I’ve wondered before if there are moms and dads out there who regret having children…
Now I have my answer: YES.
Which is a bit surprising, but I guess there are bound to be some moms and dads out there that aren’t exactly thrilled with having kids…
People who regret having kids opened up on AskReddit. Let’s see what they had to say.
1. Drained.
“Kids are a lot of work.
I was never really excited about parenthood, but agreed to adopt with my spouse. I miss sleeping in, not worrying about dinner plans. Freedom to do whatever I want, etc.
But the big one is my AM. We have a 1 and 3 year old so diapers potty time and getting them dressed has ruined the morning for me. No more leisurely shower and grooming time.
Oh and I’m introverted and generally hate most conversations. Talking with children is brutal and leaves me drained.”
2. Regrets.
“I often regret having children. There are several reasons…
I really never felt the urge to have children, but my husband really wanted them. He never pushed the issue nor made a big fuss about it, but I could tell he really wanted kids.
But I never really sorted out how I felt about having children, and just did what was expected. We both had graduate degrees and it was just the next step. Looking back now, I should have listened to my hesitancy. I really wanted a career but gave into what I thought my husband wanted.
Two kids later, one is a sweet 9 year-old girl with dyslexia and ADHD. The other is a 4 year-old boy with moderate/severe autism. I do genuinely love them and give everything to parenting them, but it’s hard. So d*mn hard.
My husband is Active Duty US Military, and moving and reestablishing care for a special needs child is insanely difficult. Throw in the fact that he leaves constantly for weeks and months at a time, I’m essentially a single parent to two difficult to parent kids. They’re cute and sweet, but it’s just so hard. I’m tired and at my wits end all the time. I try not to to let the kids see that, but it’s hard.
Instead of having a serious discussion about what his military career would look like with parenting, I just thought it would be fine. Definitely did not think it through as I assumed all of the other military families made it look easy.
Hindsight is 20/20 though. While I can’t imagine life without them, there are days where I wish I had really considered what single parenting would really be like. Because that’s basically what I’m doing. While still trying to juggle a career of sorts.”
3. No more freedom.
“Loss of freedom is sometimes hard for me.
Inability to sleep in or just do what I want.
I don’t regret having kids most of the time, but sometimes I feel pretty worn out and reminisce about simpler times.
It’s a big sacrifice and something hard to even put into perspective until you do it. I was 30+ and thought about it a lot before making the jump and it was still surprising how hard it is.
I think the pro is just that it’s such a wonder in a similar way that’s hard to really explain until you do it. I liken it to a vacation where you’re roughing it somewhere new, you’re always tired, money’s tight, shared accommodations, but also so many amazing new experiences.
If you’ve ever spent several months backpacking in hostels you probably have a lot of amazing memories but also that feeling of exhaustion and longing for a home to yourself and a week of good sleep. It’s the best comparison to me.”
4. Not sure…
“I’m just not sure I wanted to be a parent at all.
I think I saw it as some kind of required duty as a woman.”
5. Ruined my life.
“I didn’t get to make the choice for myself due to my age and state law.
My mom wouldn’t consent to an abortion after I was assaulted. I love my son dearly, but I never asked for this and I never wanted kids to begin with. I haven’t gone to college, I have severe depression, no friends or support system to lean on, and I’m f*cking broke. It has ruined my life and I’m only in my early 20’s.
Since I’m getting sh*t on ETA: I have not once told my child any of this, nor will he ever know from my actions or words. I had to give up academic scholarships and am further behind in life than many people my age, but that is not his fault whatsoever.
He is such a brilliant little guy and despite how difficult it is, I keep it together for him and do the best I am capable of with the limited resources I have available where I live. No, your tax dollars don’t go to another teenage drop out. I graduated. I’m not even on state-aid. I work. The pandemic is rough on everyone, it’s not a surprise a single-mother would be struggling financially right now.
Yes, my life I had planned was ruined by this, but it doesn’t mean I cannot create a new amazing life.”
6. Roll of the dice.
“Because no one prepares you for those situations that are not perfect: special needs children, mentally ill children.
We romanticize families way too much and downplay the difficulties and emotional pain that come with them. And no one talks about this before you have them— I was totally unprepared even tho I was married and stable with a college degree.
