I keep being bombarded with conversations and articles about the debate over whether or not to have kids, and let me tell you, people get pretty heated.
If you have chosen NOT to have kids, you’re bound to get endless questions from people about your decision. These AskReddit users explain why they stand by the decision.
1. Words of wisdom
“A therapist once said to me the test of whether you are ready for a relationship is – Can you keep a plant alive? Great. Now you are ready for a pet. Can you keep a pet alive and happy? Great. Now you are ready to branch out into a relationship.
I have no idea what the test is for having children but somehow like you, I think I might not be ready yet!”
2. Oh hell no!
“I’m 51, wife is 53, been married 24 years.
Knew from and early age that kids weren’t for me, saw the struggles of raising one and said “Oh hell no !” to that. Had plenty of others trying to tell me different along the way.”
3. No regrets
“Mid-fifties here too, married almost 28 years – never regretted not having kids. Not even a little bit. I don’t have the patience, knew I was not meant to be a parent, and yes, obviously you discuss that (and everything else) before you marry.
I’d do it all over again, exactly the same way.”
“I have had co-workers look at me as if I grew an extra head with horns when I revealed I had no kids and was not planning on having any. They were the worst. Shaking their head in pity, whispering behind my back, patting me on the head while saying “you’ll change your mind.” I have had people tell me I was evil for not wanting kids, that I would burn in hell.
It got so bad, so persistent at about 30yo, I started telling people I was infertile…
BTW, for those of you in their 20s – you will be harassed until about 40…..
Yet, my family accepted it 100%.
There was one point at 35, we wishy washy tried to get pregnant. All I did was go off the pill. We also went to genetic counseling. When we found out there was a 50% chance of a babe being learning disabled like dyslexia (both of us had LD) and a 25% chance of the babe being disabled in other ways like CP or developmental disorders because of a quirky piece of my DNA, I went back on the pill.
Before you all start yelling at me, my CAREER is working with people with disabilities. In theory, I would have been an AWESOME mom of a child with a disability because I knew about IEPs, therapists, interventions, etc. But I knew in my heart, I could not get pregnant knowing I may produce a child that may suffer through what my hubby and I had gone through.”
5. The promise
“I figured that out by 15 when my first nephew was born. I made a promise to myself that I was going to avoid that life no matter what it took.”
6. That’s what siblings are for
“I was constantly taking care of my older siblings kids when I was 15-16, decided then and there that I didn’t want kids. I don’t regret it.”
7. Not gonna happen
“Being the oldest girl from a family that multiplied like rabbits made me the automatic babysitter. I think that’s where my resentment for kids comes from. I love my cousins and will love the siblings to come, but I don’t ever want to care for another kid unless it’s an absolute last resort.”
8. Advice from a parent
“As a parent, I completely respect this outlook and opinion. I actually advocate this. I love when people who don’t want to have kids recognize it for what it is and refuse to let other people pressure them into the “societal norm.” We are at a point in the world where people are perfectly capable of having children later in life. It’s completely normal for women in their 30’s to get pregnant naturally and it’s not unheard of for women in their 40’s to do it either.
And, as long as both people are healthy, it’s perfectly possible to get pregnant with help if you struggle to do so naturally. That being said, there is no rush for people to decide if they want to be parents or not. If you hit 35 and still have no desire to have children, it is extremely unlikely you will ever change your mind. I’d rather have fewer children in the world than more parents who don’t want and/or don’t love the children they brought into the world. So I applaud your honesty with yourself and the world. Good on you!”
9. Can’t change my mind
“This gives me hope. I’ve never wanted children and it seems the men that I date try and change my mind and obviously they can’t. I’m coming towards the end of a relationship that will end because… you guessed it, he wants them and I don’t.
I’m losing hope that I’ll ever find a suitable partner that doesn’t want children but I love hearing things like this because they make me feel just a little better 🙂 Thank you.”
10. Good idea
“I can’t even keep house plants alive. This is best for everyone, including me.”
11. Best decision
“I am 42, never wanted kids and I knew this even at age 12.
I got a lot of random cliches given to me throughout the years, stuff like “you are still young” or “you haven’t found the right girl yet” and the classic “Its different when they are yours” lol that last one always cracked me up.
Fast forward to today, its still the best decision I have ever made, I am happily married, I get to travel, have fun, take up multiple hobbies, enjoy plenty of time for anything I damn well please.
Don’t get me wrong, kids are great and I don’t hate them, I am a proud uncle and godfather. But its just not for me or my wife and that’s how we like it!
Life is good because we are happy and not having kids is a huge part of that happiness.”
12. Not maternal
“I knew even as a teenager that I didn’t want children. I feel like I was born missing that “maternal” gene (except when it comes to animals lol). I too heard it all, “you’ll change your mind” “you’re still young” etc etc. As a woman it can be very hard because a lot of other women (especially in the workplace, I’ve found) will judge and belittle you for not having children. I’m 43 now so hopefully those comments will come to a close soon.”
13. Not for me…
“Love animals, find kids to be weird and gross and not for me. I’m a bit younger (34) and I’m getting the “Tick, tock” comments from people.
I’m an interesting person, my sole reason for being isn’t to pop out a kid. This isn’t the middle ages. There’s several billion women on the planet willing to step up and have plenty of kids. It’s fine if I don’t.”
14. Please leave me alone
“I’ve always known I will never be a parent. My husband and I are totally aligned in this, and live a great life, just the two of us. As a woman, I’ve had to deal with more than two decades of constant condescending “oh dear, you’ll change your mind one day!” Thankfully, at 46, they finally leave me alone.”
15. On our own terms
“My wife and I are 40 and selfishness is the primary reason we don’t have kids. We get to live the life we want on our own terms. A few weeks ago I said “wanna take a road trip to a place that’s 8 hours away this weekend?” We did and it was amazing. No planning needed, just gassed up the car, packed up the dogs and went.”