When you hear the phrase “crazy ex,” chances are a specific person you’ve dated comes to mind. Maybe they did some weird things like talking about wanting babies on the first date or stealing Pop-Tarts from your house, but they’ve got nothing on these crazy exes. A recent AskReddit thread prompted people to share stories of what their “crazy ex” did to earn that title. Here are 11 of the most insane stories.
1. This guy wanted the relationship to move a little too fast for thelittleusername’s taste (or any sane person’s, really).
Painted my name all over his bedroom, bathroom and lounge room. Proposed and then Photoshopped us into wedding pictures, sent invites [to] all his family, mine and my friends, got an ultrasound photo online and tried to announce to Facebook we were expecting a baby, shaved our initials into his cat and left hundreds of love letters taped to my car So that was crazy… We went on half a double date with friends, I was just being a good sport, noped out when he proposed when my food came. The rest came over the next week.
Edit to clarify as I feel I wasn’t clear: this was all after the one and ONLY date. This wasn’t a ‘we dated for months and then his crazy came out’ this was ‘we met an hour ago why are you proposing to me’
2. Where else did this girl expect miniature_light to look?
She took me to see a college play and then broke up with me because I was looking at the actress on stage.
3. Buenaonda1’s ex took the precautions necessary to ensure she never dated again.
He started messaging all the new guys he thought I would maybe go out with asking them not to invite me out ’cause he felt he still had a chance with me. This happened not once or twice, this happened with around 10 guys. He didn’t even know them in person. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THEM.
4. Crazy stalker behavior aside, isn’t it kind of offensive that csjohnson’s ex was putting his head on different, more muscular bodies?
She cut out my head from yearbooks and put them on corkboards on her headboard.
I found out because one of her friends told me she did, and so I wanted to see for myself. She was working during the day, and I was close with her brother, who let me in when I said I needed to grab something from her BR. I walked in and, sure enough, my head on a bunch of muscular bodies that weren’t mine.
I broke up with her the next day after seeing the Hey Arnold-esque shrine.
Following the breakup, she would drive on my street and stop and wait outside and see if my light was on. It wasn’t, mainly because I knew she would do that. Then she would call me and leave voicemails of her breathing rather heavily.
She then tried to get me jealous of her having another guy, which I was everything but jealous of, and she actually had sex with and got pregnant with said guy, which kind of backfired on her.
So….happy ending, I guess?
5. Ouch. Sorry, kiwibrandon. Maybe it was just some kind of kink?
She kicked me in the mouth during sex. DURING SEX!
6. TheHoeven might win for craziest ex story.
Didn’t believe dinosaurs existed
7. Ohhannabanana’s ex seems like quite the character. Can’t believe she turned away the actual son of Jesus Christ.
When he got himself locked in four point restraints in the ER because he was convinced he had AIDS and started trying to “infect” the staff, or when he proudly told me he was the son of Jesus Christ, or when he tried to kick in my door at 3:00 am as a grand romantic gesture.
Or how he thought his bald spot would grow hair again if he was just a better person.
8. Why’d she have to bring lazlounderhill’s poor dog into this?
I suspect she was crazy long before I knew her, but I realized she was a fucking sociopath when she asked me to euthanize my dog because “he was taking up too much of ‘our’ time”.
9. FenceGirl’s husband has an ex-girlfriend that literally wants to have his babies… the babies he had with his wife long after he left her.
My husband’s crazy ex (just girlfriend from high school) was crazy because she set up a appointment for portrait session to have pictures done of our 3 children for her house. No, we did not let that fruitcake take our children. They broke up their senior year of high school, and this is when we were in our 30s. Shocked at contact from her, nevermind the appt, we found out she also had her phone number listed (phone books then) as Mrs. Our Surname all those years, which was never her name. She was stuck in her high school fantasy, which was frightening.
10. GoPlacesWithPudding’s new boyfriend did not sign up for presents from her ex when he started dating her. Yikes.
Stalked my new boyfriend and left insanely creepy things on his front porch – voodoo dolls, pictures of the two of us together (he’d been watching) with new bf’s head scratched out, called his workplace asking for him and would hang up, slashed new bf’s tires multiple times.
11. HeyitsEnricoPallazzo’s story is pretty straightforward.
She was my crazy girlfriend, but then we broke up
This article was first published by our friends at Someecards.