People are sharing cold, hard truths about relationships

In a perfect world, relationships are always romantic and easygoing, and they never force you to make difficult decisions. Sadly, this is not a perfect world, and relationships actually require tons of dedication and effort (too much effort if you ask me).

Recently, one Reddit user asked the internet to give them some examples of “hard-to-swallow pills” about relationships. It’s clear that people had some heartbreaking opinions of their own to share because the post got nearly 8,000 comments.

You Need To Have The Same Expectations

“Not everyone will value your relationship like you do. It’s VERY important to make sure you both have the same expectations and values.

“Otherwise, like two unequally yoked animals, you will continue to walk in circles over the same ground.” —GreenSalsa96

Not All Arguments Are Worth Having

“Not all arguments are worth having. Yes, communication is extremely important and key to a healthy relationship…but so is triaging the things you nit-pick.

“People online will try to make you believe that every little thing needs to be addressed and, if you don’t want to address it, you’re living a lie…but those people are either 1) in a complete fantasy relationship, or 2) have never been in a meaningful one.” —Ssutuanjoe

Your Relationship Shouldn’t Be A Stressor In Your Life

“You should not be anxious about the relationship all the time. You shouldn’t be stressed about if they love you or if they’re going to leave you or if they’re out cheating on you or what they’re thinking.

“It shouldn’t be a major source of stress. In fact, if it’s a good partnership, both of your lives should be easier.” —missluluh

Some People Use Others To Their Advantage—Even In Relationships

“A lot of people want someone who won’t use them for anything, but who they can use themselves to fulfill their own needs or desires.

“I think the worst part of growing up for me has been the utter realization that lots of people want to use who they can to fit their own ends. It’s not exactly always malicious, just practical; you grow more sensible as you age, and so you’re less willing to tolerate relationships of any kind where you don’t derive some sort of benefit.” —honestgoing

Honey, People Don’t Change

“At a certain point, you have to accept some particular negative parts of your partner’s personality or move on.

“My husband is almost 50. We’ve been married for over 20 years. While he will continue to experience personal growth, there are parts of his personality that are likely to not ever change. The same is true for myself, of course.” —Tricky-garden

Sometimes You Have To Be Direct

“They aren’t going to magically know you’re upset with them. They aren’t going to read your passive-aggressive signs. They aren’t going to pick up on that.

“Be direct. If you are upset, talk to your partner about it. Not your friends. Not your parents. Not strangers on the internet—your partner.” —Frothy_moisture

Romantic Unconditional Love Doesn’t Exactly Exist

“Love won’t solve everything, love DOES have limits, and love certainly doesn’t pay the bills. When somebody reaches their limit, that’s when the love ends. As in tired of their partner being selfish, not sticking up for them and the list goes on.

“Your partner’s love for you and vice versa isn’t going to solve issues the family has with either one of you or both of you.” —BiggieFriesnShake

Things Can Feel “Boring” At Times

“A lot of it is boring. The ‘magical moments’ and massive ‘I love you so much’ posts on social media are like 2% of the time. A majority of a relationship is just everyday living.

“Your idea of a perfect relationship is the small sliver of it that TV, movies, and social media have led you to believe. You gotta look forward to sitting on the couch in sweatpants after eating so much stir fry you’re both farting nonstop.” —MeatyOakerGuy

Everyone Has A Past—And Sometimes It’s Bad

“Everybody has a past life, history, and things you may not like. It’s easy to love all of their great experiences, but it can be challenging to accept some of their past life that disturbs you or you worry may be a problem still.

“A very challenging part of relationships is getting out of your head who they used to be and focusing more on who they ARE now and how they make you feel.” —JustHereToHangOut

Relationships Should Change

“Relationships can and should evolve. We cannot expect our partner or ourselves to be the same person a year or 10 years into a relationship. A relationship shouldn’t be stagnant. Maybe you go out less or more, maybe one of you starts working from home, you have a kid, move country, lose a parent.

“All of these things change who we are and what is important to us. That is ok, it is not all going to be go-go eyes and romance. Relationships are work, you have to build each other up and adapt as you change. It isn’t high school sweethearts forever.” —Morwynn750

Your Partner Should Always Treat You Right

“Your partner should never mean to hurt you.

“If that statement is hard to swallow, you probably don’t have a healthy relationship.” —chanoodles

Learning To Be Okay With The Mundane

“As a teen, you chase the butterflies and highs of relationships. As an adult, you have to learn that as your hormones settle, you need to settle, too. You should not constantly be seeking the highs and creating conflict to achieve them—even though the highs are addicting. You need to learn to be good with the chill times, the comfort, the ease. Don’t lose the butterflies completely, of course, but don’t create them with negative behavior.

“Create them by pulling your partner in for a long passionate kiss instead of the normal goodbye or hello peck. Or by planning a date or a fun new activity to experience together. Keep each other on your toes in a good way. But be ok when things are just as so.” —Bajingosisters

You Need To Prioritize Your Mental Health

“If it endangers your mental health, it’s not worth it.” —hahadude69

I thought that it would be good to conclude this piece with the shortest, yet arguably most important fact of relationships. Mental health is so important. If someone is hurting you in any way, shape, or form, it’s time to move on.

Even If It Seems Perfect—It Isn’t

“Both people can do everything exactly right and the relationship may still not work out.

“Just because you love someone and both take care of yourselves and each other doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever.” —4Gotten1

Don’t Put Off Ending A Relationship

If the relationship isn’t right and you know you don’t want to be together, then sparing someone’s feelings in the short term only leads to more pain later down the line.

“Be honest and front the horrible conversation.” —JazzyMcfly1

Making Sure You Don’t Distance Yourself From The Other Things And People You Love

“Keeping your friends and hobbies is also good for the health of the relationship, not just in case it fails. It puts less pressure on the relationship to entertain and keep you happy, and gives you space, a broader focus, and interesting things to talk about.

“It also helps you be you, who is the person your partner fell for in the first place!” —EarthCadence