Yeah you might get great kids that do really well, and you might not. I did not have the temperament to be a good parent and should have been encouraged to explore that before I had them.”
7. Should have been more stable.
“I regret not being more stable/established for my first child and she’s had to go through a lot with me in her short life.
A lot of moving and having to be a little more self sufficiant than other kids her age (single mom for a while working 3+ jobs). It’s made us extremly close and we have an amazing relationship but I regret her having to experience it.
She’s always been well taken care of and never has gone without but…yeah. I love her and wish I could have done better for us from the get go.”
8. Sad.
“I have children that were conceived during nonconsensual s*xual encounters.
My “partner” was extremely abusive and I was scared to leave. Having children only made that worse. Having no choice about having children had it horrific. I have a difficult time talking about it publicly because well if you have children with your abuser, you never really escape. I know people really think you can “just leave” those situations but, sometimes you really can’t.
Both my parents are dead, I lived two states away from any living family that are all too old to do anything. I’m indigenous so my relationship with cops can sometimes be complicated, and honestly my relationship with myself was bad at that point too. Maybe I felt like I deserved this, or it was “love”. It was f*cked was what it was. The hardest part was my oldest was involved at times in my abuse.
They were taught to spy on me and degrade me. I would get hurt over things my 3 year old would say I did. I got out but, the damage is hard to undo. My oldest has zero respect for me and seems to enjoy pushing me to the point of tears.
Therapy isn’t a safe option (trust me it’s been discussed, it’s especially a no go on group therapy which is what is offered mostly at their age) because they make up the most terrible things. Things that could get them taken from me, it terrifying wondering what I’m going to have to deal with next. School has been a nightmare but they have seen the manipulative tactics that are being used and dig deeper before reporting to CPS, whom I have already had to deal with.
Between my child, my abuser, and their family it’s like a nightmare that never ends. One I didn’t ask for. I love my children. I have done everything to try to keep them safe and provide a better life but it’s extremely hard to escape your abuser to never really escape. I know I wrote this robotically, it’s on purpose.
No identifiable descriptions keeps us safe. I’m sorry if that makes me seem cold, I assure you I’m not.”
9. Knew it…
“The worst thing is I knew it wasn’t a good idea at the time.
e both had unstable, low-paying jobs, and she had a history of not being able to hold a job due to her mental illness.”
10. Wasn’t ready.
“I don’t think I was ready at the time for kids, I was still figuring out how to be an adult and a husband.
So my kids formative years I wasn’t a very good father to them.
I was never abusive or mean but I was very very career driven and spent almost all my time working instead of playing with my kids who desperately wanted my attention.”
11. It is what it is…
“I have two kids and they’re an endless series of PTSD triggers.
If I had known the extent and nature of my mental health situation I would have never had children.
I love my kids, but it is what it is.”
12. But…
“I love my kid more than anything, she’s the light of my life and my delight, but:
(1) Life is just easier when you don’t have a kid. You have more freedom, more options, fewer responsibilities, and so much time. You can take risks, jump on opportunities, do stuff, that just is so much more difficult if you have parental responsibilities.
I’m not talking about partying or living irresponsibly. I mean things like being able to take a job doing humanitarian work in Africa without having to worry about the safety of your family.
(2) In the world as it is, with so much uncertainty and such a bleak outlook, I worry about her future.
I am very much aware of the downsides and I think people who choose not to have children are probably making a wise choice in current circumstances.”
13. Regretting motherhood.
“I don’t regret my daughter; she’s a smart, healthy and beautiful little girl, we could not be more blessed with her.
What I regret is motherhood. I’m not an eager mother, I don’t enjoy the mundane grind of school pickups, park visits, watching Frozen 6,000 times, drawing stick figures, etc. I get no joy from it.
I’m a good mom, I’m attentive and ever present, I do ALL the things and am extremely responsible, but I’m running on a constant state of “over it” and that poor little girl deserves so much better.”
14. Single dad.
“I caved when my wife got baby fever entirely too soon after our first.
My oldest son had just been diagnosed with autism and I just kind of thought that everyone with very young children were miserable until they were 4 or 5 years old. I repeatedly told her that not at all ready to have another child but gave in. We weren’t doing well financially or personally but I just wanted to make her happy.
