picnic table and my friend comes over and places a hot dog bun on the table he proceeds to whip out his penis and places it in the bun, he yells out that he has a foot long if someone wants one.
One of the gay guys sitting with us says that he would love one. My friend has this shocked look on his face and picks up and leaves.
10. How Surgeons Fight
A couple of world class surgeons from different hospitals got in a fight, no hitting, but much stern shoulder-poking and yelling.
One hospital sent a giant nurse who is also a bouncer to “stand menacingly” behind their surgeon, so the other guy’s wife ran up and started screeching, followed quickly by the manager that worked with the first surgeon.We had to go break it up and then both surgeons said fuck it and took their entire teams out to drink at different bars.
I guess that’s about as alarming as it gets, generally we are well behaved.
11. Crying
My aunt hugging the toilet bowl in her underwear.
Oh yeah and we took the boss home because he was drunk. He stripped down to his underwear and sat on the side of his bed crying for more champagne.
12. Shrek-Tease
I was working at Blockbuster, back when there were such things. Our holiday party was pretty sad and consisted of a secret santa exchange and then getting the store cleaned and ready for the next day while kid-friendly movies played on the monitors. It was pathetic, especially as it was mandatory, we had to wear our uniforms, and the managers didn’t bother to show up.
A couple of the assistant managers were having some drinks during their smoke breaks. One of them had a bit too much and she ended up doing a strip tease on top of the checkout counter to a song from Shrek.
Good times.
13. Headlock
Super drunk file clerk puts arm around our CEO “Charles”, who this drunk person starts calling “Chucky”. Drunk guy pretends to put him in headlock… everyone shocked.
Drunk guy doesn’t remember any of it the next day, and is horrified to hear what he did.
14. “It started out very classy”
I just went to my first ever work Christmas party, and it got absolutely insane. It started out very classy: it was held in a very nice hotel, the meal was $50 a person, and everyone got $300+ hotel rooms. But we also had an open bar. I forgot to mention that I work at a car dealership and for those of you who don’t know, car salesmen party. Hard.
To start: When my manager got up to give his speech, he was already so drunk, he fell backwards into the dj table and almost killed himself. He ended up being okay, finished his speech, and then everyone started dancing. One of my coworker’s wives started grinding on me from behind, while a girl at another store starts doing the same from the front. At this point, every drug in existence is brought out and used, but molly and cocaine were the favorites.
Now that everyone is rolling, I see one of the other managers walk by shirtless. On his stomach was written,”#(room number), beer pong”. Everyone started following him like he’s the goddamn pied-piper. I don’t remember much after that because I was already smashed as hell and passed in my friend’s room with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. Apparently, everyone was naked and a lot of clothes ended up on the roof of the hotel. We have this party at the same hotel every year for the last 9 years.
15. Plead the Fifth
My boss showed the entire staff that he has 5 nipples at the company Christmas party one year.
He even let one girl touch the 5th one.
16. Everything
I worked at Playboy.
Sooo…everything?
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