The overwhelming majority of us have lived our lives without ever being the victim of any violent crime, and, with the crime rate down precipitously from even a decade ago, hopefully it’ll stay that way.

Not everyone is so lucky, however.

These 14 AskReddit users, all victims of attempted murder, are very fortunate to have survived their ordeals. Here are their true stories of when they were attacked and almost killed:

1. As a Baby

“When I was a newborn my biological father tried to kill me by choking me. It happened in my grandmothers kitchen and my mom bopped him over the head wth a frying pan and stabbed him with one of those hot dog pokers you use on the grill. He’s always been a real big piece of shit.”

2. “Smiling like Norman f*cking Bates”

“My cousin tried to drown me a few years ago. We’d been on bad terms for years; she beat me up constantly when we were kids and she sabotaged my work a few times in high school. I never fought back because she was absolutely fucking crazy and I figured she was ‘special.’ About three years ago I dated a guy she was interested in (didn’t know she was into him) and that was the ‘final straw’ as she put it. So she decided to kill me by dragging me into the pool in her backyard and holding me underwater until I blacked out (she’s easily twice my size/weight so it was the easiest way for her, and she could just blame my death on drowning by accident).

Anyways, she successfully held me underwater until I stopped breathing, then got out of the pool and sat in a deck chair to watch the show. My friend found me and he genuinely thought I was dead. He dragged me out of the water and did CPR, and that probably saved my life.

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If you’re wondering where psychopath cousin was for that whole ordeal, she was still sitting there in her pink flamingo deck chair, smiling like Norman fucking Bates.

Charges were pressed, and insanity was pled (which was probably accurate anyways).

I do not really talk to that side of the family much anymore.”

3. Stabbed While Bouncing

“I was stabbed while bouncing at a bar. I’m not sure if that counts. I doubt the guy was really trying to kill me, though he very easily could have. It required emergency surgery to close up an artery and the knife stopped just shy of puncturing my lung. My friend, also bouncing, was stabbed over his heart, but his sternum stopped the blade. That’s probably what caused the stabber to slice his own fingers open, which lead to finding him and the conviction.

He was charged with attempted murder, along with a bunch of other things. He was convicted of at least some of those charges and did 6 years.

All in all, not bad. 10/10, would get stabbed again.”

4. “You should be asleep in the car…”

“I have this mate from the States, older gent, owns a company that goes around putting change in vending machines or whatever. Anywho, his childhood friend co-owned the company with him, things were apparently really good. As it would appear, his friend was a jealous, greedy cunt, wanted to own the company all by his lonesome.

The ‘friend’ calls up my mate, asks him to help in fiddling with his car. Now my mate is a very kind guy, goes above and beyond to help a brother, gets over to his house with his toolkit and smile on his face as I can imagine although the devious little shit rigged the car up so the exhaust would pour into the car and suffocate him. The bloke knocks him out cold, chucks him in the car with it on and goes to watch telly or something.

Old mate wakes up, squirms out of the car and escapes. His mate eventually gets up to check out his dirty deed and sees him disappeared, and proceeds to send him a text a long the lines of ‘you should be asleep in the car…’ By this time he has already made it to the police station.

What’s freakier is, this obvious attempt at homicide re-jogged his memory of a month of two prior where he went to help his buddy mow his lawn where a ‘freak accident’ cause a large piece of shrapnel to slice his cheek – coincidence? Who knows.

Needless to say, my mate owns the entire company now. Really great guy, isn’t the first time some cunt tried to off him though.”

5. On the Beach

“A man jumped me and pummeled me on a beach in Barbados in an attempted rape. When I attacked him in defense he tried to kill me and started strangling me. I dug my shoulders into the sand to relieve pressure and not black out. I managed to squeeze my knee between us to separate his torso from mine, he then arched his back bringing his face closer to mine and I grabbed onto it with my teeth and bit hard — ripping parts of his tongue off while he screamed.

That got him off me and running. I felt high and happy after the fact, but my BF who was running down to help me cried for hours. The real horror came after with the hospital visit and the next day reporting it to the constable. Barbados police don’t give a shit about rape and society there victim blames. Nothing was computerized and I had to write three copies of the incident to get it reported. My only consolation is that tongues don’t grow back and that mofo will remember me forever.”