She asked for a divorce soon after our youngest turned 1. It’s becoming more and more obvious just how self-centered and selfish my ex-wife has always been.
I’m trying not to be bitter but I hate a lot of being a single dad of two young children without any help. I eat what I’d like to say often because I realize it wouldn’t be productive. I grew up with parents who had a terrible divorce and I’m trying to make sure my kids don’t live the same fate.
I’m lonely and terribly depressed, it feels like my life consists entirely of working and being a dad. It feels like no one will ever love me again and everything about dating sucks.
I don’t blame my children. I love them more than they might ever know. My life would be infinitely easier without kids but I hope they’ll never know how I feel.”
15. Passing it on.
“I regret what I unknowingly passed on to them.
If I would’ve have known the severity of the mental illness that exists in my bloodline, I would’ve never have had kids. Being moderately mentally ill myself (Depression/Anxiety), I never thought that mine was severe enough to go on to affect my children in different ways/severities, that it did.
However, I found out 10 years into a fight between life and death with my then 15 year old son, mental illness is sadly very real in the family and my family kept it from me. They sat silent while my son suffered since 5 years old with voices, suicidal attempts, cutting (all before he turned 9!).
I feel guilty everyday I brought children into world never really knowing they would go on to suffer from mild symptoms to very severe. My son could’ve been helped many years before he finally was had I known earlier, but thanks to my family, I almost lost him 4 times before his 16th birthday.”
16. Heartbreaking.
“My son has autism and I sometimes regret having him.
I still love him to death but when I see that he’s not like other kids and doesn’t really socially interact, it breaks my heart. I worry for his future and what would happen when my husband and I die.
Will he be independent and takes care of himself? I worry a lot.”
17. The wrong partner.
“When I had my kids I was stable and when I got my divorce, my ex wife never wanted to work still and still does not work.
To this day I send all my money to them (while still paying my bills and surviving of course) just so they can eat, go to school with everything they need, and be able to have a good child hood.
I just wish I waited to have them with a better woman.”
18. Not equipped.
“Because they deserve more than I can give them.
Financially, emotionally, and mentally I am just not equipped to have children. Most days, my kids are more functional than I am. My kids are 21, 14, and 11. I’ve been a single parent for most of their lives.
I love them and they are my motivation to better myself. But it’s hard when you live in the USA and have to choose between rent/food and buying medication.”
19. Burned out.
“Having kids makes me very tired, exhausted.
All the time running around, shouting, doing stuff they’re not supposed to do, making loud noises on tv’s or other devices. “Daddy I wanna do this, daddy I wanna do that, daddy I wanna buy this, cry cry cry I fell off the couch after you told me hundred times not to jump off couches, no daddy I don’t want to take a bath I will physically resist, daddy are you tired man f*ck that I wanna play football.”
Almost every time my daughter is with me I get a burn out, I lose the feeling in my legs and it takes a lot of effort to rise up from my couch or bed.”
20. Jeez…
“I was lied to about birth control and forced to be a parent against my will.
It ruined my life, the kid’s life, and the life of the other person.
This should not happen to anyone.”
21. Good advice.
“Due to how hard parenting is, I’m almost certain I will never do this again. So… my son will be an only child. This also brings me guilt because I’d like to give him someone to grow up with.
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A BABY WITH SOMEONE YOU REALLY, TRULY LOVE. Do not have a baby with a fling, do not have a baby with someone who you’re infatuated with… trust me, it all fades once you’re stuck with them, for life.
Don’t have a baby with someone who can’t put down a f*cking video game, don’t have a baby with a pothead who will sleep because he’s stoned, while you slave through the sleep deprivation all by yourself.
If you’re on the fence about having a baby, don’t. If you aren’t ready to give up your freedom and sacrifice your life to raise another one, don’t have baby. People take being a mother/father too lightly.
You will never be the same. Your life will be changed forever and will not be just yours anymore. Think hard before you commit… because once you’re in, you can never, ever get out.”
How about you?
Do you regret having children?
Or maybe you regret NOT having children?
Tell us your stories in the comments!
