Woman Wants to Know if She’s Wrong for Telling Her Surrogate to Stop Acting Like Her Husband’s Wife

I can’t even imagine the feelings and emotions that people deal with when they decide to have a surrogate.

And this story highlights how things can get a little wonky in those situations.

AITA for telling my surrogate to stop acting like she was my husband’s wife?

“My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We wanted kids but because of my health problems this wasn’t possible.

We decided to go with surrogacy, my friend nominated her sister ( Brittany 29) I agreed right away cause I know Brittany and the family. We’ve set everything up. Discussed payment, short and long term plans, counseling and doctor appointments. We explored IVF and chose a private clinic to get it done.

It started after Brittany took a pregnancy test. She only told my husband though she had both our numbers. she only sent my husband a pic of the test while he was at work and sent me nothing when I gave her my personal contact info but it was okay. Things got complicated when Brittany started having access to our credit cards for her own wants and claim they were the baby’s needs.

She excluded me from dr visits and scans and had only my husband go with her. Her excuse was my husband drives and has time since I work and “unavailable” most of the time. I felt isolated from this experience but said nothing knowing she’s bearing a lot of burden so I had patience. My husband had no idea what was going on and if this was normal. This was new to us so we didn’t know.

She’s 7 months in and last week she had us visit to discuss things that I thought we’d previously agreed on but she said she changed her mind about and her mom was there too. I heard Brittany out and was shocked when she gave a list of how things should be from now on since she said “there was lot of confusion” in the past cause of me stressing her out by complaining.

She requested she gets say in things like baby name after I “deleted” the list of names she sent to my husband. She wanted more access to my husband’s credit cards/free time to get stuff done at her place. Also more time with the baby than agreed on. Then wrapped up by saying only my husband should be with her in the delivery room and used the hospital as excuse.

I got up and firmly stated I don’t agree on her new terms and that she had to stop acting like she was my husband’s wife and this was their baby. My husband didn’t speak till she started crying. He asked me to sit down but I said I had boundaries, reminded her what her role was and how she overstepped.

Her mom went off and and said her daughter was being mistreated when she put herself mentally and physically through the most selfless act for us, to make us a family. She gave up a part of her life in those months to give us what we want and I was acting selfish and ungrateful. She had us leave then told my friend and it got more complicated. I was told to apologize for what i said.

AITA?”